I Blame Our Parents

After this past weekend, I have noticed a large disregard for public decency stemming from both the immediate and extended Casa de Bob family.

Now I will have you know that a single incident did not lead me to this conclusion. There has been somewhat of an ongoing trend that yields this observation.

Let's start with........

"EXHIBIT A"

Day: Saturday (a few weeks ago)

Time: 8:00 am

Place: Casa de Bob

Description of Incident: The dogs have recently been on a very consistent potty schedule. I will have to admit that one of the ONLY pros to Officer Bob working 2nd shift is that the boys are let out to do their business around 1:00am allowing me to sleep in till at least 7:00 before they need to be let out again. It is safe to say that Officer Bob isn't exactly a morning person. "Most" of the time, you will see me bright and early out in the yard with the boys encouraging them to finish their deed (aka screaming, yelling, and doing everything but squeezing the crap out of them because it is too damn cold). I would also like to take this time to announce Reggie's new title as "Turd Burglar" The poor dog finds pleasure in taking a dump and hiding the evidence (in his mouth) GROSS! Any tips on ridding this problem are appreciated. BUT back to the topic at hand. The boys are still unable to distinguish the difference between the weekdays and the weekends. Keep in mind that my weekends are the ONLY time I get to sleep in. So.....when the dogs wake up early, I don't. I either A. consciously ignore the tugs at the bedspread, pretend I am asleep, and wait for Officer Bob to respond to their needs or B. fall so deeply into a stage of sleep that I am completely unresponsive.  On this particular day, I chose A. and Officer Bob was forced from his slumber to let the boys out. Now.....wouldn't you believe it, but as he was walking the dogs to the backdoor, my bladder called out to me, and I arose from my "fake sleep" to relieve it. After taking care of my own needs, I meandered to the back door to see how the boys were doing. When what to my wandering eyes should appear?

But a grown man in his underwear,
standing in the snow,
wearing my pink boots,
untangling Gilbert's chain from a tree.

I shook my head in embarrassment, but chose not to respond to my freakishly pale boyfriend's poor decision.

"EXHIBIT B"

 Day: Every December 25th since the day I was born

Time: Somewhere between 6:00 and 10:00am (depending on how long it takes us to wake up Osama Bin Father on Christmas morning)

Place: Mama Dirt and Osama Bin Father's

Description of Incident(s): Every Christmas, it is a Mama Dirt tradition for each child to pose with gifts from their stocking. Not just any gift........the underwear. And not just any pose.......the underwear on the head. I have 20 years of Christmas memories depicted through a variety of colors and definitely sizes of undergarments positioned appropriately over my dome. I will have to note that Officer Bob took to this tradition like Lindsay Lohan to rehab. It has become second nature, and he no longer even needs a reminder. I fear that these pictures will somehow surface at the most inopportune time, but for now they are hidden away in the dark depths of the Mama Dirt garage.

"EXHIBIT C"

Day: December 25th, 2010

Time: Approximately 10:00 am

Place: Casa de Daisy Duke and Grand Puba

Description of Incident: Officer Bob and I had prepared for the Christmas day festivities and headed over to Daisy Duke and Grand Puba's for our first family Christmas. However, upon entering the household, there seemed to be something quite peculiar about the the festive tree and stockings. It seemed as though the snowman decoration located near the stockings was wearing an extra garment. A garment children rarely add when decorating Frosty. This snowman was wearing a bra. A very cute bra, indeed. Apparently, Daisy Duke had requested this cute bra from Santa this year, and he rewarded her because she has proven to be such a good girl during the course of 2010. However, Daisy Duke's new gift would not fit in her stocking like planned so it was positioned over the snowman's lack of female anatomy.

"EXHIBIT D"

Day: December 25th, 2010

Time: Approximately 2:30 pm

Place: Mama Dirt and Osama Bin Father's humble abode

Description of Incident: After Officer Bob and I's somewhat late arrival (imagine that....haha) in E-wood, the stockings and presents were opened, Christmas hugs were given, and it was time for the Big Boca Bob side of the family to head to Grandma and Grandpa's for Christmas dinner. Make note of the time. Huracan, El Aguila, and Dancing Queen had still not changed clothes, brushed teeth, or combed hair. During the transition of yesterday's outfit to the Christmas day outfit, El Aguila was stepping into his very festive new boxers when these words were uttered from the mouth of Mama Dirt. "I dare you to run around outside in your underwear" Without skipping a beat, El Aguila replied "With no shoes or socks?". To which Mama Dirt replied, "Yes." Not but two seconds later, El Aguila was out the door wearing nothing but his Christmas skivvies. Fortunately for us, El Aguila's Mexican genes have created a somewhat "browner" complexion than that of Officer Bob and we did not go blind from the reflection off the snow. However, unfortunately for El Aguila, both Huracan and Officer Bob were positioned around the house preventing El Aguila from returning to the warmth of the less embarrassing indoors. The neighbors enjoyed the show as three grown men, one less clothed than the others, ran around the yard as the one less clothed screamed in pain from the cold. Officer Bob and Huracan relented when the cars passing by started to honk.

When friends begin to question my actions, please take note of this post. It is not my fault I am the way I am. I was bred this way. The genes have been passed down, and frankly, I can do nothing but embrace my genetic code. Unfortunately, Officer Bob has also received the embarrassing genome, and we have now found each other. It is possible for codes to skip a generation, but I fear that my children someday are royally screwed. I apologize in advance to my unborn children.

Sorry Its Not Wrapped

The diversity embracing members of the Casa de Bob family would like to wish all their family and friends a VERY Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, and all that jazz. It truly is the time of year to thank the Lord for all His blessings and make sure to express gratitude and love to those closest to you.  Oh.....and also find it in your hearts to forgive Snooki for allowing the "poof" to be deemed as a completely reasonable hairstyle.

Since it is the time for giving, I have thought long and hard about what to get you, my faithful blog readers, for Christmas this year. Now keep in mind I'm no Oprah! There will be no cars, computers, useless gadgets, or inspirational books given away from this girl. Instead, I truly believe I have found the most perfect gift to share with you.

You may find this shocking, but Officer Bob has a hidden talent.  A talent that I have only recently been allowed to witness. And this year, he is allowing me to share this talent with you as a VERY special gift.

You are all the first to see an Officer Bob original piece of artwork.  He has dabbled in the form of marker and pencil, but I am releasing a never before seen crayon original. Please do not attempt to copy this piece of artwork. It has been secured under copyright law. However, if you are as impressed as I was, you may contact me for inquiries regarding pricing.

AND NOW.........

AS A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU ALL.............

THE UNVEILING OF AN OFFICER BOB ORIGINAL................

I GIVE YOU...................

"HEROES IN A HALF SHELL"

 
I would like you to note the abstract creativity in the lack of hands and feet, and the creative expression in giving the red-masked Raphael a third arm. Let it also be known that Officer Bob does not just leave a measly signature at the bottom of his masterpiece. Instead, he offers a beautiful photographic portrait of his adorable mug.
 
Share this with family and friends as once 2011 hits, this Officer Bob original is headed straight back to the Casa de Bob vault.
 

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,

The gladness of Christmas give you hope,

And the warmth of Christmas grant you love.

8 Reasons Why I Am NOT a Grinch!

I have noticed recently that many of my posts have unintentionally (minus the UN) made me appear a bit Scrooge-ish. Hatred for the Illinois winter weather or not......I actually do know how to get into the holiday spirit. Mother Nature can't bring me down!

1.  After "some" convincing from my snow-loving boyfriend, I ventured out into the white winter dust to play with the pups. I will admit that I am sure Gilbert and Reggie loved this experience much more than I. But I will also admit that I had a little bit of fun myself! (For about the first 15 minutes until I could no longer feel my toes.) Note: I inherited the eff-you-cold-weather trait from Osama Bin Father. Bundle up, Pops! It's gonna be a LONG winter!

 2. The stockings were hung by the window (due to a lack of chimney) with care. Note: these stockings were purchased from the clearance bin at the Dollar Tree. Let's not go crazy here.

 3. The "donated from the grandparents" pre-lit christmas tree was plugged in. Note: there is a large stripe through the center of the tree that is not lit because I have about 10 million other things higher on the priority list than checking every flippin bulb to determine which one is out. Besides......I think the light-less belt makes the tree look thinner. Maybe I should decorate myself in strands of white lights and see if the same trick works for me!

 4. I have the Mama Dirt homemade wreath proudly displayed in my living room. Kudos to Mama Dirt for her wreath-making skillz. You go girl! That is one helluva bow!

5. I made the largest, most awkward, not-so-artistic clay pawprint ornaments with the boys. Let's hope the "christmas crafting skill" develops a bit more before motherhood. Note: another Dollar Tree clearance special!

 6. The Feliz Navidad singing chihuahua is displayed proudly on the piano. Note: Reggie either does not like A. fake, stuffed chihuahuas or B. Mexican music. Let's hope for A cuz if it's the latter he's gonna be screwed come Cinco de Mayo.

 7. The collection of Christmas cards has officially started and the display is started on the laundry room doors. Note: It REALLY weirds me out that I am starting to get Christmas cards from friends with pictures of their real human KIDS.  Kelly.....I'm talking to you and your 5-year-old-looking daughter. Can you please slow down the maturing process in that child?!

8. Apparently I have made an impression on someone who felt the need to create the following video to remind me that Santa is ALWAYS watching. By the way......will the creator of this video please fess up because I will lose sleep trying to figure it out and we all know how I need my beauty sleep. YIKES!

http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/watch/guest/EqdEimzTs0fNcaxeCcMn4Q

Proof My Boyfriend Is Better Than Yours

Friday was a rough day.
Long day at work.

Even longer drive home. (Thank you, Mother Nature)

HOWEVER.........

After arriving home, I find the following:

• Dishes washed, dried, and put away.
• Three loads of laundry washed, dried, folded, hung up, and put away.
• Family room and living room swept and dusted.
• Kitchen and dining room swept AND mopped.
• Couch vacuumed and cleaned.
• Dinner marinating.
• Dogs walked.
• Driveway and sidewalks shoveled.

Officer Bob sure knows how to turn my day around.

His day off was spent making my day better.

In case I don't say it enough.......

Thank you, Officer Bob.

I don't know how I got so lucky!

Just Another Reason.........

I ABSOLUTELY, POSTIVELY, NO DOUBT IN MY MIND............

HATE COLD BLEEPIN' WEATHER!!!!!!

Let's take a look at the following equation:

Moisture in the Air + Freezing Temperatures = Snow

Snow + Driveway = Slippery

Slippery + Car = BROKEN GARAGE DOOR

There I was like a slow motion movie:
Foot on brake to the floor,
hands waving,
curse words being shouted,
"STOP, you effing car!

And then.......car meets garage door.

A BIG thank you to Titty Baby and Grand Puba for being my knights in shining armor (or should I say shining leather and camo). It's a good thing I have cable and Kahlua on hand just for times like this. An hour in freezing temperatures fighting with the unresponsive, cold, poor excuse for a garage door was apparently forgotten once I was able to provide - 2 glasses of Kahlua and cream and 1 super-fantastic-amazing-holy cow-what the hell happened season finale of Sons of Anarchy!

Remind me to make sure to pay the cable bill and stock up on liquor in case it decides to snow again.

A Casa de Bob Thanksgiving Adventure

DAY 1

Thursday, November 25th 2010 (Thanksgiving Day)
Start Time - 8:30am

The alarm buzzed (actually sang - I wake up every morning to the voice of Marc Cohn - *sigh*) , and I jumped from my bed in anticipation of consuming the most delicious meal of 2010. I drooled at the thought of delectable green been casserole and creamy, thick, mashed potatoes. And then.......reality set in. For today, I have decided to take BOTH Gilbert and Reggie on a road trip to Great Grandma and Grandpa's house. That would be one human (me), one puppy (Reggie), and one horse (Gilbert) all in my small, but sporty Dodge Avenger for exactly 1 1/2 hours without stopping for a potty break or a vomit break as Gilbert has been cursed with an unfortunate case of doggy car sickness.

After preparing myself for the day, I attempted to wake Officer Bob from his sleep coma not once, not twice, not thrice, but FOUR TIMES!!!! I begged and pleaded with him to help me prepare the kids for the car ride. A crate needed to be torn down and loaded, food prepared and packed, favorite toys, blankies, and bones stuffed in the diaper bag, and he REFUSED to move from the warmth of the comforter. I really do hope this isn't a sign for the future.

Officer Bob conveniently woke up in enough time to kiss his girlfriend and children goodbye, and we headed out the door. Reggie was a great front seat passenger............

for all of 30 seconds before deciding jumping back and forth from the driver's lap to the window was incredibly entertaining. (NOT for the driver!)

Gilbert, trying to refrain from tossing his cookies all over my backseat, responded by offering dirty looks at his younger brother's behavior.

Eventually the two settled down, and I was able to drive peacefully for the last five minutes of the road trip.


Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa for serving as fabulous Thanksgiving hosts. Dinner (and dessert) was delicious! At this time, I would also like to thank God for the many gifts he has blessed me with over the course of 2010. I couldn't ask for a better support system in my grandparents, parents, and especially siblings. I wouldn't trade you for the world.

Following the meal, it was time for the annual tradition of Family Game Time. Games chosen for 2010 included Cash Cab and Quelf. I'll make this quick.......

Osama Bin Father played Cash Cab. The King Of Useless Trivia won twice and the rest of us sulked in our less than mediocre intelligence compared to this genius of a man.

Quelf - a game we have played in the past, but incredibly entertaining none-the-less. The game included:

Chicken Dancing

Lots of Confusion

And the stripping of the dignity of a young girl forced into this family tradition by her boyfriend of maybe 3 weeks tops?! She was a great sport and I truly hope we didn't scare her away. By the way......you have the best 10-second touchdown dance while holding a plant I have ever seen!

The car ride home was much less eventful as the boys and I were both pooped from the days excitement.

After arriving home, the tryptophan kicked in, and the boys and I called it an early night!

End Time - 9:30pm

DAY 2

Friday, November 26th 2010
Start Time - 7:00am

We'll call this "The Day that Officer Bob Has Been Complaining About for Two Weeks Straight"

In an effort to successfully complete my goals of healthy living for not only myself, but also my ever-so-loving boyfriend, I signed us up for the Trot for Tots run to take place prior to one of the longest-running Santa Claus parades in the nation. Enter whining......LOTS of whining.

Also in an effort to force others to undergo the same torture, I also recruited the efforts of El Aguila and one of Officer Bob's fellow officers, Goldsmith.

It is important to note that El Aguila is a runner.....
a fast runner....
a runner of long distances....
a runner currently training for a super fast marathon.......
a runner that thinking back, I'm not really sure why I invited because he makes us all look like overweight snails trudging slowly towards an invisible finish line.

ANYWAY......Mama Dirt and the new girlfriend previously mentioned met us at the starting line to serve as race spectators/fan club.

At start time, I believe the temperature outside was approximately 28 degrees......Fahrenheit.......as in below freezing. Enter MORE whining from Officer Bob.

Good thing I had made a quick Wal-Mart run to make sure Officer Bob would be extra cozy during the most uncomfortable 20 minutes of his life.

It is also important to note that El Aguila is one of THOSE runners.

You know.....the runners that no matter what the temperature is, they have to be dressed for success in a sleeveless singlet and shorts. Yup! That's him! (dumbass)

The starter yelled "GO!" and we were off. The first quarter mile was extra rough as I was consuming the dust from El Aguila's sprinting start. Once I was in my zone, I found a comfortable pace, and remained there for the entire course. People dressed in red and green lined the streets clapping for the runners all the while commenting on the stupidity of individuals racing in 28 degree weather. Thank you, spectators. You truly made me feel foolish and duncical.

Congrats to El Aguila on your second-place medal winning finish, blah, blah, blah.
You are so fast. I bow down to you and your athletic prowess, yada, yada, yada.

Next to cross the finish line......Big Boca Bob!
And I must say, my olympic-like, high-fiving, show-stopping finish was the highlight of the race!

Then comes.....Officer Bob.
Now tell me this doesn't look like a face that LOVES to run!

And finally, a BIG CONGRATS to Officer Goldsmith for completely your very first road run!
Awesome job!

After reviving Officer Bob from his post-race near-death experience,

and hooking him up to the portable oxygen tank,

we rehydrated, posed with the mascot of the race, and finished watching the parade.

Overall - A fabulously entertaining Thanksgiving adventure!

P.S. Officer Bob....from now on, I promise to ask your permission before signing you up for another *run*. Your face of disapproval is giving me nightmares.

Thanks for being a trooper. You did great, beat your goal time, and I am SO proud of you!

The Big 5-0!

How to tell your aging.......

• Your back goes out more than you do.
• You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
• Your friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
• You sing along with the elevator music.
• You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
• You laugh, pee, sneeze, and fart all at the same time.
• Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
• It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
• Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
• "Getting lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
• The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
• You turn off the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
• Your kids call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
• Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
• Your husband says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
• You don't care where Grand Puba goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
• An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.

Feliz Cumpleanos, Daisy Duke!

You did a hell of a job with the first 50 years!
Now here's to another half a century of happiness!

(Let's just hope that hammock holds up!)

It's Official......He's The One

I called Officer Bob at work on Sunday evening via the "Jail Phone" with a dire emergency that just could not wait! It is important to note that contrary to popular belief (aka MY belief) conversations held on the "Jail Phone" are NOT recorded. Thank Goodness!

Below is a transcript of the exact conversation:

Big Boca Bob: Can I speak to Officer Bob, please?

Random Officer #1: Just a second.......

Officer Bob: Hello? (slightly annoyed that I am calling his work yet again)

Big Boca Bob: Hey! I have a quick question for you.

Officer Bob: What?

Big Boca Bob: How much do you love me?

Officer Bob: Alot. (really annoyed that I called  his work yet again)

Big Boca Bob: Is that enough to stop by the store after work and pick up tampons?

Officer Bob: NO!

Big Boca Bob: Really? Ok....(in a really disappointed, sad, on-the-verge-of-tears voice)

Officer Bob: UGH! FINE! But have you ever been down that aisle? Do you know how many stupid kinds of those things there are?

Big Boca Bob: Have I ever told you that I love you?

Officer Bob: WHATEVER! Text me exactly what you need.

Big Boca Bob: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! You're the best!

Officer Bob: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. But just know that if I have to walk around with those in the cart, I am buying myself some kind of really expensive, manly tool to make up for it.

Big Boca Bob: You are a tool.

END CONVERSATION

One hour later, Officer Bob arrives with my emergency equipment AND some orange juice because "he knows how much I love my morning OJ"

I think I got myself a keeper.

Did You Realize, Mama Dirt?...........

That you are another year older?

(By the way.....thanks for making it another year because my Sunday evening would not have been the same without my fried chicken dinner!)

Did you realize that by turning ??, you are officially older than all of the following items?

• Alaska - the state
• Barbie - the doll
• Flinstones - the cartoon
• Revolution - the Cuban

Did you realize that during your lifetime you have had the pleasure of giving birth to and raising these four stunning beauties? (okay...maybe just three stunning beauties and one ridiculous boy-man)

Did you realize that during your lifetime, the following events have occured?

• US President John F Kennedy Shot
• Vietnam War
• First Human Heart Transplant
• First Man Walked on the Moon
• Y2K
• The Falling of the World Trade Center
• The Invention and Popularization of the Computer (which I know is still a struggle)
• The Invention and Popularization of the Debit Card (which I know is an even bigger struggle)
•  AND MANY MANY MANY (get the hint?) MORE!

Did you realize that you are a great provider for your family with both an emotional and physical strength that I can only hope I inherited?

Feliz Cumpleanos, Mama Dirt!
(a little late, but heartfelt nonetheless)

I Believe In Seasonal Affective Disorder

An ode to the changing of the season........

I call it......

COLD WEATHER BLOWS

The time for winter coats is almost here.
I cringe at the thought of it being so near.

I'll be prepared with long underwear and wooly socks
When I wake up on Sunday to set back the clocks.

Hello bitter cold and frosty night.
You make so mad, it's just not right!

As I pray for the cold to be put to a halt,
Please know my grouchy attitude is ALL YOUR FAULT!

My lips are already chapped and my skin is dry.
The decreasing temperature makes me cry.

All bundled up with a frostbitten toe,
I dread the thought of ice and shoveling snow.

I'd rather have a full year of fun
Playing outside in the warmth of the sun.

But instead you choose to come each and every year
To make me shiver and freeze my rear.

The thought of winter makes me ill.
And don't get me started on the heating bill!

And as the snot freezes in my raw, red nose,
I curse Mother Nature cuz Cold Weather Blows!

The cold does bring with it ONE good thing, I must say......
NO shaving my legs for three months! Hooray!

I HEART WEEKENDS

Weekend: two days of complete freedom from whining clients, sleeping in until at least 9am, and the possibility of actually spending quality time with Officer Bob

I truly heart weekends. After a crazy busy work week, there is nothing better than spending the day doing WHATEVER I WANT TO DO!

For example:
Activities of this past weekend included lounging around with TWO puppies and Officer Bob, carving pumpkins (a task Officer Bob is still complaining about half way through the following week), cussing at the poor excuse for athletes on my fantasy football team, showing off the newest member of the Casa de Bob family, and introducing friends to the rare species of tree located in the backyard.

Now tell me that doesn't sound exciting?!
(Okay so I realize I don't live the most adrenaline-pumping adventurous life)

 Can you tell Officer Bob was oh-so-excited to be participating in this fantastic Halloween tradition?! Somehow, he was "unfortunately" unable to finish carving his pumpkin before leaving for work. Yeah.....right.

 Good thing I came to the rescue to finish it!

Thanks to Kelly and Jamie for making the hike to Casa de Bob this past weekend!

Gilbert and Reggie loved their presents.  I apologize to Jamie for introducing Kelly to a puppy as I'm sure you've had to listen to whining, begging, and pleading for the past few days for one of your own. 

If she keeps bringing it up, have her refer to the following picture........

Who created this crazy system of having to deal with 5 days of stress before reaching a weekend anyway? Until my buddy Barack responds to my stern letters of disapproval of the 5:2 ratio, I guess I will just have to trudge through the work week.

On the agenda for this weekend?!.........Halloween parties galore!

I love this time of year!

Jumpin' Taxis and Takin' Names!

Now that I have had a full week to recover, I am able to relive the events from last Saturday without curling in a ball and crying from pain and embarrassment. I would first like to state that during this brief recap of the 2010 Men's Health Urbanathlon, please do not mistake my ranting as a form of hatred towards this race. I had a BLAST competing with over 7,500 "athletes" (I use the term loosely as I'm not so sure I can put myself in this category just yet) in the beautiful scenery of downtown Chicago, and I will most definitely be be doing it all over again next year. However, at times during the run and ridiculous obstacles, I may have thrown out a few cuss words or two. You will be receiving the edited version of my thoughts during the race.

Jesse, his wife Abbey, and her sister Ashley, picked me up at Casa de Bob for our weekend adventure.  I was already nervous for this race due to my lack of preparation and I immediately expressed my concern regarding the tortorous day ahead. I may be in the best shape of my life, but that does not deem me capable of competing in any race sponosred by "Men's Health"

Jesse and Abbey served as driver and navigator through downtown Chicago while Ashley and I rode comfortably in the backseat. Check-in took place at Hard Rock Hotel. We all forgive Abbey for the slight confusion between Hard Rock Cafe and Hard Rock Hotel.  It could have happened to anyone, and I for one enjoyed the scenery of the bustling city. However,every time I take a drive through downtown Chicago, it reminds me more and more why I chose to settle in a town of 1400. I am NOT a city girl.

After recieving our t-shirts and $60 not-so-goody bags, we headed to Baker's Square to carb-load for the race. Meals were selected carefully and we definitely made the right choice in avoiding White Castle sliders the night before the race.

Saturday morning came way too quickly.  It's not too often three girls can be dressed and ready in a half hour, but we weren't exactly going for looks here. Looking back at the pictures.......a little bit of makeup may not have been a bad idea. YIKES!

Pre-race Photos:

The face of the man above is the face of pure terror. Jesse was a veteran of this race as he had competed last year and was unable to move for the week following. He didn't exaclty instill any confidence in us three girls, but we forged ahead anyway.

In all honesty, I don't actually remember alot of the race. The scenery was BEAUTIFUL, and I truly enjoyed running down Lakeshore Drive in amazing weather. This may come as a surprise to you because I have never TRULY ENJOYED any long span of running. Trust me.....I couldn't believe it myself! I have done my best to remember the good, and block out the bad. However, I understand that is not nearly as entertaining to read. So.....I have prepared a short bullet list of memorable moments during the race.

• I informed Jesse I was not a "talker" when I ran. However, the lack of Ipod and his blabbering mouth turned me into a liar. I actually engaged in conversation the majority of the run. Looking back, this was a great choice as it kept my mind from thinking about how ridiculously hard I was breathing.
• I apologize to everyone in the vicinity of Mile Marker #5 for the cussing rant when the out-of-shape cramps mixed with the menstrual cramps and I honestly thought my life was coming to end. Thanks to the man who ran head first into the light pole for offering me some comic relief. I really needed it.
• Marine hurdles are ALOT taller than you think. The pamphlet said there would be three. There were NINE. After my upper body refused to cooperate anymore, I politely turned to Jesse to ask for a small boost.  Fortunately, no man can turn down a whining, menstruating woman.
• I HATE MONKEY BARS! Who would have thought the hardest part of the race would have been the effing monkey bars? I must note that these were not your ordinary school playground monkey bars.  These were the most ridiculous manly gorilla bars I have ever seen! I watched Jesse scale them no problem, closed my eyes, and prayed to the heavens for some assistance. Unfortunately, God must have been busy that morning because with only two rungs left, I hung there.....and hung there.....and cussed.....alot.......and then?......I fell. I jogged with my head down to the penalty area and completed my 25 push-ups in shame before moving on. Failure is not my thing. I will be competing in next year's race with one goal in mind. Make those monkey bars my b*&%#.

And then.....the END! Where I picked up my medal and paraded around as a kind-of-runner who barely made it through the day mixed with exceptional athletes who train all year for this. I thank my fellow competitors for making me do this. I am proud. I would like to take this time to brag and thank those who have supported my healthy transition over the last 8 months. Congratulations to myself, Abbey, Ashley, and Jesse. WE DID IT!

Also thanks to Mexico for creating the delightfully delicious Corona beer. It served as a GREAT form of hydration following the previous torture.

AND NOW......THE MOST EXCITING MOMENT OF THE DAY.......

Who was waiting for me at the finish line? Who stopped me to congratulate me on my finish?

The love of my life.........

A.C. SLATER

I was walking around, minding my own busines when our eyes met. He stuck out his hand to wave, and my heart melted. And then he spoke....."Congratulations" - the most poetic word I have ever heard. I could not speak. He is beautiful. My life is now complete. Thank you, Albert Clifford. You are a beautiful man and made the torture of running and sadly failing monkey bars by exhausting every muscle in my upper body TOTALLY worth it.

Next up? Half-Marathon!

Huracan......El Aguila......I'm talking to you!

A Family of........Four?!

Okay......so I would first like to report that I am alive.

This was questionable on Saturday at approximately 8:30 a.m. when I was ready to throw myself in Lake Michigan rather than take another step towards the never ending finish line of the 2010 Men's Health Urbanathlon. However.....I opted to surge forward only because my junior high love, Albert Clifford Slater (reference Saved by the Bell) was waiting to take me into his arms at the finish line. Details regarding the race from hell will be given at a later date for both the sanity of Big Boca Bob and you, the reader. I need to recover before posting five minutes of curse words.

On a completely different note, I would also like to report that I officially lost the battle.

Let me introduce you to 5lbs of cuteness packed into an adorable little fluffy four-legged creature.........

The 6-week old fourth member of the Casa de Bob family.........

REGGIE WHITE

Officer Bob and I rescued baby Reggie Sunday morning, and he has most definitely made his presence known in the Casa de Bob household.  Unfortunately, prior to his rescue, little Reggie was not well cared for. He was in immediate need of a bath upon arrival at his new home, and his big brother Gilbert offered to help.

The welcoming committee even came all the way from E-wood to spend some quality time with the pup. A BIG THANKS to Mama Dirt, El Aguila, and Dancing Queen for making the trek to visit with us.

Gilbert, of course, needed some love as well. Trust me....he HAS NOT been deprived of attention since baby Reggie arrived. Has has made sure of that!

Special Note #1: Mama Dirt is not bowing her head in disgust of her two youngest children (not saying that it hasn't happened before) She absolutely REFUSES to have her picture taken. After multiple attempts, this is the best I could do.

Special Note #2: No worries. I have already addressed the issue of my brother's unwillingness to shave. He believes the "hairy" look is necessary for a yet-to-be-mentioned Halloween costume. However, I believe he is only contributing to the dirty Mexican stereotype. Unfortunately, I am told that Halloween is followed by "No-Shave November" and his condition will only get worse before it is remedied.

After the oohs and awws over the new addition to the family, we all settled down for movie/homework/fantasy football updates time. Mama Dirt taught us to multi-task, and we have become quite efficient at it thanks to the discovery of the world wide web.

Special Note #3: Photos like this are what make my family so "special" Five dollars to the individual who comes up with the best caption for the ridiculousness that is occurring above.

Gilbert is a natural in the role of big brother. He does not take his new responsibilities lightly, and he is very adamant about showing Reggie the ropes. He even shared a piece of his rawhide with his bro. It doesn't take much to make these two happy. They get that from their father.

However, we knew the first-day excitement would only last so long. This may be due to the fact that Reggie has discovered his new brother's tail!

Gilbert is such a sweet big bro and lets him play for a bit before finally showing him who's boss.

I think it's safe to say that Reggie has already learned his place in Casa de Bob. We all play by Gilbert's rules.

Those of you who were special enough last year to receive the infamous Green Bay Packer Christmas Card are in for a real treat this year! I'm already working on outfits for Reggie and Gilbert. Officer Bob is not looking forward to the photo shoot.

Sunday's excitement ALMOST made me forget about my inability to move due to soreness. That was until Reggie took his first crap on the carpet and I cursed him for not only using my red carpet as a restroom facility but also forcing me to squat down and clean it up. My cries for sympathy from Officer Bob were unsuccessful. Big surprise there! Little does he know next year he's competing with me!