La Navidad To Remember!

I promise I was a good girl this year.

If you forget about that small mishap involving tequila and a dance floor

And those moments that I kinda sorta referred to my boyfriend as a "cracka"

Oh....and let's overlook that time I walked out of Walmart with an UNscanned case of water under my cart and it was raining REALLY hard and I totally didn't go back in to pay for it. Sorry Mama Dirt.

Good thing Santa's age is finally catching up to him and
his memory is starting to slip

Because Santa Came to Town.........

And what I am assuming was supposed to be coal,

Turned into a DIAMOND!



That's right folks!

OFFICER BOB POPPED THE QUESTION!

And you know I'm a sucker for white boys and bling!

 So here's the details.....

I am a collector.

Not of lint.

But of hand-painted glasses. Wine glasses. Martini glasses. Margarita glasses. Pilsners. Any glass that is capable of holding alcohol and beautifully hand-painted, count me in!




Officer Bob was mandated to spend his Christmas weekend with drug dealers and prostitutes so we took full advantage of his time home in the evening to have our own little gift exchange.

One by one, Officer Bob opened his oh-so-exciting presents consisting of t-shirts, polos, and hoodies. I'm a practical shopper.

Finally, it was MY turn.

Officer Bob handed me a gift of which I was sure of the contents. All of my hand-painted glasses are packaged the same. I had seen plenty of these cylinders and knew exactly what was inside. Or so I thought.

Officer Bob did not appear nervous. He did not appear anxious. There were NO signs that anything was out of the ordinary. Therefore, I went ahead and opened my present in no rush with no anticipation.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear?

But a BEAUTIFULLY hand-painted martini glass decorated with diamond rings...........


And an even more BEAUTIFUL diamond sparkling right in the center.

A real diamond ring.

Diamond.

Ring.



Get it?

I look to my right and see Officer Bob down on one knee in front of the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve mouthing something along the lines of "Will You Marry Me?"

YES! YES! YES!

And one more for good measure.

YES!

I would hardly consider Officer Bob a romantic, but I will never forget the Christmas that Santa sent me a fiance. The man of my dreams. The love of my life.

And my future husband.

Wedding Planning Has Officially Started!

____________________________________________________________________

P.S. I must sincerely apologize to Grand Puba. In the midst of the engagement excitement, I unfortunately was unable to post your very own Birthday Blog. For fear of hurt feelings, I would like to make up for this by providing this blog audience with a "snapshot" of you of which I would like to title:

GRAND PUBA THROUGH THE YEARS

 The Adorable Years

The Swing Choir Years

The "Boys with their Toys" Years

The "Where's Bubbles?" Years

 The Compatible Years

    And The Reno Years

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS, GRAND PUBA!

Your son got you the best gift of all!

A Mexican!!

He Made The Christmas Card

Since posting the final straw of Casa de Bob Doggie Demolition,
(remember the plywood window?)
several of you have asked about the status of our youngest four-legged child.

Here is your update.

Against my better judgment,

AND because the thought of losing a mutt made a grown man whine
(*ahem* Officer Bob)

Alot.

And there is nothing worse than listening to a grown man whine.

Seriously.

Nothing.

I have been guilted into remaining a family of four.

That's right. Reggie made the Christmas card this year.

BUT he's still getting a shitload of coal in his stocking!

Think I can sneak Santa a twenty to take him back to the North Pole with him?

I'm sure Rudolph needs a wing man.

Then again, I couldn't bare the thought of being semi-responsible
for the total destruction of Santa's workshop
totally ruining Christmas for millions of children all over the world.

I guess I have to keep him.

Damn.

I Think I'm In Love

MEMORABLE MOMENTS FROM MY

SLEEPOVER WITH BEANS

• Observing a new father devote his time to caring for a precious baby girl.

• Watching that same father bond with his daughter over yet ANOTHER Bears loss!

• Snuggling with possibly the smallest human being I have ever held in my arms.

• Listening to the story telling talents of the Naked Nana

(Proven by an e-mail I received today explaining the events that led to this blog moniker. Quite possibly one of the FUNNIEST e-mails ever written by a one-armed woman under the influence of several mind-altering drugs)

• Performing a Christmas photo session with one of Santa's littlest elves.

• Watching a new father kinda sorta successfully accomplish his daughter's nighttime bath.

•  Laughing hysterically at the sight of a squeaky clean Beans with a sad case of what we like to call "CareBear Hair"

• Giving my undivided attention to my niece 

•  While making sure to spend quality time with her jealous older brother.

• BUT OBVIOUSLY  SOAKING UP EVERY POSSIBLE MINUTE WITH 6 POUNDS OF GENUINE INNOCENCE.

This little family will never be the same.

Thank you, Beans, for bringing magic to our lives.

This Is How I Spend My Weekends

NIGHT ONE

As Officer Bob sits watching football, and I surf the net in an effort to START my Christmas shopping. The holiday season kinda sorta snuck up on me this year!

Officer Bob: "I need a haircut"

Big Boca Bob: "I'm thirsty"

Officer Bob: "Maybe I can just trim my sideburns"

Big Boca Bob: "Maybe I can get a cappuccino"

Officer Bob: "I think I'm going to go to Mom's and use their clippers to trim my sideburns"

Big Boca Bob: " I think I'm going to go to the gas station and get a cappuccino"

ANYONE STILL READING?

Big Boca Bob: "Will you drive me?"

Officer Bob: "Whatever"

Big Boca Bob: "Do I need to put a bra on?"

Officer Bob: "If you expect me to drive you"

Big Boca Bob: "What if I just put a sweatshirt on?" (I frequently use the rationalization that heavy clothing hides the fact that my boobs are touching my kneecaps.)

Officer Bob: "You are embarrassing!"

Big Boca Bob: "Fine. I'll put on a bra. But I'm NOT gonna like it!"

Officer Bob: "You can walk then"

Big Boca Bob: "FINE!"

About 5 minutes and a block and a half later, I realize my stubbornness is inferior to the fact that it is 15 degrees outside, I am wearing lime green pants, a sweatshirt from high school, and 2 year old slippers. So I reluctantly throw my thumb out in hopes someone will pick up a poor, frozen Mexican from the side of the road.

Officer Bob slams on the brakes, throws open the passenger side door, and shouts:

"Hurry up! Get the eff in! My girlfriend can be a real b-word about this shit!"

Apparently he has done this before.

Should I be worried?
__________________________________________________________________

NIGHT TWO

I receive a phone call from El Aguila.

"Can my gf and I come over to study? It's a proven fact that people study better when they go somewhere they've never studied before."

Does this give me an excuse to eat pizza and chips while completely ignoring my poor attempt at another p90x workout? Yes?

"Sure! Come on over!"

Turns out I'm not a great study buddy.

First two hours spent watching 30 Minutes or Less. Movie grade? A. Very funny. Very inappropriate. Totally my style.

Hour number three spent watching cats dance, comedians sing, and incredibly awkward members of society make attempts at becoming viral superstars on YouTube. Fail.

Hour number four spent listening to El Aguila show off his musical talents in the form of TOTALLY inappropriate and offensive lyrics (stolen from other funny people) combined with some pretty rockin' guitar pickin'

Yes folks, the man you are about to see is currently studying for the MCAT. As he could possibly be attending med school. As he could one day be responsible for performing life-saving medical procedures on very young children or the elderly.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING VIDEOS ARE VERY OFFENSIVE AND INAPPROPRIATE. CONTAIN FOUL LANGUAGE. NOT FOR CHILDREN. IF YOU ARE OVER THE AGE OF 25 BUT STILL HAVE THE MATURITY LEVEL OF A 16 YEAR OLD YOU WILL THOROUGHLY ENJOY.

Lesson 1: Math

Lesson 2: Love

Beans Blab: Welcome To The World, Mi Sobrina!!

December 3, 2011 at 9:31am

Huracan and Mama B became the proud owners of this:

 Tied with Pebbles as the MOST BEAUTIFUL baby ever born!

(but then again, I am a little partial!)

Beans weighed in at 6lbs 9oz

(thankfully much lighter than her 9lb 10oz father)

The jury is still out as to the owner of the dominant genes.

Granny Dirt says the lips come from Mama.

Grandma B says the baby comes from Mexico.

I side with Grandma B.

Regardless, my little bean burrito can be described in one word.

PERFECT.

Tia Big Boca Bob made sure to get her fair share of snuggle time.

Like you had any doubts.

Mommy and baby are both doing great!

Reports of the labor and delivery seem to conflict between

Mother and Father as perceptions of the

13 minutes.....yeah thats right........

I said 13 minutes

seem to be slightly different.

As I try to hash out the details to offer you a full review of the birth,

AND as I locate the memory card holding the hundreds of pictures

with which I tortured my new baby niece, I leave you with this:







My TWO Baby Girls!!

Oh 2011, You sure have blessed me!!



It Took Someone's Birthday To Pull Me Out Of My Blogging Dry Spell

D.A.N.C.I.N.G   Q.U.E.E.N.

Darling

Animated

Nostalgic

Candid

Imaginative

Noticeable

Gabby

(that one's for you, Mama Dirt!)

Quirky

Unique

Energetic

Eccentric

Nerdy

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS, DANCING QUEEN!

There is no one word to describe you, and that, in itself, is an amazing trait!

Your enthusiasm for life radiates with every smile!

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your ridiculous,

sometimes obnoxious, amazingly fun world.

I heart you 19 times over.

P.S.

Beans Blab Update:

Mama B will be induced on Wednesday.

I am more than ready to meet my little bean burrito!

P.S.S

Turns out THREE amazing people were born on this day!

Feliz Cumpleanos, Jamie R. and Mrs.!!