Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I HEART WEEKENDS

Weekend: two days of complete freedom from whining clients, sleeping in until at least 9am, and the possibility of actually spending quality time with Officer Bob

I truly heart weekends. After a crazy busy work week, there is nothing better than spending the day doing WHATEVER I WANT TO DO!

For example:
Activities of this past weekend included lounging around with TWO puppies and Officer Bob, carving pumpkins (a task Officer Bob is still complaining about half way through the following week), cussing at the poor excuse for athletes on my fantasy football team, showing off the newest member of the Casa de Bob family, and introducing friends to the rare species of tree located in the backyard.

Now tell me that doesn't sound exciting?!
(Okay so I realize I don't live the most adrenaline-pumping adventurous life)

 Can you tell Officer Bob was oh-so-excited to be participating in this fantastic Halloween tradition?! Somehow, he was "unfortunately" unable to finish carving his pumpkin before leaving for work. Yeah.....right.
 Good thing I came to the rescue to finish it!

Thanks to Kelly and Jamie for making the hike to Casa de Bob this past weekend!
Gilbert and Reggie loved their presents.  I apologize to Jamie for introducing Kelly to a puppy as I'm sure you've had to listen to whining, begging, and pleading for the past few days for one of your own. 


If she keeps bringing it up, have her refer to the following picture........
Who created this crazy system of having to deal with 5 days of stress before reaching a weekend anyway? Until my buddy Barack responds to my stern letters of disapproval of the 5:2 ratio, I guess I will just have to trudge through the work week.

On the agenda for this weekend?!.........Halloween parties galore!
I love this time of year!



Saturday, October 23, 2010

Jumpin' Taxis and Takin' Names!

Now that I have had a full week to recover, I am able to relive the events from last Saturday without curling in a ball and crying from pain and embarrassment. I would first like to state that during this brief recap of the 2010 Men's Health Urbanathlon, please do not mistake my ranting as a form of hatred towards this race. I had a BLAST competing with over 7,500 "athletes" (I use the term loosely as I'm not so sure I can put myself in this category just yet) in the beautiful scenery of downtown Chicago, and I will most definitely be be doing it all over again next year. However, at times during the run and ridiculous obstacles, I may have thrown out a few cuss words or two. You will be receiving the edited version of my thoughts during the race.

Jesse, his wife Abbey, and her sister Ashley, picked me up at Casa de Bob for our weekend adventure.  I was already nervous for this race due to my lack of preparation and I immediately expressed my concern regarding the tortorous day ahead. I may be in the best shape of my life, but that does not deem me capable of competing in any race sponosred by "Men's Health"

Jesse and Abbey served as driver and navigator through downtown Chicago while Ashley and I rode comfortably in the backseat. Check-in took place at Hard Rock Hotel. We all forgive Abbey for the slight confusion between Hard Rock Cafe and Hard Rock Hotel.  It could have happened to anyone, and I for one enjoyed the scenery of the bustling city. However,every time I take a drive through downtown Chicago, it reminds me more and more why I chose to settle in a town of 1400. I am NOT a city girl.

After recieving our t-shirts and $60 not-so-goody bags, we headed to Baker's Square to carb-load for the race. Meals were selected carefully and we definitely made the right choice in avoiding White Castle sliders the night before the race.

Saturday morning came way too quickly.  It's not too often three girls can be dressed and ready in a half hour, but we weren't exactly going for looks here. Looking back at the pictures.......a little bit of makeup may not have been a bad idea. YIKES!

Pre-race Photos:

The face of the man above is the face of pure terror. Jesse was a veteran of this race as he had competed last year and was unable to move for the week following. He didn't exaclty instill any confidence in us three girls, but we forged ahead anyway.

In all honesty, I don't actually remember alot of the race. The scenery was BEAUTIFUL, and I truly enjoyed running down Lakeshore Drive in amazing weather. This may come as a surprise to you because I have never TRULY ENJOYED any long span of running. Trust me.....I couldn't believe it myself! I have done my best to remember the good, and block out the bad. However, I understand that is not nearly as entertaining to read. So.....I have prepared a short bullet list of memorable moments during the race.
  • I informed Jesse I was not a "talker" when I ran. However, the lack of Ipod and his blabbering mouth turned me into a liar. I actually engaged in conversation the majority of the run. Looking back, this was a great choice as it kept my mind from thinking about how ridiculously hard I was breathing.
  • I apologize to everyone in the vicinity of Mile Marker #5 for the cussing rant when the out-of-shape cramps mixed with the menstrual cramps and I honestly thought my life was coming to end. Thanks to the man who ran head first into the light pole for offering me some comic relief. I really needed it.
  • Marine hurdles are ALOT taller than you think. The pamphlet said there would be three. There were NINE. After my upper body refused to cooperate anymore, I politely turned to Jesse to ask for a small boost.  Fortunately, no man can turn down a whining, menstruating woman.
  • I HATE MONKEY BARS! Who would have thought the hardest part of the race would have been the effing monkey bars? I must note that these were not your ordinary school playground monkey bars.  These were the most ridiculous manly gorilla bars I have ever seen! I watched Jesse scale them no problem, closed my eyes, and prayed to the heavens for some assistance. Unfortunately, God must have been busy that morning because with only two rungs left, I hung there.....and hung there.....and cussed.....alot.......and then?......I fell. I jogged with my head down to the penalty area and completed my 25 push-ups in shame before moving on. Failure is not my thing. I will be competing in next year's race with one goal in mind. Make those monkey bars my b*&%#.
And then.....the END! Where I picked up my medal and paraded around as a kind-of-runner who barely made it through the day mixed with exceptional athletes who train all year for this. I thank my fellow competitors for making me do this. I am proud. I would like to take this time to brag and thank those who have supported my healthy transition over the last 8 months. Congratulations to myself, Abbey, Ashley, and Jesse. WE DID IT!

Also thanks to Mexico for creating the delightfully delicious Corona beer. It served as a GREAT form of hydration following the previous torture.

AND NOW......THE MOST EXCITING MOMENT OF THE DAY.......

Who was waiting for me at the finish line? Who stopped me to congratulate me on my finish?

The love of my life.........

A.C. SLATER

I was walking around, minding my own busines when our eyes met. He stuck out his hand to wave, and my heart melted. And then he spoke....."Congratulations" - the most poetic word I have ever heard. I could not speak. He is beautiful. My life is now complete. Thank you, Albert Clifford. You are a beautiful man and made the torture of running and sadly failing monkey bars by exhausting every muscle in my upper body TOTALLY worth it.

Next up? Half-Marathon!

Huracan......El Aguila......I'm talking to you!

Monday, October 18, 2010

A Family of........Four?!

Okay......so I would first like to report that I am alive.

This was questionable on Saturday at approximately 8:30 a.m. when I was ready to throw myself in Lake Michigan rather than take another step towards the never ending finish line of the 2010 Men's Health Urbanathlon. However.....I opted to surge forward only because my junior high love, Albert Clifford Slater (reference Saved by the Bell) was waiting to take me into his arms at the finish line. Details regarding the race from hell will be given at a later date for both the sanity of Big Boca Bob and you, the reader. I need to recover before posting five minutes of curse words.

On a completely different note, I would also like to report that I officially lost the battle.

Let me introduce you to 5lbs of cuteness packed into an adorable little fluffy four-legged creature.........

The 6-week old fourth member of the Casa de Bob family.........

REGGIE WHITE

Officer Bob and I rescued baby Reggie Sunday morning, and he has most definitely made his presence known in the Casa de Bob household.  Unfortunately, prior to his rescue, little Reggie was not well cared for. He was in immediate need of a bath upon arrival at his new home, and his big brother Gilbert offered to help.

The welcoming committee even came all the way from E-wood to spend some quality time with the pup. A BIG THANKS to Mama Dirt, El Aguila, and Dancing Queen for making the trek to visit with us.
Gilbert, of course, needed some love as well. Trust me....he HAS NOT been deprived of attention since baby Reggie arrived. Has has made sure of that!
Special Note #1: Mama Dirt is not bowing her head in disgust of her two youngest children (not saying that it hasn't happened before) She absolutely REFUSES to have her picture taken. After multiple attempts, this is the best I could do.

Special Note #2: No worries. I have already addressed the issue of my brother's unwillingness to shave. He believes the "hairy" look is necessary for a yet-to-be-mentioned Halloween costume. However, I believe he is only contributing to the dirty Mexican stereotype. Unfortunately, I am told that Halloween is followed by "No-Shave November" and his condition will only get worse before it is remedied.

After the oohs and awws over the new addition to the family, we all settled down for movie/homework/fantasy football updates time. Mama Dirt taught us to multi-task, and we have become quite efficient at it thanks to the discovery of the world wide web.
Special Note #3: Photos like this are what make my family so "special" Five dollars to the individual who comes up with the best caption for the ridiculousness that is occurring above.

Gilbert is a natural in the role of big brother. He does not take his new responsibilities lightly, and he is very adamant about showing Reggie the ropes. He even shared a piece of his rawhide with his bro. It doesn't take much to make these two happy. They get that from their father.


However, we knew the first-day excitement would only last so long. This may be due to the fact that Reggie has discovered his new brother's tail!


Gilbert is such a sweet big bro and lets him play for a bit before finally showing him who's boss.


I think it's safe to say that Reggie has already learned his place in Casa de Bob. We all play by Gilbert's rules.

Those of you who were special enough last year to receive the infamous Green Bay Packer Christmas Card are in for a real treat this year! I'm already working on outfits for Reggie and Gilbert. Officer Bob is not looking forward to the photo shoot.

Sunday's excitement ALMOST made me forget about my inability to move due to soreness. That was until Reggie took his first crap on the carpet and I cursed him for not only using my red carpet as a restroom facility but also forcing me to squat down and clean it up. My cries for sympathy from Officer Bob were unsuccessful. Big surprise there! Little does he know next year he's competing with me!

Friday, October 15, 2010

I Thought They Said "Rum"

Tomorrow is THE day.

Race day.

Otherwise known as F-day.

As in "why the eff did I sign up for this?"

A friend sent me the following photo for encouragement with the tagline
 "I hired the same photographer to take pictures of you during your run"

If this is a joke......
I'm not laughing.

To makes things clear:
At NO time during the Men's Health Urbanathlon will I look like this for the following reasons:
  1. I may not hide it well (as stated in a previous post), but I am Brown.
  2. After rummaging through my closet for an appropriate outfit for tomorrow's race, I opted NOT to go with my red halter top and black bikini bottoms. A girl of my size attempting to jump over taxis and crawl under street barricades must dress for function instead of fashion. It's a shame that extra-large heavy duty sports bras (thats right....I said bras. I have to wear two), baggy t-shirts, and paint-stained running shorts aren't styled on the runway because I pull them off quite nicely.
  3. I have NEVER had this smile on my face while engaging in activity. Don't get me wrong.....exercise is fun (sometimes), but who really enjoys it this much?! Apparently size "0" models who lack the ability to sweat.
  4. My belly button is real.
 The photographer will have his work cut out for him, and at best, may pull off something more like this......


Running is fun, right?
Ask me that tomorrow.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Bloggable Moments From The Past Week That I Am Too Lazy To Expand On......

  • Officer Bob has taken this whole R&B thing to a whole new level.  We have now entered the Boyz II Men genre. Thank you to the previous owners of my house who installed a completely necessary under-the-cabinet kitchen radio on which I have pre-programmed all songs associated with twang and yee-haws.

  • My baby turned TWO! Hard to believe the puppy we picked up from the shelter is now a 100lb. bed-hogging, blind-chewing, hair-shedding small horse. However, my Officer Bob-less evenings at home would not be the same without the companionship of my loving child, Gilbert.  Too bad the Pack couldn't come away with a win to celebrate your birthday!

  • Speaking of furry friends.....I was "THIS" close to Officer Bob bringing a sibling home for Gilbert. What a great birthday present that would have been, right?! I have completely lost the fight. My gazing ball is broken, but I can guarantee that a new puppy will be at our house within the VERY near future. My new blinds are trembling in fear.........then again it could be the wind.

  • Huracan Ramirez, El Aguila, and Big Boca Bob have OFFICIALLY stated full intention of training for the 2011 Chicago Marathon.  Contracts will be written up shortly for our fitness endeavor.  Word to my brothers....YOU MUST SIGN THEM because there is NO WAY IN HELL I am running this ridiculous race myself. Note to all readers: Could you throw in a prayer for my sanity when you sit down for dinner tonight?

  • Dancing Queen is making GIANT strides in deciding what she plans on actually doing with her life post-graduation.  Officer Bob would like to take credit as her academic advisor assisting with calculus homework and life goals.  This is a lie. Period.

  • The new grill works fabulously. There is no photographic proof, but Officer Bob is a great grill master! Thanks to friends who assisted in the consumption of all foods including burgers, brats, chicken, hot dogs, etc.

  • Glee is by far my favorite television show of the week. I wish my life was a musical. (which hasn't been too far of a stretch lately with Officer Bob treating me to fabulous renditions of not-so-great song choices)

  • High school friends make great company! Thanks to Kaiti, Nikki, Ericka, Mallory, and Liz for a fabulous housewarming party at Casa de Bob. I LOVE my pots and pans, festive halloween dish towels, and oh-so-cute mixing bowls.  However, I love my quality time spent with you even more. I only hope we can continue our sporadic get-togethers! Oh Yeah......T-shirt TIIIIIME.......Oh Yeah! (Btw Kelly, I will acknowledge your presence as you were there in spirit, but I am still fairly bitter that you are in Vegas winning millions of dollars and spending it on male strippers and cheap liquor. I live vicariously through you.)
The End.

Monday, October 4, 2010

The Twilight Zone

Day: Sunday, October 3rd

Time: 12:30pm

Place: Casa de Bob

Scene: Big Boca Bob, Officer Bob, and Gilbert are enjoying a leisurely Sunday laying on the couch (still in pajamas) watching my other boyfriend, Donald Driver, and the Green Bay Packers dominate the girdiron.

ENTER THE TWILIGHT ZONE...........

Officer Bob springs from the couch.
Channels his inner Usher..........

And breaks into a surprisingly on-key version of All My Life
by the not-so-much-well-known-anymore K-Ci & JoJo.
Dance moves reminiscent of the Bobby Brown era most definitely included.



Top 10 Things That Came to Mind:
  1. Was it a full moon last night?
  2. When the hell did my cracka boyfriend from the sticks start listening to R&B?!
  3. I REALLY wish he was wearing a white scarf and gloves right now because recreation of the video would be EPIC!
  4. He knows all the words to this song?!
  5. TOUCHDOWN PACKERS! Doesn't he know the game is on?!
  6. How in the hell does he know all the words to this song?! I don't even know all the words to this song.
  7. It's officially time to invest in a video camera.
  8. You really don't hear classic lyrics like this anymore......
Close To Me You're Like My Mother,
Close To Me You're Like My Father, 
 Close To Me You're Like My Sister,
Close To Me You're Like My Brother,
And You Are The Only One My Everything
And For You This Song I Sing....

     9.   If 5 years dating gets me a K-Ci & JoJo song, I'm not so sure I want to stick
           around for the 10 year spontaneous Officer Bob Musical.
    10.  I Heart You, Officer Bob.
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