In Exactly 2 Months.........

THIS MAN
becomes my husband.

Yay for me and
my super hero fantasies!
Too bad this one doesn't have:
A. Super sweet sculpted abs
B. A costume that fits.

My fantasies rarely
become reality.

He's got super sweet white boy dancing skills, though.
So I got that going for me.

Can't wait to say "I Do",
Officer Bob!

The Resemblance is Uncanny

Pebbles.......

I used to think you inherited everything from of your father and your father only.
However, after taking a closer look, the evidence has proven there is really no denying that CareBear is your mother.

Don't see it yet?

Let's take a closer look.

Yup.

She's yours.

 

It's a Small Town

At approximately 6:20am on a brisk Sunday morning, I receive the following text message from Officer Bob who has just left the house for a day on the job:

"Can you make sure the doors are locked? There is a weirdo guy dressed in all black standing in the alley by the railroad tracks just staring at nothing."

My response:

"Creepy"

(Give me a break. It was my weekend. I wanted to sleep. As a general rule, I have trained my brain to not function at full strength until after the sun has come up.)

A reply from Officer Bob:

"Yeah. I even slowed down to check it out and the creep just stood there."

(This is where Officer Bob and I differ. It may be my lack of law enforcement training, but I would NOT slow down to check out creepy guy. I would drive faster to escape potential danger of the situation including but not limited to robbery, murder, etc.)

End Scene.

Later that afternoon, I am enjoying a nice conversation with my future mother-in-law, Daisy Duke. In discussing the day, Daisy Duke informs me that she was out walking the dog early that morning. I inquired as to if she had ventured near the railroad tracks during said walk. Daisy Duke continues to inform me that she indeed was walking the dog near the railroad tracks at exactly 6:20am. I ask if Daisy Duke also witnessed the potential murderer loitering around the tracks at said time.

Her response? (said with slight hesitation)

"I think it was me."

My response?

Laughter. Lots and lots and lots of laughter.

Daisy Duke continues her story by describing the attire she chooses to wear when roaming the streets of our small town bright and early every morning. It may or may not include tall black boots, black coat, scarf , gloves, and black hood worn in the upright position and tied tight.

In Officer Bob's defense, this attire would provoke some type of "creepy" vibe in the darkness of an early winter morning.

So......here is my warning to citizens of this same little village.

The "creepy guy" givin' you that "I need to notify the police of suspicious activity" vibe who is chillin' by the tracks every morning is no more than a loving mother and wife simply engaging in a little exercise.

She'll be the same lady walkin' in her pajamas pushing a cat stroller once spring hits.

Weirdo?

Maybe.

Thief/Killer?

Not so much.


 

Unsolicited Interview Advice

El Aguila has recently been gearing up for super important potentially life changing Med School interviews. Lucky for him, I am an expert in commitment issues and have succeeded in completing quite a collection of job interviews over the last five years.

So here goes........

HOW TO SURVIVE A MEDICAL SCHOOL INTERVIEW

"Tips from a sorta professional in a kinda medical related career field"

Written by Big Boca Bob

1. Browse TMZ's website every morning. Stay up to date on current events (i.e. Kim Kardashian's pregnancy and Justin Bieber may OR may not be smoking the reefer) so you have backup talking points if there is a pause in conversation. It also makes you appear more cultured. .
2. Show up 5 minutes late. It lets your interviewer know you had more important things to do that day. You live a more glamorous life than what some po-dunk medical school could offer you. When they ask why you were late, make up some sweet story about finishing a morning hike up Mt. Everest or running late from a meeting with The Trump himself discussing stocks and sipping on aged whiskey. They should feel privileged to have had the opportunity to meet with you - not the other way around.
3. After shaking hands, when they ask you to have a seat, do so in the biggest, fanciest, rolliest, chair behind the interviewer's desk. Tell him/her you wanted to take your future chair for a test drive. It shows confidence.
4. If you are asked, "What is your biggest strength?" proceed to stand on the desk and strike one hell of a flexed bicep pose. Ask where the gym is on campus because you want to continue to develop your personal strengths. It proves you are motivated for success.
5. Speak in a British accent at all times. There is a misconception in this country that all people from England are members of the royal family. Use this ignorance of Americans to your advantage.
6. Never (and I mean NEVER) wear a suit to an interview. Every other applicant will be wearing black, gray, or navy blue. Steer clear of these colors. Suggestions for attire include neon shades of green and pink paired with your BEST tennis shoes. It shows you are not afraid to break from the norm.
7. Prepare a handwritten resume on wide-ruled notebook paper. The art of writing is dying and employers appreciate your effort in expressing yourself by dotting your i's with hearts and putting smiley faces in all your o's. It shows personality and character.
8. Show your dedication by tattooing the mascot of the Med School at which you are interviewing on your future surgical hand prior to the interview - as long as that mascot is not a donkey. It might create an awkward moment if you shake your interviewer's hand with an ass.
9. If your cell phone rings during the interview, answer it and pretend its the director of a competing PhD program. You should never appear to have only one option.
10. ALWAYS end the interview with an exploding fist pound. Handshakes are for losers. Fist bumps are for winners. YOU ARE A WINNER.