Girls Getaway 2010 Recap

Is it just me or have the expectations of vacations changed over the years? I hope it is not a sign of aging, but I used to get all hyped up for a vacation full of "ride 'til ya puke" roller coasters, death-defying water slides, and high-def techno-savvy show extravaganzas. However, this past weekend offered the same sense of the word "vacation" without all the aforementioned criteria. Instead, I enjoyed a serene view of the beach, laying out in the sun doing absolutely NOTHING, getting up to witness the sunrise without a moan or grumble or pressing of the snooze button, and spending quality time with two of the best friends a girl could ask for. If this is a sign of aging, bring it on Father Time because I wouldn't pass up weekends like this for anything!
What happens when three best friends from college get together for a weekend on the beach? Alot of fun and alot of laughter....that's what! If you don't believe me, just ask Jackie's husband, Tito, who actually braved the trip with us. I would just like to say that it takes a true man to put up with all of us together in a remote cottage for three days. I'm sure he initially thought he would be enjoying a nice relaxing weekend, but he actually wore many hats over the course of the last three days. You make think it odd to invite a man to a girls getaway, but I personally think it was quite ingenious! Let me introduce you to Tito aka chauffeur, grill master, fire starter, personal chef, and cabana boy. Luckily he found a way to remain secluded from our antics and "girly" conversation. Turns out that boys never grow up....give them anything with the word "video game" in the title and they are content.
The car was packed to the brim with all the essentials for a weekend getaway including meat for the grill, towels, sunscreen, bug spray, all the components for smores, and of course adult-beverages. Poor Tiny was shoved between mounds of luggage for the road trip up to Wisconsin. Luckily, his name is very literal and he was content in his assigned seat. Upon arriving to our Door County destination, it took no more than five minutes for us to be pouring adult-sized glasses of Bahama Mama and heading to the beach. There is no one word to describe the view from the back yard. Some would say beautiful, some would say incredible, and I would say just outright ridiculously awesome.
It would have been a perfect moment in the sun had an annoying little creature not decided to take a plunge in my sugary mixed drink. Tell you what, Bee, I see no better way to go than drowning in a pool of vodka and Kool-aid. You lived a short life, but at least it ended peacefully.
We enjoyed drinks, conversation, and a short model shoot on the beach before deciding it was time to put the suits on and catch some rays.




At this point, I learned one of the greatest lessons of the trip. Fat Mexican girls do NOT kayak. Jackie is an adventure-loving water sport enthusiast who thought it would be a great idea to pick the windiest wave-crashing day to teach Aleesha and I to kayak. Keep in mind that I am only describing the hurricane-like winds just to help increase the chances of the following story not sounding too pitiful. Aleesha was a true athlete and took to the water with little effort and flawless technique.

I, on the other hand, battled with that damn bleeping kayak for 30 minutes just to position it in a way to get my larger than life behind adjusted in the seat. That position, however, lasted no more than 30 seconds when after the first wave hit, I was flipped upside down, kayak floating away, me gasping for air. I believe it was at that moment that I shouted "I QUIT!". Chubby chicas and aerodynamic water death traps (also known as kayaks) do NOT mix. While the other girls enjoyed a cardio workout paddling to their heart's desire, I soaked up the sun and took a leisurely swim through the scummy waters of Lake Michigan.

By the time we had carried the kayaks back up the shoreline, Tito had cheeseburgers fresh of the grill and Coronas waiting for us at the house. The rest of the evening was spent bitching about relationships, roasting marshmallows, and sippin' on delicious Mexican beer.

Another sign of aging......Day 1 of vacation and we were in bed by 8:45pm. What is happening to me?
It was decided that we would get up for sunrise in the morning in order to truly take advantage of the rad view from the rocky beach. The alarm went off at 5:30am and we were on the shore, coffee in hand, waiting for Mr. Sunshine to make his grand appearance.
It just so happens that no one informed me or my fancy cell phone of the apparent time change. As a result, I had actually greeted the day at 4:30am and waited two hours on that damn beach. The stressed-out tired, cranky old me would have complained very vocally of this mishap. However, the optimistic, perky, loves-catching-up-with-old-friends me took advantage of the additional time laughing with the girls. Mr. Sunshine graced us with his presence and offered a breathtaking photographic opportunity.

The sunrise was followed by a long walk and an even longer nap in the hammock.

After a few more beers on the beach, we spruced up a bit for a road trip into town.
Destination? Anywhere with free wine. Chauffeur Tito drove us to a quaint little winery/bistro where we spent the majority of the late afternoon/evening. The bruschetta and beer combo made for a great appetizer followed by a Divine dinner of exotic mushroom pizza and Razzle Dazzle Raspberry wine.

Jackie and Aleesha: "Here's to classy ladies!"
Big Boca Bob: "I can't toast to that."
Poor Tito than drove us around the quaint little towns of Door County as we laughed and chatted in the car making him stop at every opportunity for a picture. As I stated, there can never be enough photographic documentation. Our drive ended at Peninsula State Park where we made it just in time to witness Mr. Sunshine's dramatic exit from the sky. I could not have asked for a better day filled with good drinks, great views, and even better company.

The last day of the trip, Chef Tito spoiled us with pancakes, omelets, and bacon for breakfast as we took advantage of our last chance laying in the sun. (Like I said....he's a good man)
It also served as a momentous occasion when I took my first puff of a cigar. I tell you, there is nothing classier than three grown women sunbathing, beer in one hand, cigar in the other. For all you cigar smokers out there....what the hell is the point?! You don't inhale and it tastes like shit. Needless to say, I don't plan on picking up the habit anytime soon.


The ride home was quiet and filled with mixed emotions as we all knew our short time together just wasn't enough. We discussed several potential sites for Girls Getaway 2011, and I am already preparing for next year's vacation. This time, however, it was suggested that Tito get the year off and Officer Bob substitute in as chauffeur, grill master, fire starter, personal chef, and cabana boy. I haven't yet informed Officer Bob of this arrangement, but I know it will most likely result in much hesitation and compromising. (That...and I'm not so sure how he feels about aprons and speedos)

I miss you girls already! Thanks again for the memories!

Orange Glow?...Try Orange No!

Dear Orange Glow Paint,

I HATE you! I hate you, despise you, loathe you, detest you, and "any other form of the word" you. I have thought many times about punching you, kicking you, or even throwing you into a burning building. I would do so without a single ounce of remorse. Get the picture?!

It is such a shame that our relationship had to end up this way. I remember our first meeting in the paint aisle. I was dressed in my hot pink t-shirt, paint splattered 80's shorts, two mismatched socks and 5 year old tennis shoes. Still....though....you couldn't take your eyes off of me. I knew it had to be. It was practically love at first sight. I ignored the shades of blues, greens, and reds as I glanced over my choices. You and your clever sparkle captivated me, and I could only focus on you and how rad you would look in my fabulous new kitchen and dining room. You jumped off the shelf into my hand, and I couldn't let go. I wasn't sure how you would fit into my already established relationship with Officer Bob. I thought my affair with you might come between the two of us. However, much to my surprise, he let you in without a moan or grumble. He didn't even question my love for you. His understanding of your presence in my life made the decision final. I was taking you home where I could enjoy your bright, shiny face every day! We walked hand in hand out of the Lowe's store and I carried you all the way home. I even took a little piece of you everywhere I went. I told all my friends about you and shared stories about all my great plans for our future relationship together. I prepared the walls to the best of my ability to truly show off your radiance. I primed them TWICE just to show you how much you mean to me.

And then?! How did you treat me?! You cheated on me with the nasty brown paint you were actually picked to replace. You know what I heard? I heard that nasty brown paint is a whore and gets with all the other paint colors. You just couldn't let her go, could you? You broke my heart with your unwillingness to fully cover your new love. I can't believe you chose her over me? I couldn't even look at you on those kitchen walls with "the other paint" hanging around. I put in all those hours preparing for our relationship, and you just blow me off? How dare you?!

However, after we talked for a few hours, you explained you were terribly sorry for being so disloyal, and you wanted a second chance to prove your allegiance and love to me. I discussed your plea for a second chance with Officer Bob, and we agreed to let you back into our lives. This time, however, Officer Bob had his guard up and brought in the expertise of Mr. Lowe's man on how to deal with your infidelity. Mr. Lowe's man instructed us to spend even more money and time on the walls you would cover. I was hesitant, but I just couldn't stop thinking about you since the day we met, and I truly needed you in my life. Mr. Lowe's man told me that the only color the nasty brown paint whore wouldn't get with was gray-tinted primer. To show you how loyal I was to you, I brought in the gray-tinted primer to rid the whore from our lives. It was finally time for you to prove your love to me, so I once again gave you the chance to impress me with your radiance.

What's that?! You cheated on me AGAIN?! This time you left the nasty brown paint whore out of the equation and went straight towards the gray-tinted primer! What does she have that I don't have?! She's not even a real paint, dammit! She's a trashy primer that gets used by all the paint colors. I refuse to shed another tear over you. After this second bout of infidelity, I will have you know Orange Glow Paint, you are dead to me! NO....I will not listen to your pleas for forgiveness. NO...I will not give you another chance. I hope you are happy with your meaningless relationships with nasty brown paint whore and trashy primer. They will never make you as happy as I could have. We really could have had something, ya know?!

I am writing this letter as a formal termination of our relationship. You not only hurt me, but you also hurt Officer Bob. We have officially moved on. In fact, Officer Bob has found your replacement. And guess what?! It's your cousin in the Orange family! BOO YA! In your face, Orange Glow Paint! How does it feel to know that your cousin and I will be waking up to each other every day while you are still ridin' on every color you can get basking in your misery? I don't even care that my new love is named after a Disney character. "Get Goofy" and I will laugh every time we think of you and your stupid trashy whores.

IT'S OVER, Orange Glow Paint!

Sincerely,

Big Boca Bob

3 days and counting......

I am hoping, praying, pleading, and begging that this work week flies by. And by "work" I mean forcing my opinions regarding fitness and nutrition on poor innocent young minds and by "week" I mean the next 72 hours. I am not wishing my life away by any means, but I have been waiting patiently for several months for this weekend to come. I take that back.....patient has never been the best word to describe me. In fact, I'm not quite sure anyone has ever used that word and my name in the same sentence. Unless they were of course referring to my "patience" with Officer Bob as he shouted at the poor Burger King drive-thru employee calling her an f-ing b-word through a small sliding glass window. But that is another story for another time.

The countdown is finally reaching it's last days. This weekend, the weekend of August 27th - 29th, 2010, I will be heading to Door County, WI with two AMAZING friends for a three day worry-free, laid-back, water-lovin', sun-bathin', margarita-drinkin', fun-filled getaway. I realize this is probably not as exciting as you had anticipated, but I not only want this reunion with these girls - I NEED this getaway for my own sanity. What could be better than canoeing around a remote island or sitting at the water's edge sipping on a tequila sunrise (heavy on the tequila)? As the Door County marketing team states, "From the extreme to the serene - my vacation awaits!" Hell ya it does! My vacation with these girls has been "awaiting" for over two years now. Three girls who were inseparable in college have been unable to find a mutually convenient weekend in over two years for a get together. This may have been caused by my ability to get into car accidents prior to TWO previously scheduled reunions, but NOTHING will prevent me from attending this weekend's festivities. A soon-to-be occupational therapist from the snow-fallen hills of South Dakota, a "don't-take-no-crap" cop from the bustling metropolis of the 'burbs, and a loud-mouth fitness advisor from the rural streets of small-town living will once again come together for a much-anticipated spectacular weekend escape.

Who knew after we all met as Resident Assistant's for the Linc/Wash/New Hall (yeah that's right I said New Hall) staff in the fall of 2005 that we would become the best of friends attending monumental moments in each other's lives including birthdays, graduations, and even a wedding. My life as a leatherneck at Western Illinois University would not have been the same without these two girls by my side. In anticipation of this upcoming weekend, I would like to share with Jackie, Aleesha, and a blog audience (including friends, family, and a creepy stalker or two) a few remeber when's that make these girls great companions and also giving you a little glimpse into my life as an undergad at WIU.

REMEMBER WHEN...........

Jackie surprised Aleesha for her birthday?!

It was hard to keep Jackie's visit a secret. Those of you who know me can attest to this. Trust me....I'm about as good at keeping secrets as Brett Farve is at retiring. Jackie made the trek from up north to wish Aleesha a very happy birthday and spent the evening dancing on the speakers of the well-known Pace bar.
Of course we would pick the bar that allows free refills from the keg on your birthday.
Unfortunately, Aleesha was unable to stand up to the challenge of the endless "Happy Birthday" cup and lost the battle fairly quickly in the evening. As a result, I was "forced" to quickly consume full glasses of Miller Lite when she wasn't looking after she continuously headed to the bar for refill after refill.
It was not until the next morning that I revealed my sneaky scheme which prevented me from having to carry her 15 blocks back to the dorm. All in the name of friendship.
REMEMBER WHEN......

We went camping for an RA social, and I brought my Mexican ghetto tent with the missing tent poles? Good thing we had an engineer on sight to rig the tent using large limbs from the surrounding trees! Lesson learned: check the tent to make sure ALL pieces are included before driving to the campsite. However, as a good Resident Assistant should be, we were resourceful and quick thinkers!

REMEMBER WHEN........

I actually crawled from bar to bar during the infamous St. Patty's bar crawl? I believe it was not but a few beverages into the evening, but I opted to take the name of the evening's event literally and crawl across fairly heavy traffic. I may have received many suspicious looks but it made for an eventful evening!

REMEMBER WHEN.....

We made by far the worst tasting peppermint martini's ever! Emeril would have been so disappointed in our abilities to mix culinary arts with bartending. This is the reason I would have never made any money in the biz. However, I do have to admit that they looked awful pretty! In case you are wondering.....NO. Candy canes do not taste very good when mixed with vodka.
REMEMBER WHEN.......
Big Boca Bob and Aleesha drove to Jackie's for the best birthday celebration ever! They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I don't need a thousand words to describe the photographic evidence of that eventful evening. The night involved dancing, drinking, and what's that you say? More dancing?! I have never turned down an opportunity to jump on stage and get my groove on. As always.....my dances moves were on point!
Followed by a ride home in the limo!
REMEMBER WHEN......
Jackie made a cameo appearance as Ariel after you girls spent an all-nighter working on the WIU homecoming float? Jackie does bare a striking resemblance to the Disney princess but the 4 gallons of coffee and cream consumed in a 24-hour period made her unworthy of appearing in a Disney G-rated film. It was times like those that we cursed our position as a Resident Assistant for a public university, but it was also times like those that made us such a tight-knit group of friends.
REMEMBER WHEN......
Jackie married the man of her dreams in a beautiful ceremony in a beautiful church allowing yet another moment for memories to be made.

I know this may come as a surprise to you, but the reception was the highlight of the night beginning with dinner, progressing with drinks, and capped off by endless hours of dancing! If I'm not mistaken, this was also the night I attempted a late night dip in the hotel pool by loudly sneaking in, jumping over the railing, and face-planting on the cement. Unfortunately, if I had used better judgement, I would have noticed that the pool had late night hours, and I simply could have opened the gate to enjoy a swim. That's what I get for trying to be a rebel!
REMEMBER WHEN.....
Jackie thought she was too old to hang out with us? After graduation, the girls decided to visit WIU one night, and the old career-driven woman fell asleep at 9:00pm. We realized at that moment that she was officially a grown up and we were lagging behind in the maturity process. Rather than sulking in our own immaturity, Aleesha and I opted for a late night Mexican hat dance and several glasses of wine!

REMEMBER WHEN......
Aleesha, Jackie, and Big Boca Bob went to Door County, WI and had a great time catching up, reliving the college years, and relaxing amongst sunsets and wine?!
I CANNOT wait to see you girls this weekend. I am certain we will engage in phenomenal adventures leading to several more remember when's.
NOTE: Contrary to what the above statements/photos may lead you to believe, my college years did not ONLY involve drinking and dancing. After going through old pictures, I did, however, discover that it seems as though I only carried my camera when engaging in such activities. Mama Dirt spent a pretty penny enrolling me in 18 years of dance lessons. When you have a talent such as I, it is only my duty to take advantage of every opportunity to show it off. I thank you bars of Macomb, IL for offering me the platform to do so. That platform apparently came in the form of speakers, bar counters, dance floors, and stages. Your money did not go to waste, Mama Dirt.

Big Sisters Are the Crab Grass in the Lawn of Life

Where did the time go? Dancing Queen embarks on her senior year of high school tomorrow. In case you didn't see it correctly, I said SENIOR year! I honestly cannot believe this day has come. The baby of the family (and trust me....she takes advantage of this role) is actually in her last year of education in the halls of good 'ol EHS. I'm not sure if this is so shocking to me because it means I have been out of those halls for over 6 years now or if it's because of Dancing Queen's young-at-heart personality. I just can't believe this girl will be branching out on her own soon.


I was perusing through the housewares aisle of Walmart yesterday (an aisle I should take stock in because I have spent many hours there over the past couple of weeks) when I ran into a family friend. After the basic exchange of the common greeting, "Hello...How have you been?", this fellow shopper jumps right to the topic of the similarities of Dancing Queen and I. As mentioned in a previous post, we get this alot. I mean.....ALL.THE.TIME. However, this time the phrase was worded a little differently. Dancing Queen has been told for years, "You remind me so much of your sister!" or "You look just like your sister!" A small town is not exactly the greatest environment for two sisters who share very similar personalities and very similar looks. Teachers have even gone to the extremes of confusing her with I in the classroom. Whoops! Sorry, Dancing Queen. However, Dancing Queen has embraced her role as "Big Boca Bob's sister" with an extra burst of pizazz. In a turn of events, however, during conversation next to the oven mitts (of which I bought two), I was told "You look and act so much like your sister!" I should have you know, Dancing Queen, that my initial response to this comment was "Thank you for the compliment." It's true. Dancing Queen has matured into an AWESOME broad, and I honestly take it as a compliment to hear that I remind others of HER with my mannerisms and dashing good looks. It was at that moment that I realized Dancing Queen is a full-blown, real-life adult! Scary thought I know. Others now see us on the same page. Dancing Queen is no longer the shorter shadow of myself. Instead, she is the taller (yes I said it) more beautiful young woman who continues to mature every day.
I would like to now take this time to congratulate you, Dancing Queen, on surviving many years of childhood as my twin in matching outfits, matching hairstyles, and hand-me-down clothes. You are now you! You are a unique individual that I am able look to up to (both figuratively and literally). By unique I mean a little goofy, often uber-outgoing, and sometimes just outright crazy. You have a contagious personality and a love for life. I only hope that I can now live up to your strong qualities as a friend, sister, and overall great human being.

Good luck during your senior year, Dancing Queen. Take advantage of all the opportunities to make long-lasting memories. Know that I am always here for you if you need to chat or choreograph a freakin' sweet dance routine. I refuse, however, to help with any sort of homework. Those days are behind me, and I politely decline any opportunity to suffer through them again. Have fun.....the year will fly by, and I'm not sure the world is ready for you.

Oh....and by the way.....
Has anyone ever told you that you look and act just like your sister?!