My Brother Is Cooler Than Your Brother

El Aguila and I have always been - BY FAR - the most competitive siblings. He was naturally gifted with more intelligence and better athleticism than I, but I have always made an A+ effort in knocking him off of Grandma and Grandpa's little pedestal. This may seem odd as El Aguila is actually 4 years younger than I, but his continued success will always challenge me to be better. Maybe there is something kinda sorta ok about having a little twerp for a brother. Luckily, over the past couple of years, El Aguila made some less-than-mediocre life decisions, and my position in Grandma and Grandpa's spotlight was shining yet again.

HOWEVER -

Listen carefully, El Aquila,

because today I finally throw the white flag. I hang my head in shame knowing that you are truly greater than I. Let's be honest here - I never crossed the finish line 3rd in the state of Illinois after running several miles, I never received a scholarship for entrance into the actual real life United States Naval Academy because I have lightning speed running legs and Einstein-like math skills AND THEN turned down said scholarship because I am just too cool to wear that weird looking boat hat. I have never sent 14,000 text messages in ONE month because I simply have too many people that want to be my friends.

AND I HAVE NEVER STUDIED FOR 6 MONTHS FOR THE HARDEST TEST EVA!!!!

NOR HAVE I EVER CHOSEN TO SIT FOR SEVERAL HOURS TO TAKE "HARDEST TEST EVA" ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

You win - El Aguila - you win!

Every time I have called over the past few weeks, you answered with "What you want, fool? I'm studying."

translation - BORING

Every time I invited you to one of my super cool house parties, you answered with "I can't. I'm studying."

translation - SUPER BORING

And this one time you even turned down going to LAMBEAU FIELD (best place on Earth) because you were studying!!

translation - SUPER MEGA CRAZY BORING

I can't even begin to understand how incredibly dull the last few months of your life have been (because I'm obviously the complete opposite of incredibly dull). I don't even know what the words physics, organic chemistry, and bioecology mean. In fact....I may have even made up that last one. You have been the least cool person I know, and I don't know why, but I'm super proud of you for doing it!

You are smarter.

You are more athletic.

You are you.

But I, my brother, am prettier.
I can still count on my looks to keep up with your awesomeness.

Congratulations on accomplishing something that very few people will ever attempt. KICK THAT MCAT'S GLUTEUS MAXIMUS. Remember that the test score you will receive in approximately one month does not matter. For you - mi hermano - have already proven your focus, determination, and drive for success.

And all of this done by your 22nd birthday.

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS EL AGUILA!

You are the 2nd smartest guy I know.

(2nd to Osama Bin Father, of course)

You make me uber proud every day of your existence.

NOW GO CELEBRATE!

Your super lame reputation needs some serious help after the past few months.

Call me if you need to up your cool factor by hanging out with someone totally better looking than you.