Fitness Corner with Bob

At a little over 5'4" and stacked with some extra padding in all the necessary areas, I have never been described as a super athlete. I'm O.K. with this. I was never great at any particular sport or athletic event, and I have always been comfortable being fairly mediocre at just about anything requiring endurance and/or strength.

Until today.

I am minding my own business at the gym this morning working on my second set of dumbbell tricep kickbacks when a young gentleman approaches me. When I say he approaches me, I mean he punches my arm in a "long-time-no-see-buddy" kind of manner and gives a little head nod which I'm assuming is some sort of greeting in his meat-head egotistical world. I'm not so sure how to respond to this greeting so I simply give a head nod back thinking this will suffice his need for attention. Apparently this was not sufficient enough, and he signals for me to remove my headphones. I was reluctant to do so as I was in the middle of jamming to a little bit of Jackson 5 (don't judge), and I REALLY did not want to engage in any sort of conversation with this particular fellow. Unfortunately, against my better judgement, I remove only one ear bud (so I can still get a little bit of that "ABC...Easy as 1-2-3" buzzing in my other ear). He then has the nerve to say to me, "You using those?" and points at the dumbbells in my hand. OF COURSE I AM USING THEM! Are you kidding me? He interrupted a classic Jackson 5 song to ask if I am using a piece of equipment that I am CLEARLY exercising with at that very moment?! As I am about ready to politely respond to his initial question, he then says "Don't you think those are a little heavy?" OH NO YOU DIDN'T! (At this point, picture a stout Mexican chica snapping her fingers in Z-formation while simultaneously giving a little head rotation). This chicken-legged, bacon for brains, jackass did not just tell me that I am incapable of lifting a 20lb dumbbell. In my opinion, this comment did not need a response so I shook my head in disgust and reinserted the left ear bud only to find that one of my favorite workout tunes was now over. Thanks, jerk! I continue to finish my second set of tricep kickbacks and become more and more furious at the previous comment. This young (and it must be said NOT-so-attractive) male must have thought my peripheral vision was as weak as my right arm because he continued to watch me lift from his permanent station in front of the mirror. For some reason, I felt the need to prove myself to this cocky son of a b-word so I set down the 20lb dumbbell, picked up the 35lb dumbbell, and started my next set. I must make a note here to let you know that I have never performed this exercise with any weight higher than 25lbs. However, the anger raging through every inch of my body allowed me to execute the exercise with perfect technique for a maximum of 12 repetitions. I was almost positive I could hear my left tricep tearing, but NOTHING was going to stop me from proving to this asshole that I am perfectly capable of picking an appropriate weight at the gym. I finished my workout and was walking back to the locker room when who should walk by? But the very reason that I have been unable to move my arms for the past 5 hours. He starts to approach me again, and I am thinking to myself, "You have got to be kidding me?" It was at that moment that I hear the best four words of my week. He simply said "Insert. Foot. In. Mouth."

That's right, not-so-attractive gym rat! IN YO' FACE!


Now I must go ice my arms. Turns out vindication is pretty painful.