#burritobeat2015 Day 47

Love is a four legged word.

Every child needs a dog and every dog needs a child. There is an unspoken bond between Bobbie Burrito and her puppy brothers. They support, protect, and entertain one another. Watching them interact melts my puppy lovin' heart. I will never have to fear that my daughter will never experience limitless love because I know she already has.   

#burritobeat2015 Days 37 & 38

A Friday and Saturday summed up in one word.

Bums.

#burritobeat2015 Day 21

I give up. Warmer temperatures = melting snow = wet ground = mud. Eight muddy paws run in and out of my kitchen several times a day and the mop is officially on strike. Bobbie Burrito is entertained by the emotional response of rage and frustration her puppy brothers receive from Mom every time they come inside from a potty break. Mom does not see the humor.

My Name Is Big Boca Bob

And it has been two weeks since my last entry.


The Llama's wedding has jumped straight to the top of my "things to do" list. There are crafts to be completed, ribbons to be tied, candy dishes to be filled, musical duets to be rehearsed and one bride-to-be to keep stress free. The last item might become the most difficult to accomplish in the coming weeks.
Twenty-seven days and counting until The Llama becomes a Mrs., and if her bachelorette festivities last night serve as a preview for the wedding events, I can assure you it will be one heck of a camo sportin', ol glory drankin', cowboy boot stompin' party. Thanks CareBear for providing a fabulous girls night out and thanks Daisy Duke for providing most of the entertainment for the evening. :)

As my hobbies as a party planner, dance recital coordinator, and wedding diva become a full-time job, Officer Bob and the boys have felt a little neglected - and they aren't afraid to show that they are utterly unimpressed with my lack of free time.

Luckily, Officer Bob has stepped up to the plate to share a little extra quality father-son bonding time with the boys.

I honestly don't know what I would do without him..................





Oh wait......nevermind..........
I would sleep in my own bed!


Please excuse my part-time demotion of blogging on my priority list. I promise to move it up the list immediately right in between folding laundry and vaccuming the carpet I'm sure is hiding under days of dog hair.

Don't give up on me yet, blog readers! The fun is just starting!

He Made The Christmas Card

Since posting the final straw of Casa de Bob Doggie Demolition,
(remember the plywood window?)
several of you have asked about the status of our youngest four-legged child.

Here is your update.

Against my better judgment,

AND because the thought of losing a mutt made a grown man whine
(*ahem* Officer Bob)

Alot.

And there is nothing worse than listening to a grown man whine.

Seriously.

Nothing.

I have been guilted into remaining a family of four.

That's right. Reggie made the Christmas card this year.

BUT he's still getting a shitload of coal in his stocking!

Think I can sneak Santa a twenty to take him back to the North Pole with him?

I'm sure Rudolph needs a wing man.

Then again, I couldn't bare the thought of being semi-responsible
for the total destruction of Santa's workshop
totally ruining Christmas for millions of children all over the world.

I guess I have to keep him.

Damn.

It's Been Two Weeks......

since I kinda/sorta ran but most definitely finished a marathon.

And I haven't had time to blog about it because of the following:

Destroyed Couch #1

3 escapes from the back yard fence.

New bars screwed into aluminum fence to increase security.



Destroyed Couch #2

8 more "how the %$&@ is he getting out?!" escapes from the backyard fence.

ALOT of cussing and heavy drinking.

Destroyed guest bedroom sheets AND mattress.

More cussing.

More drinking.

AND JUST ANOTHER LIFE MOMENT TO ADD TO THE LIST OF

"SHIT YOU CAN'T MAKE UP"?

Today......upon returning home from work, I see this.

Look closely.

The DOUBLE pane window through which my 1 year old dog actually jumped.

When it was closed.

Forcing me to make the ultimate decision.

It's official:

All the love in the world can't keep me from finding this young pup a new home.

Apparently it wasn't meant to be.

I can't take it anymore.

My bank account can't take it anymore.

You win, Reggie, you win.

:(

And who do I call when I need plywood shoved in my broken window?

Who do I call when I pretty much need anything?

THIS GUY.

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. P for bringing this man into the world.
Thank you, CareBear, for marrying him.
Thank you, Mrs. for sharing your brother with me.

I realize I am in no shape or form related to this man (unless he has some "brown" gene I'm unaware of), but he has never turned down a phone call from a crying, yelling, stressed out, Mexican woman. And I can't thank him enough.

And what makes me smile out of this whole situation?

The fact that this little girl now follows her daddy to all Casa de Bob 911 phone calls.

Too bad we have become "those people."
The ones all the neighbors are ashamed to be living near.

You know what I heard happened?

That loud Mexican chick and her cracka officer boyfriend got in a fight. He called INS. They were evicted. She was deported. AND they boarded up the windows with that poor dog inside.

But that's just what I heard.

He Is SO Grounded!

The most recent picture of my

not even one year old,

barely been introduced to a variety of bottom,

pretty damn expensive couch.........

There are no words......

(that are blog appropriate)

If it wasn't confirmed "last time"

it has been confirmed now.

Not only does my dog need valium,

he needs a 9-hour daily sedative.

Reader Poll - Mature Audience Only

WARNING: Blog post contains explicit content (nudity).
May not be suitable for children. Parental discretion is advised.

POLL QUESTION:  Is this normal?!

Dog #1:   GILBERT

Dog #2:   REGGIE

This can't be comfortable, right?!


Waking up to the sight of dog genitalia makes me slightly uncomfortable and causes uncontrollable giggling. I am immature. I should have watched more rated R movies as a child. Maybe I would have been better prepared for situations like this. I am now taking any suggestions/tips on how to alter the sleeping habits of my four-legged children.

Thank You.

Gonna Lay Ya Down By The Fiyah!

If you plan to visit my household within the next ten to fifteen years, please do not dress like an African-American chef. I realize this is quite a demanding request as I personally don't leave the house without my chef hat and chocolate face paint, BUT please do your best to abide by this rule.

Officer Bob has trained my poor dog to be sincerely frightened of all members of the culinary profession. I sincerely apologize to all chefs, bakers, former elementary school cafeteria workers, and the like.

P.S. Officer Bob owned this lovely figurine prior to our house purchase. It will NOT be displayed in the kitchen as requested.

P.S.S. Just add this video to the long list of ridiculous things that keep me entertained. I need to get a life.

True Life: My Dog Needs Valium

Ever had those night terrors when you imagine your bed is an evil zombie plotting to kill you so you take it upon yourself to drag it around the house and shred it to pieces leaving nothing but a dead pillowcase carcass?

NO?

Oh.......I guess that's just Reggie then.

Guess that's what I get for letting him watch

Night of the Living Dead right before bed.

Good thing I can practice motherhood with adopted dogs rather than human children.
Life is all about trial and error right?
CareBear and Titty Baby should refrain from allowing Gunther to have sleepovers at Uncle Officer Bob's house for at least the first 8-10 years of his/her life.

Until I can get a prescription for puppy Xanax, I'll guess I'll stick with giving Reggie a shot of vodka with his bedtime story. Always worked for me!

I Hate Vicadin

I have not died........

It was touch and go there for awhile, but I promise I am still kickin.

Now that I am able to once again sit up without screaming in pain (embarassing story to be told in a future post), the boys and I have geared up for the big game ahead!

GO PACK GO!!

Warning: Do NOT consume 6 pills (consisting of pain meds, muscle relaxers, and anti-inflammatories at the same time) My iron stomach is apparently capable of downing tequila shots by the gallon, but give me a vicadin, and Im hugging the porcelain throne. Vomiting with a sprained back is NOT ok. There is no pain comparable.

PLEASE let the Packers win today to make up for the fact that I'm currently walking like a 90 year old woman.

I Should Really Invest In Bunk Beds

Just your average Sunday evening at Casa de Bob............

Where am I you ask?

Attempting to coax the the four-legged family members off the bed using basted biscuits.

Too bad Officer Bob was the only one to fall for my trick.

Turns out "basted biscuits" sounds alot like "tasty Triscuits"

Lesson learned.

Just kick the dogs.

P.S. Please disregard the mismatched bedding. Reggie relieved himself (in the liquid form) on the comforter, and this one was stolen from the guest bedroom. I'm no Martha Stewart, but my lack of a keen eye for interior decorating does recognize that something doesn't quite belong here.

A Family of........Four?!

Okay......so I would first like to report that I am alive.

This was questionable on Saturday at approximately 8:30 a.m. when I was ready to throw myself in Lake Michigan rather than take another step towards the never ending finish line of the 2010 Men's Health Urbanathlon. However.....I opted to surge forward only because my junior high love, Albert Clifford Slater (reference Saved by the Bell) was waiting to take me into his arms at the finish line. Details regarding the race from hell will be given at a later date for both the sanity of Big Boca Bob and you, the reader. I need to recover before posting five minutes of curse words.

On a completely different note, I would also like to report that I officially lost the battle.

Let me introduce you to 5lbs of cuteness packed into an adorable little fluffy four-legged creature.........

The 6-week old fourth member of the Casa de Bob family.........

REGGIE WHITE

Officer Bob and I rescued baby Reggie Sunday morning, and he has most definitely made his presence known in the Casa de Bob household.  Unfortunately, prior to his rescue, little Reggie was not well cared for. He was in immediate need of a bath upon arrival at his new home, and his big brother Gilbert offered to help.

The welcoming committee even came all the way from E-wood to spend some quality time with the pup. A BIG THANKS to Mama Dirt, El Aguila, and Dancing Queen for making the trek to visit with us.

Gilbert, of course, needed some love as well. Trust me....he HAS NOT been deprived of attention since baby Reggie arrived. Has has made sure of that!

Special Note #1: Mama Dirt is not bowing her head in disgust of her two youngest children (not saying that it hasn't happened before) She absolutely REFUSES to have her picture taken. After multiple attempts, this is the best I could do.

Special Note #2: No worries. I have already addressed the issue of my brother's unwillingness to shave. He believes the "hairy" look is necessary for a yet-to-be-mentioned Halloween costume. However, I believe he is only contributing to the dirty Mexican stereotype. Unfortunately, I am told that Halloween is followed by "No-Shave November" and his condition will only get worse before it is remedied.

After the oohs and awws over the new addition to the family, we all settled down for movie/homework/fantasy football updates time. Mama Dirt taught us to multi-task, and we have become quite efficient at it thanks to the discovery of the world wide web.

Special Note #3: Photos like this are what make my family so "special" Five dollars to the individual who comes up with the best caption for the ridiculousness that is occurring above.

Gilbert is a natural in the role of big brother. He does not take his new responsibilities lightly, and he is very adamant about showing Reggie the ropes. He even shared a piece of his rawhide with his bro. It doesn't take much to make these two happy. They get that from their father.

However, we knew the first-day excitement would only last so long. This may be due to the fact that Reggie has discovered his new brother's tail!

Gilbert is such a sweet big bro and lets him play for a bit before finally showing him who's boss.

I think it's safe to say that Reggie has already learned his place in Casa de Bob. We all play by Gilbert's rules.

Those of you who were special enough last year to receive the infamous Green Bay Packer Christmas Card are in for a real treat this year! I'm already working on outfits for Reggie and Gilbert. Officer Bob is not looking forward to the photo shoot.

Sunday's excitement ALMOST made me forget about my inability to move due to soreness. That was until Reggie took his first crap on the carpet and I cursed him for not only using my red carpet as a restroom facility but also forcing me to squat down and clean it up. My cries for sympathy from Officer Bob were unsuccessful. Big surprise there! Little does he know next year he's competing with me!

Bloggable Moments From The Past Week That I Am Too Lazy To Expand On......

• Officer Bob has taken this whole R&B thing to a whole new level.  We have now entered the Boyz II Men genre. Thank you to the previous owners of my house who installed a completely necessary under-the-cabinet kitchen radio on which I have pre-programmed all songs associated with twang and yee-haws.

• My baby turned TWO! Hard to believe the puppy we picked up from the shelter is now a 100lb. bed-hogging, blind-chewing, hair-shedding small horse. However, my Officer Bob-less evenings at home would not be the same without the companionship of my loving child, Gilbert.  Too bad the Pack couldn't come away with a win to celebrate your birthday!

• Speaking of furry friends.....I was "THIS" close to Officer Bob bringing a sibling home for Gilbert. What a great birthday present that would have been, right?! I have completely lost the fight. My gazing ball is broken, but I can guarantee that a new puppy will be at our house within the VERY near future. My new blinds are trembling in fear.........then again it could be the wind.

• Huracan Ramirez, El Aguila, and Big Boca Bob have OFFICIALLY stated full intention of training for the 2011 Chicago Marathon.  Contracts will be written up shortly for our fitness endeavor.  Word to my brothers....YOU MUST SIGN THEM because there is NO WAY IN HELL I am running this ridiculous race myself. Note to all readers: Could you throw in a prayer for my sanity when you sit down for dinner tonight?

• Dancing Queen is making GIANT strides in deciding what she plans on actually doing with her life post-graduation.  Officer Bob would like to take credit as her academic advisor assisting with calculus homework and life goals.  This is a lie. Period.

• The new grill works fabulously. There is no photographic proof, but Officer Bob is a great grill master! Thanks to friends who assisted in the consumption of all foods including burgers, brats, chicken, hot dogs, etc.

• Glee is by far my favorite television show of the week. I wish my life was a musical. (which hasn't been too far of a stretch lately with Officer Bob treating me to fabulous renditions of not-so-great song choices)

• High school friends make great company! Thanks to Kaiti, Nikki, Ericka, Mallory, and Liz for a fabulous housewarming party at Casa de Bob. I LOVE my pots and pans, festive halloween dish towels, and oh-so-cute mixing bowls.  However, I love my quality time spent with you even more. I only hope we can continue our sporadic get-togethers! Oh Yeah......T-shirt TIIIIIME.......Oh Yeah! (Btw Kelly, I will acknowledge your presence as you were there in spirit, but I am still fairly bitter that you are in Vegas winning millions of dollars and spending it on male strippers and cheap liquor. I live vicariously through you.)

The End.

Dog For Sale ----- REAL Cheap!

#1. Gilbert is an awful interior decorator.

I've replaced 5 sets of blinds since Tuesday.

Note to Officer Bob: Roll up the blinds before leaving for work.

#2. Houdini may have been reincarnated into a 100 lb sneaky, too smart for his own good, lab/retriever mix.

Looks like an average window, right?

WRONG.....

it is the excape route of the small horse we call Gilbert.

I come home from work expecting to be picking up another broken set of kitchen blinds (enter curse word) when I'm surprised to find Gilbert has disappeared. After further investigation, it was discovered that Gilbert is not exactly a magician. He left evidence of his escape.

No worries....he was found.

DAMN.

Casa de Bob

The house hunt is over.
The dotted line is signed.
Officer Bob has reluctantly agreed to a life of poverty.
It's official.

Big Boca Bob and Officer Bob are HOMEOWNERS!

As mentioned previously, CareBear saved the day with her GIANT canister of Home Defense. This picture is not photoshopped. These alien spiders took over when the sun went down, and I was afraid to enter/leave the house with these eight-legged, steroid-taking, poor excuse for a living creatures lurking outside both the front and back doors. Luckily, CareBear has even a greater hatred for the species and I followed her around the house as she drowned them in chemicals shouting, "DIE SPIDER DIE!" I'm sure the neighbors now believe there is a mentally unstable woman moving into the neighborhood. The sound of doors being locked at the surrounding houses made me realize I may have not made the best first impression.
Turns out painting must be quite the workout. Five minutes into it, Officer Bob looked down to see Gilbert on the floor in this position. What I didn't tell him was I was doing the same thing in the empty spare bedroom. We were both tuckered out.
Even Gilbert got in on the painting action. He was responsible for retrieving the rollers for us. Anything to keep him busy!
I made Officer Bob snap this photo just to prove that I was working too.
Once again.....the purple walls are not staying. As much as I enjoy most things associated with the color (grapes, violets, jam, lavender, etc.), I still despise that singing dinosaur that's been haunting my dreams since childhood. I refuse to have the color of Barney splattered on any wall in this house. Officer Bob is a paining professional. I believe he is regretting ever telling me that he used to be employed by a painting business. Since divulging this information, several decisions have been made regarding how much painting will be done in the house. The list consists of EVERY ceiling, EVERY wall, EVERY piece of trim, EVERYthing. Poor Officer Bob. Luckily, I have become his apprentice and am quite the fast learner.
The following task was completed during the cries and whines of The Llama shouting, "I can't believe I'm cleaning somebody else's s$#t!
Daisy Duke hard at work cleaning the kitchen cabinets. Her cleaning skills are second to none. Mr. Clean has some competition with this one. Come to think of it......ever thought of shaving that head, Daisy Duke?
KitchenDining Room
Family RoomIt is going to be a LONG road, but we are ready for the challenge. Please pray for us as we have decided to paint every ceiling, every wall, and every piece of trim. And by we.....I pretty much mean I decided and Officer Bob agreed. You will find that is how most decisions are made between us. A BIG thank you to Daisy Duke, The Llama, CareBear, and Titty Baby for their help during CASA MAKEOVER DAY 1. Daisy Duke led the troops with (as The Llama would say) her cleaning nazi skills. Also thanks to to The Llama for performing duties underneath the ranks of Daisy Duke and serving as a great babysitter for Gilbert. And a special thanks to CareBear for saving the day with Home Defense spray at about 11:00pm last night when the spiders took over the front yard. CASA MAKEOVER DAY 1 was a success.

There are many stories to tell, but little time. For now, you will just have to be content with the less-than-mediocre photography until God grants me another 12 hours in the day.

Living Room

The turqoise walls are NOT staying. If you plan on coming over before this room is finished, remember to bring your solar eclipse goggles to protect your eyes when looking at these walls.