#burritobeat2015 Days 39, 40, & 41

Day 39:  

Sergeant Bob and I got to revisit our wedding venue for a little afternoon date. A viewing of American Sniper from the theater balcony made for the perfect Mommy/Daddy outing. Added bonus - Grandma Dirt manages said movie theater. Can you say free popcorn? Sergeant Bob sure can.....two large popcorn bags of thanks to Grandma Dirt for free babysitting services!

Day 40:

Bobbie Burrito closet overhaul. We are officially wearing 9mo onesies now - mostly for width rather than height. Family genes are NOT in her favor. It's cute now.....I'm avoiding telling her that will wear off eventually.  Shout out to the Mrs. And CareBear for basically supplying Bobbie's entire wardrobe for her first year of life.

Day 41:

Supplies for winter swim lessons have been purchased. Bobbie Burrito cannot wait to splash her little heart out and though swimsuits this time of year are pretty slim pickings, we were able to ensure she will look mighty adorable in her pink tutu while she does it. Big Boca Bob on the other hand had different purchases to make to prepare for the dreaded day........

#burritobeat2015 Day 10

Family Christmas at Grandma Dirt's house! This photo captures the ridiculous bond between father and daughter. Grandma Dirt is well known for her unique gift giving abilities and Sergeant Bob and Bobbie Burrito counter act it with the gift of no shame. Don't be surprised if you see this goofy pair sporting these same outfits at the local grocery store some day soon. As always, we were truly blessed this holiday season with gifts galore, family fun, and love abounding.  

Fall Traditions

In case I haven't mentioned it before, I HEART FALL.

I heart the smell.
I heart the sound.
I heart the feel.
I heart the taste.

Fall is a sensory overload and I seriously can't get enough of it.

I believe my affinity for this specific season can be attributed to Mama Dirt and her sense of tradition. I was raised in a family that went apple picking every year the leaves began to change. We would watch football every Friday night, cook hot dogs over an open fire in the backyard, and engage in the sport of competitive pumpkin carving. I thank you, Mama Dirt, for making the time to let us breathe in the brisk fall air for I now get to share those experiences with new generations.

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend this year's apple picking trip with Huracan and his little bean burrito offspring, but the pictures I received via text message let me be a part of the action. It was reported that Beans was quite the determined little picker as she huffed and puffed and tugged at each apple within reach. Mama Dirt was forced to purchase more than a couple bushels as the stubborn Beans would just not quit. She will make a faithful employee someday. I love that girl to pieces.

This past weekend, CareBear, Titty Baby, Pebbles, Officer Bob, and I loaded up in the trusty blaze and made the trip to the orchard. The King and Niepoetter families completed our happy little caravan. We ventured out early Sunday morning. It would have been early Sunday morning had church not forced yours truly to hold up the trip. My tardiness was forgiven as there is obviously no competing with the Big Guy upstairs. In my absence from Pebbles lately, I have earned a new name. Her father has convinced Pebbles that I am "Brown Bear". Cute, huh? Yeah.....I didn't think so either. I guess there are worse things to which I could be compared. You know the saying - "Better to be a Brown Bear than a Titty Baby!"

Highlights from the trip include the following:

• Even at 8 months pregnant, CareBear is a fearless full of energy Mama.
• I love other people's kids (most of the time). The cuteness is overwhelming.
• Other people's kids are even cuter when they call me Mrs. Febuh.
• Pebbles is an independent woman who can not and will not be contained to being carried in single file lines. She needs to be given the freedom to fly on her own terms. Even if these terms mean riding on the footrest of a stroller in a very crowded orchard market.
• Officer Bob's friends are quietly funny. Just like him. It makes me happy.
• I don't like llamas. (Sorry Tina.) I just don't see the draw in these spitting smelly animals nor do I want to pay 25 cents to feed them tiny green pellets. Gross.
• I need to kick the habit of forgetting my camera when engaging in family traditions. These memories need to be captured.  
• Pumpkin picking is the perfect activity for an independent two year old ready to make grown up decisions like big pumpkin vs. wittle pumpkin. In case you were wondering, wittle pumpkin won.
• Titty Baby and I have the same sense of humor and we will always be funny. Always.

Officer Bob and I finished the weekend by watching football and drinking hot chocolate. Love.

"Autumn - the year's last, loveliest smile." - William Cullen Bryant

P.S. I am contemplating enrolling in PSLAA (Pumpkin Spice Latte Addicts Anonymous) Who's with me?

Hobby Turned Business(ish)

The excitement from the Saturday Night Fever wedding has finally subsided, and I quickly found that my passion for event planning could not go ignored. This could also be attributed to two things:

1. A consistent push from my mother-in-law to turn this hobby into a kinda sorta business venture.
2. Growing up in a house with Mama Dirt - the true professional DIY crafter

These two beautiful women in my life can be credited with giving me the courage to share my creative talents with the world.

HOW IT ALL STARTED...........
After a full tiring day of wedding planning for Daisy Duke's youngest, the fumes of hot glue and the empty bottles of wine lead to a discussion of making event planning more of a full-time biz. Daisy realized she could officially count the weddings of her children on MORE than one hand and Big Boca Bob confirmed that she too had plenty of experience in her several roles over the years including but not limited to invitation designer, interior decorator, pianist and lead vocalist in the wedding band, bridesmaid(s), caterer, baker, etc. At the time, we may not have appeared to be the most professional of event planners and the original name for the business was created - Hot Mess Wedding Planners, Inc. Since that evening, Daisy and Bob have evolved into much more than what the original name conveys. Together they hope to share their enthusiasm for custom event planning with you and help make your event both successful and truly memorable.

Fever Pitch Events has been born - we even have business cards. This is for realz.

Sergeant Bob and Grand Puba are not exactly thrilled about their wives going into business together as both men have already been recruited as volunteer employees. Little did they know that by saying "I Do", they signed a verbal contract to serve their wives upon request for all future business ventures. I guess you gentleman should have read the fine print.

It has been established that both Daisy Duke and I still need a little guidance in the whole money making part of owning a kinda sorta business, but we are still in the learning process.

PLEASE check out our website (blog) here and share with all your friends and family! We are already having so much fun with the creative themes our clients are bringing to us. Seriously - check out these adorable Alice In Wonderland Theme Invites we just completed for a first birthday party. It doesn't get any cuter.

 

 

The creative juices are flowing and there are no limits to the partnership of Daisy Duke and Big Boca Bob (and several other recruits).

Weddings, parties, and more - oh my!

Let the event planning fun begin! :)

Playing Catch Up

An update on the summer fun happenings at Casa de Bob:

I am a musical theatre nerd - a trait I inherited from my mother. After she enrolled me in tap dance lessons at the age of three, I have been obsessed with all things Bob Fosse and Broadway. Mama Dirt and I enjoyed a girls' day out at the Fox Theatre in St. Louis. I haven't had the opportunity of venturing to many theatres in my short life time, but I must say the Fox is hands down the most beautiful stage I have witnessed. Behold the beauty.  The pictures seriously don't even do it justice.

The day started with a stress free ride to the big city courtesy of Amtrak. We then headed to the famous Fox for a pre-show buffet complete with a dessert table. They were more than prepared for my arrival - the dessert buffet was stocked with churros. Ironic? I think not. We then headed to our mezzanine seats where Mama Dirt and I comfortably sat for almost three hours completely captivated by singing, dancing, and the Broadway nautical flair of "Anything Goes"

Our amateur review - Spectacular singing, impressive acting, and mediocre dancing (we are allowed to be a little critical after spending 20+ years at the Susan Basalay School of Dance) Overall rating? 4 stars - great experience with my favorite musical nerd buddy - my mama.

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Daisy Duke and yours truly are officially in business. I will expand on the state of our self-owned company in a later blog, but seeing as marketing is a must-have in the cut-throat business of event planning, I must make a plug. Please feel free to check out our website!

www.feverpitchevents.blogspot.com

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Once again, the brave Bob siblings and a few tagalongs attempted and successfully completed the Warrior Dash. A few bruised knees, a few scuffed shins, and a slightly jammed finger or two all lead to the following pictures. Man I love my family!

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Sergeant Bob and I have reserved a spot on the Bootleg Canyon ziplining tour during our Vegas vacation next month. I am 100% positive that I am more excited about this venture as I will be able to check another "first" off of my Summer 2013 bucket list. The countdown has started.
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STAY TUNED FOR MORE CASA DE BOB SUMMER FUN UPDATES!

Photos/Stories As Promised

Better Late Than Never!

Three Things

1. Getting married is like a 6 month constant party of fun.
2. My Matron and Maid of Honors are the best! :)
3. Mama Dirt rocks too.

Decorations for the bachelorette party were themed, raunchy, and abundant. No worries....I have refrained from posting MOST inappropriate pictures - and believe me when I say there were many.

 

Mama Dirt and Dancing Queen were in charge of fashion design for the evening, and I pulled off one heckuva rockstar bachelorette look thanks to their attention to detail and pristine sewing abilities.

 

Prior to dinner, I of course had to snack on a few appetizers. CareBear's words of wisdom - "they don't really taste like that."  



 

Unfortunately, I have absolutely no pictures from dinner although time spent at the restaurant far exceeded all other events of the night. Here's some highlights:

 

•  Cocktails were plentiful - delicious, flavored, multi-colored cocktails.
• Mama Dirt ordered the following item from the menu: “The Bastacolli” Sausage, meatballs, pepper and mushrooms in a rich marinara over penne pasta and baked with mozzarella and parmesan cheese. You eat it all and receive a Free Basta’s Tee Shirt!
•  Mama Dirt received an extra large take-home bucket of mostacolli and no tee shirt.
• Several talkative females surrounding a dinner table resulted in NO pause in conversation for a straight 2.5 hours.
• The waiter only spilled one bowl of pasta on the floor - pretty good when you consider the distraction of all the fine ladies surrounding him.

Following dinner, the ladies retreated to the party suite for a few phallic treats including but not limited to cake, cupcakes, popsicles, suckers, etc. Even Mama Gin got in on the action. (By the way....Mama Dirt must have had some rockin' party days because she can cook up some delightfully delicious jello shots with a special kick.)

 



 

Gifts followed dessert, and due to my family/friends incredibly inappropriate gift giving, I have no pictures for your viewing pleasure. What happened to the good 'ol days of lingerie gift giving? My family/friends instead chose to gift and RE-gift an entire collection of adult films featuring quite the diverse population of actors/actresses. The Llama should really spend more of her time molding the young minds of the girls she nannies and less time wasting money in the porn crane game at the local watering hole. 

Games Followed Gifts:

First on the list? Banana Ring Toss.

Despite this display of impeccable technique and form, I did not earn the title of Banana Ring Toss champion.

 

 Unfortunately for Liz, the hands-on-hip technique also did not result in victory.

 

 

I'm sure by now you have all noted the naked man in the background of the previous posted photos. Per tradition, the night included a rousing game of Pin the Junk on the Hunk.

 

A lack of blindfold resulted in Bob's Bachelorette Boa as a form of vision blocking. The Llama made a good move.

 

Mrs. E struggled slightly.

 

And Goldie walked away with the title. I think it was due to her "good luck" guide from behind.

 

Following games, the girls headed out for a little casino action. Monetary breakdown is as follows: Everyone lost money EXCEPT for the lucky mother of twins. She was lucky enough to survive delivery of two beautiful boys and her luck continued at the slots.

 

Following a depressing loss of finances, the girls headed back to a little relaxation and skin rejuvenation. It takes work to look this good.

 

A HUGE thanks to all those in attendance!

 

Only 13 more days until the real party starts!



M.A.M.A. D.I.R.T.

Though most definitions on Urban Dictionary are rude and crude, I would say the authors deserve a standing ovation for co-writing this birthday blog as they were S.P.O.T. O.N.

M.amacita
def: "the Spanish for "little mother". Rather like the English word "momma", mamacita can mean a mother of both the standard and the red hot kind."
ex: What a hottie! Que Mamacita!

A.buelita
def: "literally - Little Grandmother."
ex: My abuelita buys me awesome presents.

M.ature
def: "The ability to deal with a movie or painting in which nudity is shown (NOT porn) without laughing, feeling uncomfortable or making a dirty comment."
ex: Mama Dirt is NOT mature.

A.geless Wonder
def: "Someone who never reveals their age and never seems to celebrate a birthday. If somehow you happen upon this information and share it with others they’ll take it very offensively."
ex: Mama Dirt IS an ageless wonder.

D.ivine
def: "Angelic. Godlike. Heavenly. Divine is a caring girl with a big heart, but cross her path and you will not be forgiven easily.
ex: Ain't my mama divine?

I.ntense
def: "Like camping - or the circus! - also refers to something with a high level of intenseness."
ex: Being a mother to four annoying bratty adult children is intense.
R.adical
def: "A word used by people over the age of 30 in an attempt to sound cool, usually resulting in the opposite. Adj.- a description of an action or thing which is especially impressive."
ex: Mama Dirt is totally radical.

T.alented
def: "A woman with nice tits."
ex: My mom is more talented than your mom AND I inherited her genes.

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS, MAMA DIRT!

 

As Mamacita and Abuelita -

you are a talented, radical, intense, divine ageless wonder!

Thank you for continuing to care for your four bratty adult children.

It's A Sunshine Day

I think I'll go for a walk outside now

 (or later.....I ain't about to walk outside in this weather!)

the summer sun's callin my name

(in Australia....where it's actually summer)

(i hear ya now)

I just can't stay inside all day

I gotta get out. Get me some of those rays!

Everybody's smilin

 Sunshine Day

Everybody's Laughin

Sunshine Day

Everybody seems so happy today

It's a Sunshine Day!

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS, MAMA DIRT!

Mother Nature must think it's opposite day.

Through the cold and the rain,

I still believe your bringin' the sunshine!

Oh....and in case anyone was wondering:

Yes. That middle picture shows Mama Dirt participating in the current craze.

Planking.

In the middle of a busy college campus.

TOTALLY embarrassing her youngest son.

One Word.

Awesome.

We're Not Exactly What You Would Call "Huggers"

Day: Friday, April 1st 2011

Time: 12:30 p.m.

Setting: Mama Dirt's Hospital Room

Text Message Sent To Huracan Ramirez and El Aguila:
"Mom had surgery. They had to remove her gallbladder."

Actual Responses (via text message):

Huracan Ramirez: "Sweet Baby Jesus"

El Aguila: "Damn. Does she get to keep it in a jar? I wanted to name it."

For those of you who actually care more about her welfare than her very own sons, Mama Dirt is recovering from surgery well. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Reason #38 I Better Get More Than The Boys In The Will

I Blame Our Parents

After this past weekend, I have noticed a large disregard for public decency stemming from both the immediate and extended Casa de Bob family.

Now I will have you know that a single incident did not lead me to this conclusion. There has been somewhat of an ongoing trend that yields this observation.

Let's start with........

"EXHIBIT A"

Day: Saturday (a few weeks ago)

Time: 8:00 am

Place: Casa de Bob

Description of Incident: The dogs have recently been on a very consistent potty schedule. I will have to admit that one of the ONLY pros to Officer Bob working 2nd shift is that the boys are let out to do their business around 1:00am allowing me to sleep in till at least 7:00 before they need to be let out again. It is safe to say that Officer Bob isn't exactly a morning person. "Most" of the time, you will see me bright and early out in the yard with the boys encouraging them to finish their deed (aka screaming, yelling, and doing everything but squeezing the crap out of them because it is too damn cold). I would also like to take this time to announce Reggie's new title as "Turd Burglar" The poor dog finds pleasure in taking a dump and hiding the evidence (in his mouth) GROSS! Any tips on ridding this problem are appreciated. BUT back to the topic at hand. The boys are still unable to distinguish the difference between the weekdays and the weekends. Keep in mind that my weekends are the ONLY time I get to sleep in. So.....when the dogs wake up early, I don't. I either A. consciously ignore the tugs at the bedspread, pretend I am asleep, and wait for Officer Bob to respond to their needs or B. fall so deeply into a stage of sleep that I am completely unresponsive.  On this particular day, I chose A. and Officer Bob was forced from his slumber to let the boys out. Now.....wouldn't you believe it, but as he was walking the dogs to the backdoor, my bladder called out to me, and I arose from my "fake sleep" to relieve it. After taking care of my own needs, I meandered to the back door to see how the boys were doing. When what to my wandering eyes should appear?

But a grown man in his underwear,
standing in the snow,
wearing my pink boots,
untangling Gilbert's chain from a tree.

I shook my head in embarrassment, but chose not to respond to my freakishly pale boyfriend's poor decision.

"EXHIBIT B"

 Day: Every December 25th since the day I was born

Time: Somewhere between 6:00 and 10:00am (depending on how long it takes us to wake up Osama Bin Father on Christmas morning)

Place: Mama Dirt and Osama Bin Father's

Description of Incident(s): Every Christmas, it is a Mama Dirt tradition for each child to pose with gifts from their stocking. Not just any gift........the underwear. And not just any pose.......the underwear on the head. I have 20 years of Christmas memories depicted through a variety of colors and definitely sizes of undergarments positioned appropriately over my dome. I will have to note that Officer Bob took to this tradition like Lindsay Lohan to rehab. It has become second nature, and he no longer even needs a reminder. I fear that these pictures will somehow surface at the most inopportune time, but for now they are hidden away in the dark depths of the Mama Dirt garage.

"EXHIBIT C"

Day: December 25th, 2010

Time: Approximately 10:00 am

Place: Casa de Daisy Duke and Grand Puba

Description of Incident: Officer Bob and I had prepared for the Christmas day festivities and headed over to Daisy Duke and Grand Puba's for our first family Christmas. However, upon entering the household, there seemed to be something quite peculiar about the the festive tree and stockings. It seemed as though the snowman decoration located near the stockings was wearing an extra garment. A garment children rarely add when decorating Frosty. This snowman was wearing a bra. A very cute bra, indeed. Apparently, Daisy Duke had requested this cute bra from Santa this year, and he rewarded her because she has proven to be such a good girl during the course of 2010. However, Daisy Duke's new gift would not fit in her stocking like planned so it was positioned over the snowman's lack of female anatomy.

"EXHIBIT D"

Day: December 25th, 2010

Time: Approximately 2:30 pm

Place: Mama Dirt and Osama Bin Father's humble abode

Description of Incident: After Officer Bob and I's somewhat late arrival (imagine that....haha) in E-wood, the stockings and presents were opened, Christmas hugs were given, and it was time for the Big Boca Bob side of the family to head to Grandma and Grandpa's for Christmas dinner. Make note of the time. Huracan, El Aguila, and Dancing Queen had still not changed clothes, brushed teeth, or combed hair. During the transition of yesterday's outfit to the Christmas day outfit, El Aguila was stepping into his very festive new boxers when these words were uttered from the mouth of Mama Dirt. "I dare you to run around outside in your underwear" Without skipping a beat, El Aguila replied "With no shoes or socks?". To which Mama Dirt replied, "Yes." Not but two seconds later, El Aguila was out the door wearing nothing but his Christmas skivvies. Fortunately for us, El Aguila's Mexican genes have created a somewhat "browner" complexion than that of Officer Bob and we did not go blind from the reflection off the snow. However, unfortunately for El Aguila, both Huracan and Officer Bob were positioned around the house preventing El Aguila from returning to the warmth of the less embarrassing indoors. The neighbors enjoyed the show as three grown men, one less clothed than the others, ran around the yard as the one less clothed screamed in pain from the cold. Officer Bob and Huracan relented when the cars passing by started to honk.

When friends begin to question my actions, please take note of this post. It is not my fault I am the way I am. I was bred this way. The genes have been passed down, and frankly, I can do nothing but embrace my genetic code. Unfortunately, Officer Bob has also received the embarrassing genome, and we have now found each other. It is possible for codes to skip a generation, but I fear that my children someday are royally screwed. I apologize in advance to my unborn children.

Did You Realize, Mama Dirt?...........

That you are another year older?

(By the way.....thanks for making it another year because my Sunday evening would not have been the same without my fried chicken dinner!)

Did you realize that by turning ??, you are officially older than all of the following items?

• Alaska - the state
• Barbie - the doll
• Flinstones - the cartoon
• Revolution - the Cuban

Did you realize that during your lifetime you have had the pleasure of giving birth to and raising these four stunning beauties? (okay...maybe just three stunning beauties and one ridiculous boy-man)

Did you realize that during your lifetime, the following events have occured?

• US President John F Kennedy Shot
• Vietnam War
• First Human Heart Transplant
• First Man Walked on the Moon
• Y2K
• The Falling of the World Trade Center
• The Invention and Popularization of the Computer (which I know is still a struggle)
• The Invention and Popularization of the Debit Card (which I know is an even bigger struggle)
•  AND MANY MANY MANY (get the hint?) MORE!

Did you realize that you are a great provider for your family with both an emotional and physical strength that I can only hope I inherited?

Feliz Cumpleanos, Mama Dirt!
(a little late, but heartfelt nonetheless)

A Family of........Four?!

Okay......so I would first like to report that I am alive.

This was questionable on Saturday at approximately 8:30 a.m. when I was ready to throw myself in Lake Michigan rather than take another step towards the never ending finish line of the 2010 Men's Health Urbanathlon. However.....I opted to surge forward only because my junior high love, Albert Clifford Slater (reference Saved by the Bell) was waiting to take me into his arms at the finish line. Details regarding the race from hell will be given at a later date for both the sanity of Big Boca Bob and you, the reader. I need to recover before posting five minutes of curse words.

On a completely different note, I would also like to report that I officially lost the battle.

Let me introduce you to 5lbs of cuteness packed into an adorable little fluffy four-legged creature.........

The 6-week old fourth member of the Casa de Bob family.........

REGGIE WHITE

Officer Bob and I rescued baby Reggie Sunday morning, and he has most definitely made his presence known in the Casa de Bob household.  Unfortunately, prior to his rescue, little Reggie was not well cared for. He was in immediate need of a bath upon arrival at his new home, and his big brother Gilbert offered to help.

The welcoming committee even came all the way from E-wood to spend some quality time with the pup. A BIG THANKS to Mama Dirt, El Aguila, and Dancing Queen for making the trek to visit with us.

Gilbert, of course, needed some love as well. Trust me....he HAS NOT been deprived of attention since baby Reggie arrived. Has has made sure of that!

Special Note #1: Mama Dirt is not bowing her head in disgust of her two youngest children (not saying that it hasn't happened before) She absolutely REFUSES to have her picture taken. After multiple attempts, this is the best I could do.

Special Note #2: No worries. I have already addressed the issue of my brother's unwillingness to shave. He believes the "hairy" look is necessary for a yet-to-be-mentioned Halloween costume. However, I believe he is only contributing to the dirty Mexican stereotype. Unfortunately, I am told that Halloween is followed by "No-Shave November" and his condition will only get worse before it is remedied.

After the oohs and awws over the new addition to the family, we all settled down for movie/homework/fantasy football updates time. Mama Dirt taught us to multi-task, and we have become quite efficient at it thanks to the discovery of the world wide web.

Special Note #3: Photos like this are what make my family so "special" Five dollars to the individual who comes up with the best caption for the ridiculousness that is occurring above.

Gilbert is a natural in the role of big brother. He does not take his new responsibilities lightly, and he is very adamant about showing Reggie the ropes. He even shared a piece of his rawhide with his bro. It doesn't take much to make these two happy. They get that from their father.

However, we knew the first-day excitement would only last so long. This may be due to the fact that Reggie has discovered his new brother's tail!

Gilbert is such a sweet big bro and lets him play for a bit before finally showing him who's boss.

I think it's safe to say that Reggie has already learned his place in Casa de Bob. We all play by Gilbert's rules.

Those of you who were special enough last year to receive the infamous Green Bay Packer Christmas Card are in for a real treat this year! I'm already working on outfits for Reggie and Gilbert. Officer Bob is not looking forward to the photo shoot.

Sunday's excitement ALMOST made me forget about my inability to move due to soreness. That was until Reggie took his first crap on the carpet and I cursed him for not only using my red carpet as a restroom facility but also forcing me to squat down and clean it up. My cries for sympathy from Officer Bob were unsuccessful. Big surprise there! Little does he know next year he's competing with me!