#burritobeat2015 Day 14

Feliz Cumpleanos Tio Titty Baby!

 Bobbie Burrito - Top 5 Things You Should Know About Your Uncle:

Between his facial hair and attire, some might label him a lumbersexual.

Besides Daddy and Grand Puba, Tio TB will be your emergency phone call for literally everything.

He can out drink your mom. On your 21st birthday,  if you ask us nicely, we will prove it.

The amount of hair on his back could be used to knit sweaters for the entire population of underprivileged children residing in Chicago.

He has already granted you a small portion of his big fun-loving heart and you should treasure your place there forever. It's a pretty special heart.

The Wait Is Over

Actually, the wait was over last Thursday at exactly 12:34pm.

I have to keep my readers in suspense to make sure you are all still reading this silly thing. Most of you probably caught up with the news thanks to Aunt Mrs. over at One Carbon Hill (the punctual Aunt), but we  can always use a good dose of adorable baby photos. 

Introducing 8lbs 9oz and 20.25" of cuteness - Cayden Edwin Pokarney.

There are few things in life I know for certain, but I am confident in proclaiming the following facts.

• Big Sister Pebbles was made for her role as mentor and protector of this little guy.

• Mama CareBear and Daddy Titty Baby absolutely love when Aunt Llama and Aunt Big Boca Bob spend approximately 8 hours entertaining each other in the hospital room. We are the funniest people we know and we are not shy in sharing that message.
• This family of four shares a love that can match no other. When Officer Bob and I decide to start a family of our own, they will serve as inspiration for the true meaning of the word. I am grateful for the opportunity to sit back and watch them grow in their own happiness. Thank you for letting me be a tiny part of your magical world.

Fall Traditions

In case I haven't mentioned it before, I HEART FALL.

I heart the smell.
I heart the sound.
I heart the feel.
I heart the taste.

Fall is a sensory overload and I seriously can't get enough of it.

I believe my affinity for this specific season can be attributed to Mama Dirt and her sense of tradition. I was raised in a family that went apple picking every year the leaves began to change. We would watch football every Friday night, cook hot dogs over an open fire in the backyard, and engage in the sport of competitive pumpkin carving. I thank you, Mama Dirt, for making the time to let us breathe in the brisk fall air for I now get to share those experiences with new generations.

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend this year's apple picking trip with Huracan and his little bean burrito offspring, but the pictures I received via text message let me be a part of the action. It was reported that Beans was quite the determined little picker as she huffed and puffed and tugged at each apple within reach. Mama Dirt was forced to purchase more than a couple bushels as the stubborn Beans would just not quit. She will make a faithful employee someday. I love that girl to pieces.

This past weekend, CareBear, Titty Baby, Pebbles, Officer Bob, and I loaded up in the trusty blaze and made the trip to the orchard. The King and Niepoetter families completed our happy little caravan. We ventured out early Sunday morning. It would have been early Sunday morning had church not forced yours truly to hold up the trip. My tardiness was forgiven as there is obviously no competing with the Big Guy upstairs. In my absence from Pebbles lately, I have earned a new name. Her father has convinced Pebbles that I am "Brown Bear". Cute, huh? Yeah.....I didn't think so either. I guess there are worse things to which I could be compared. You know the saying - "Better to be a Brown Bear than a Titty Baby!"

Highlights from the trip include the following:

• Even at 8 months pregnant, CareBear is a fearless full of energy Mama.
• I love other people's kids (most of the time). The cuteness is overwhelming.
• Other people's kids are even cuter when they call me Mrs. Febuh.
• Pebbles is an independent woman who can not and will not be contained to being carried in single file lines. She needs to be given the freedom to fly on her own terms. Even if these terms mean riding on the footrest of a stroller in a very crowded orchard market.
• Officer Bob's friends are quietly funny. Just like him. It makes me happy.
• I don't like llamas. (Sorry Tina.) I just don't see the draw in these spitting smelly animals nor do I want to pay 25 cents to feed them tiny green pellets. Gross.
• I need to kick the habit of forgetting my camera when engaging in family traditions. These memories need to be captured.  
• Pumpkin picking is the perfect activity for an independent two year old ready to make grown up decisions like big pumpkin vs. wittle pumpkin. In case you were wondering, wittle pumpkin won.
• Titty Baby and I have the same sense of humor and we will always be funny. Always.

Officer Bob and I finished the weekend by watching football and drinking hot chocolate. Love.

"Autumn - the year's last, loveliest smile." - William Cullen Bryant

P.S. I am contemplating enrolling in PSLAA (Pumpkin Spice Latte Addicts Anonymous) Who's with me?

BREAKING NEWS!

If your summer is anything comparable to the happenings at Casa de Bob, I'm sure you can sympathize with my lack of blogging time. The days get busier, but the excitement keeps building.

And that my friends is what leads me to this post..............

I am currently interrupting your summer fun to bring you this SUPER BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. Pebbles and her adorable little piggy tails have some news to share:

No - your vision is not failing you. Pebbles can hold her excitement no more. This only child expires November of 2013 and I know SEVERAL family members who are anxiously awaiting Baby Gremlin's arrival. Titty Baby once again gave himself the task of creating the in utero name for his offspring and he has settled on the title Gremlin. I think I can see the Titty Baby resemblance! :)

 

 

Unfortunately, I am already failing as an aunt in the realm of Gremlin blog time. His older sister will start to rub it in his face if I don't make up for lost time by incorporating the kilbasa bearing child into more written word. That and the consistent pressure from his mother has got me pecking away at the keyboard once again.

I am making a vow to Gremlin here and now as witnessed by blog readers both near and far. I solemnly swear to post AT LEAST once a week for the remainder of the summer in an effort to allow the unborn hairball to build as much fame as his older sister. It won't be easy. Some posts may fail to impress, but I WILL do it. Are you happy now, CareBear?!

"Gremlin Gab" has been initiated. Follow-ups can and will be expected.

Happy Summer Bloggers!

Dear Titty Baby and CareBear,

This past weekend made me realize that

 I love you.

Not in a creepy "I want to have your babies" kind of way, but more in a "I totally respect you and admire you" kind of way.

Titty Baby -

I'm not sure I have ever met a man as hard working as you. You are a proud husband and father who is determined to provide the best life possible for your wife and daughter. I can't begin to imagine the blood, sweat, and possibly tears that you have poured into renovating your humble abode over the past few months, but do know that this slightly overweight brown girl is TOTALLY IMPRESSED. You have made that house a home and you should give yourself one helluva pat on the back.

Care Bear -

Life is full of crazy twists and turns (especially since you decided to marry a man who would sell his mother for a perky profit), but you just go along for the ride. I am amazed at your poise and positive attitude. Sure - there are tears and yelling (some days more than others), but you hold your head high and keep routine for that adorable little girl I call my niece. Sacrifices are made and hours are spent questioning life decisions, but you should be very proud of the home you have put together and the family you are raising. Most of all, I applaud you for maintaining your sense of humor through it all. (i.e. skipping through a Kohl's parking lot at 1:00am with your soon to be Mexican sista)

And to you both -

This weekend was proof to me that I am not the only one who sees all of these amazing qualities. You have surrounded yourself with this incredible support system of family and friends that creep out of the woodwork when duty calls. We may be a little dysfunctional as a group - OK....ALOT dysfunctional - but that diverse crazy crew you call "friends" is a total reflection of the two of you. Thank you for proving to me that love, loyalty, and hard work truly does pay off. You have to get your hands dirty to be successful, but the payout is truly rewarding.

I love your loyalty.
I love your dedication to family.
I love my little(ish) Pebbles.
I love Officer Bob for allowing me to become a part of your lives.
And I. Love. You.


P.S. Titty Baby - this sentimental attitude is most likely going to be short lived. Please don't go thinking I actually like you or anything. Tomorrow I will go back to repeatedly making fun of your cracka ass like its my j-o-b.

Camera Found

FUN PHOTOS AS PROMISED.........

Pre-race Face

We're going to a race.

We're gonna win first place.

You have an ugly face!

Prior to listening to Dancing Queen complain

about her digestive system for 30 minutes

Running is fun!

And even more fun when you're running with Dancing Queen!

Easiest obstacle of the race?

The Gollywhopper!

Bad thing about going down

is somehow you have to get back up.

 I love meeting people at races.

This bride was getting married the same afternoon as the race.

I'm not so sure I'll be able to sway my bridal party

into an hour of torture on the morning of my wedding.

Post-race,

We survived.

And Dancing Queen found a restroom.

After a quick shower, it was off to wedding festivities.

And although Devin looked beautiful on her wedding day,

I believe this little girl may have stolen the show.

I seriously cannot get enough of Pebbles.

It's a sick obsession.

Sweetest moment of the evening?

Watching this adorable family of three share a dance.

CHECK BACK AFTER THIS WEEKEND

as I'm sure the photos will be much funnier and muddier.

Huracan, Dancing Queen, Big Boca Bob, and Shawnee

GUERREROS!

Cultural Diversity Education

It has come to my attention in discussing Hispanic traditions during wedding planning that Officer Bob is in dire need of some cultural diversity education.

(All the Spanish he knows, he learned from Dora the Explorer - seriously.)

An impromptu lesson took place in a recent car ride.

Lesson 1: Translate Lyrics from Traditional Mexican Music



Remind me next time that Titty Baby is NOT invited to educational sessions.

His translation is slightly skewed and slightly racist.

In other words, I don't approve of the influence Officer Bob's brother-in-law has on his perception of the Mexican culture.

Stay Tuned for Lesson 2: How to Harvest Jalepenos.

P.S. That is not poor audio quality in the video. It is the embarrassing sound of Officer Bob's "system." This is what I put up with on a daily basis. Anyone looking for an obnoxiously loud speaker system, feel free to let me know. Officer Bob could not place blame on his innocent fiance as long as we can make it's disappearance look like an accident.

True Life: I'm a Titty Baby

On this episode of True Life you'll meet a small town man struggling to fit in a society that denies to accept his role as the moderately defected Titty Baby.

A Father:

A Loving Husband:

A Son to Occasionally Proud Parents:

A Brother and Sophisticated Uncle:

A Genuine, Caring Family Man:
















BUT a man with secrets........
Deep, dark secrets.............
A Titty Baby revealed.
THIS is his story:

A Gleetard:


A Man Who Develops Secretly CLOSE Relationships With Friends:

 
Unspeakable and Shameful Relationships:

A Bubbles In Training:

A Poor Representative of American Society in Foreign Countries:

A Low Budget Weekend Stripper - emphasis on the low budget:

Unfortunate Member of a "New Kids on the Block" Tribute Band titled

"Old Farts in the Alley":

The Next Monica Lewinski in Male Form:

==============================================================

Just your average Titty Baby trying to make it in a senseless world:

Airing January 14th

True Life: I'm a Titty Baby

 =================================================================

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS, ESE!



Gunther Gab: Happy Birthday, Pebbles!!

She´s your brand new little daughter,

so enchanted, sweet and smart.

With a coo, she´ll have you smiling

With a laugh, she´ll own your heart.

It´s the time for hugs and kisses,

Reassurance when she cries.

It´s the time for making moments

Full of love and Lullabies.

For these golden days of childhood

come and go so very fast -

Hold her tight and love her dearly.

Make these precious moments last.

CareBear and Titty Baby welcomed their beautiful daughter on September 22, 2011 at 8:30am. Pebbles weighed in at 7lbs 9oz and measures 19 1/2 inches in length. It is quite possible that she may be the sweetest little baby born into this world - and to Titty Baby nonetheless. Sometimes, I just don't question the works of our Father, I just bask in his glory. And what a glorious gift to these proud parents.

Other than some slight nausea from the father and an extra large noggin pushin' on her mama's pelvis, I received word that the delivery went pretty smoothly. Both mother and baby are happy and healthy, and the new daddy has transitioned into his role with confidence. It has been confirmed that his role of recording bowel movements is taken very seriously. Just remember:

Officer Bob and I made the trip to the hospital as I anxiously waited my turn to love on the sweet little girl. The drive with Officer Bob was spent discussing proper technique of holding his new niece. His exact words were, and I quote "Nobody is making me hold her. I am not picking her up until she is three!"

I am sure you can all guess how that one turned out.............

It didn't take long for her uncle to fall under her spell, and he did so well with her. He is completely wrapped around her finger, and already talking about future birthday gifts. Her birth certificate should have read S-P-O-I-L-E-D.

Although there is no photographic proof, trust me when I say that I took full advantage of my snuggle time with Pebbles. Though I may not be her aunt yet, I am TOTALLY smitten by such a precious being, and I have no doubt that I will be making several visits to see her during the coming weeks. I just can't get enough Pebbles time!!

We left just as Pebbles was receiving her very first manicure! Thank heaven for little girls, right CareBear?!

Stay tuned for future updates on this beautiful family of three as we watch Pebbles develop her own unique personality and grow into a beautiful young girl.

P.S. No worries, Mama Dirt. The 8ft inflatable light-up stork made yet another appearance. Casa de Pebbles does not go unnoticed!

Feliz Cumpleanos, Beautiful Pebbles!

Your Uncle and Kinda-Sorta Aunt are so happy you have FINALLY made your appearance!

Let the spoiling begin!!!

Gunther Gab: Showered With Love

After this past weekend, I think it is safe to say that Baby Pebbles is TRULY loved.

Mama-To-Be CareBear and Baby Pebbles had quite the partay on Sunday, and the amount of love for this child consumed the room. Approximately 50 friends and family brought smiles, laughter, love, and loads of gifts for the precious baby-to-be. AND I even wore a dress with heels for an entire 5 hours with minimal complaints! Talk about a good day!

I apologize in advance for the lack of photography. I was WAY too busy socializing, scooping ice cream, and watching gift-opening to worry about a camera!

A BIG thanks to Mama Dirt, Daisy Duke, The Llama, and Dancing Queen for their decorating skillz. Who knew a Masonic Lodge could be glittered with sugar and spice and everything nice. I think the amount of pink in this room would have made Barbie's Dream House look like the rut hut.

The day started out with introductions from a room full of chatty women. It was impressive to see the number of people that will be welcoming this baby into the world. I just hope Baby Pebbles will someday understand how many friends and family have been anxiously awaiting her arrival.

During introductions, the sound of ice cubes could be heard rattling in the kitchen, as the Mrs. was preparing for her first game.  And this is where I insert a plug for the creativity of the Mrs. If you or anyone you know is getting married, having a baby, or having a fiesta for any other milestone in life for which party games are needed, this is your go-to-gal!!

Game #1: My Water Broke! - Each participant received an ice cube with a tiny baby inside. The first person to free their baby from the frozen capsule, and shout "My Water Broke!" would be the winner. Prior to the game starting, as the Mrs. and I were frantically tossing glaciated babies into plastic cups laughing at the ridiculousness of the scenario, we were discussing methods participants might use and the potential length of time this task might take. I confidently stated that Mama Dirt can be quite the competitive player. Not 2 minutes later, I witness Mama Dirt gnawing on a plastic baby while simultaneously shouting the catchphrase. At the same time, one of the younger guests was smashing her baby with a chair leg. What are we trying to teach here, Mrs?! Nothing better than corrupting the future motherhood of such a young lass.

Game #2: Each gift seen below had a baby-related item that started with the specific letter located inside. Guests could feel each bag to guess the item. (PS - This poor child will never actually be called her given name as her in-utero name of Pebbles seems to have already stuck. This can be blamed on your parents, Baby Pebbles, for they are the ones holding your birth name hostage until your arrival.)

Game #3: Prior to the fiesta, the Mrs. made a phone call to her younger and oh-so-naive brother to ask him for responses to baby-related trivia questions. Poor Titty Baby did not know what he was getting himself into as his responses would then be told to a room full of the smarter gender.  The goal of the game was for CareBear to match Titty Baby's answers to 20 questions. Poor CareBear was asked to actually think like Titty Baby. I fear anything and everything that goes on in that man's mind and would deny the request to enter such a dangerous world. However, CareBear rose to the challenge, but struggled along the way. Many answers weren't too far off, but it was the occasional offbeat answer that threw the room full of women into a whirlwind of laughter. A few homework assignments for the Dad-To-Be: #1 - google definition of swaddle, #2 - poll friends of mothers to embrace realization that a child will go through MORE than 6 diapers a day, #3 - visit a local hospital to witness a newborn child with the umbilical cord still attached and observe for more than three hours without gagging.

AFTER the games, came the food! And thanks to Daisy Duke and CareBear's best friend, Erin, what a fabulous spread it was! You would not believe the number of toppings for ice cream sundaes that could be displayed to satisfy the hunger of 50+ women. Nuts, candies, sauces, etc. filled each guest's bowl and they were topped off with what else but whipped cream and a cherry. The sundae bar was a great hit! Erin was responsible for the punch and water for rehydration following such taxing games. I am 100% positive that all guests left the fiesta with bellies and hearts full!

AND THEN........PRESENT TIME! I have honestly never seen so many pink-wrapped, pink-bowed, pink-glittered gifts in my life. Now I am only 25 years old so it's not exactly the longest life to speak of, BUT I'm not so sure I will even witness such a sight in my next 25 years of life. After an hour of unwrapping, I could see the fatigue start to settle in CareBear's eyes. I'm not so sure who was more emotional, CareBear or the Mrs. The eyes were swelling and tears were about to flow on a couple different occasions as presents were unwrapped. Now I understand that CareBear was more than happy to see all the women closest to her share in her excitement for her and her future motherhood, but I'm not so sure she would have been able to untie even one more bow. There is absolutely no fear that Baby Pebbles will ever have to go without incredibly adorable clothing.

Thanks to ALL that attended, and to ALL that made the shower a success. CareBear is READY TO POP and we are all anxiously awaiting the arrival of a precious, not-so-little, big-footed princess.

Summer Fun and Work Stress is NOT Conducive to Creative Blogging

Wow. Two weeks?

Has it really been two weeks since my last post?

I apologize to all the ADORING fans (*ahem* people who read this blog to feel better about their own lives) for the total lack in blog posts. The title of this post pretty much sums it up. I am totally taking advantage of the fact that Officer Bob is temporarily working day shift with every other weekend off by spending every waking moment I can with him - which he totally hates by the way (and I love completely annoying him with pointless stories just because he is home.....and he has no choice but to sit and listen.) I am also working some odd hours at the J.O.B. trying to cram in as much educational opportunity as possible (because the boss says I have to......obviously)

All in all......blogging has not been my most recent Numero Uno priority.

However.......I. Am. Back.

Holla!

Here's what you missed.......

• It pays to know extremely strong, good-looking, studly men to call when completing home projects such as fence-building...BUT in the off-chance that "those men" are not readily available, it also pays to know these guys.

 A HUGE, GINORMOUS, MEXICAN THANKS to Titty Baby, Rink, and Drewbug for taking time away from their busy lives to help construct an incredibly stable and awesome fence in record time. Even though I ended up with more concrete in my hair than in the ground.

 On a positive note, it did serve as a hairspray replacement for the following week.

I owe you boys big time, and I promise I will repay the debt if you ever need any landscaping done yourselves. I was born a professional, ya know.

• Reggie has now destroyed TWO, count 'em 1-2, couches at my house. After daily plea to rid our house of the demon dog, I have finally given up. I will now refer to him as Officer Bob's dog and refuse to throw down any scraps of dinner in his presence. When ya have a tummy full of couch stuffing, I hardly think you need table scraps to wash it down. Obedience training has been written into next year's budget.......correction: Obedience training has been written into Officer Bob's budget. I will be purchasing extra shoes and purses to mourn the loss of my most favoritest couch.

• Working with adults diagnosed with dementia proves to be a daily challenge. A challenge I continue to meet head-on. I pray for patience, compassion, and strength in my abilities to assist with such a terrifying disease.

• I recently took my car to my new favorite auto mechanic for a quick tune-up/oil change and was more than elated with the outcome. Not for the car.....but for my personal quest towards future life events. Officer Bob was less than amused that the attendant combined my first name with his last name on the final receipt, and I failed to correct the poor employee. I, however, found it to be hilarious, highlighted the mistake, and posted it in it's permanent position on the refrigerator. I can dream, can't I?

• I miss my siblings. I realize we are all maturing into fine young adults, but would it kill you chicanos to call a sista?! I put alot of thought into your personalized ringtones, and I would appreciate you making good use of them.

• In case I haven't mentioned it before, MY boyfriend is better than yours. His days off are spent mowing lawn(s), doing dishes, washing, drying, and folding laundry, googling recipes and making culinary masterpieces for dinner, and listening to my crying voice repeatedly state how "bleeping stressed out" I am. Kudos to you for putting up with me, boyfriend. I heart you.

• Mama Dirt is one amazing tower of strength. I envy her and her scooter (flat tire and all) for her courageous efforts in allowing our family to survive. If there is but one thing I can inherit from her, I truly hope it is her will to survive. I am proud of you, Mama. Know that even if we don't say it often, your children are truly thankful for the efforts you've made to ensure we are healthy, happy, and driven for life success.

• Beans Blab - no new update. Baby is maturing well, I hope. (Refer to previous mention of my siblings not calling me......I NEED a jingle, Huracan!)

• Gunther Gab - Baby Gunther/Pebbles is a fiery little jumping bean and mama CareBear is cuter than ever. Thanks to the crew of soon-to-be Aunts and Grandmas, the baby shower invites have been cut, glued, and tied with bows. Favors are almost done and cupcakes have been taste tested. All duties have been designated, and now we just wait for the fun to be had.

• I am going to win the lottery.

• So I can buy my Harley.

• And a side car for Officer Bob.

Next blog will not be a two week wait. Pinky swear.