#burritobeat2015 Day 3

 Last minute Christmas shopping with Tio Aguila. Yes - all the cool kids celebrate Christmas in January. He thinks he is smarter than Big Boca Bob as he spends his days literally studying his life away at med school. Our little secret? - he really is smarter than me. However, I am obviously better looking. Is he serious with that beard?

Lunch date with the girls. It is my hope that Bobbie Burrito builds a bond with a group of amazingly strong and compassionate women just as I have been blessed to do so. Women who are there to share kind words, advice, lots of laughs, and lots and lots and lots of wine.

Doctor Dumpster Boy

This past Saturday this guy celebrated his 23rd birthday.

 

This coming Saturday this guy will be moving many miles away from the place he has called home for the last 23 years.

In just a couple weeks, this guy will be inducted into med school with a fancy pants White Coat Ceremony.

But let me remind you that 20 years ago, this guy was my little shadow, my partner in crime, my bestest little brotha. I truly hope that never changes.
This is the guy I remember.

 

My faithful readers have witness the chronicles of El Aguila's journey from boy to man over the last few years, but one would say that his true journey has just begun.

From dumpster boy to doctor. Miracles do happen.

 "Thumbs Up" for a successful transition into your newest adventure, buddy.

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS, EL AGUILA!

P.S. Please don't forget about us little people.

One Man Wolf Pack

El Aguila is officially a college graduate, and I am one proud hermana.

*B.S. in Biology

*Magna Cum Laude

*And arguably the most imporant accomplishment to note?
officially a ONE MAN WOLF PACK

Thanks to his siblings, El Aguila was gifted the following for surviving four grueling years of higher education.

I'm known for my slightly inappropriate gift giving abilities, and seeing as how Dancing Queen received ink upon her completion from high school, I saw it only fit for us to offer El Aguila the same opportunity. Knowing full well that he would not be interested in matching sister tattoos, I tapped into his psyche to find the next best thing.

 

El Aguila has a ridiculous and sometimes awkard addiction to the canus iupus species......otherwise known as wolves. Its weird. I'm not quite sure I understand the connection, and I will forewarn other inquisitive minds to not ask El Aguila for specific reasoning behind this affinity for the answer only leads to more questions. However, in my quest for the justification behind the Aguila - Wolf correlation, I have learned many interesting facts about these creatures including but not limited to the science of the "pack" and monogamous mating habits. If life's journey ever leads me to a seat across from Ms. Viera on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, I can assure you this man will be my "phone-a-friend" should a question regarding this species arise?

 

But I digress........

 

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend the official branding of my brother so I sent along Sergeant Bob for photography purposes. Keep in mind there is no man more afraid of needles than my poor husband, and I'm equally as upset that I missed the chance to see him witness several tiny needles puncturing human flesh. I'm sure the facial expressions were quite dramatic.

It was reported by both Sergeant Bob and Dancing Queen that El Aguila tolerated the pain with poise and only flinched a time or two during the hour long process.

Thank you, Sergeant Bob, for also making sure to photograph the extent of my brother's obsession. Sergeant Bob's detective skills led him to discover the secret stash of wolf t-shirts not so hidden in El Aguila's car. Apparently trying to decide on your wolf attire after receiving your very first wolf tattoo is one heckuva difficult decision and one that El Aguila struggled with until the very last minute. He had to bring several options for such an occasion. Dedication will get you places, mi hermano.

The road has not ended for the one man wolf pack. In fact, I am quite certain that his journey is just about to begin. Medical school will start in the fall at which time he will be buried in books and academia - way too intellectual to hang out with us less educated folk. I'm ok with it as long as a lifetime supply of free health care and/or medical advice are included in the familial contract.

My Dearest Brother,

I once read that in the medical field you will call upon your decision-making skills frequently. You will make "good decisions, bad decisions, decisions that will occupy a moral grey space in between, and even decisions to not make a decision and merely wait until circumstance makes a decision for you."

I am not going to condescendingly lecture you on life as an adult. You have already been making adult decisions for several years, and I have faith in those choices - past, present, and future.

Congratulations, mi hermano. For once - I have no advice to give as you are embarking on a journey that I have never ventured. Pave your own way and I wish you nothing but success, Future Dr. Aguila.

Te amo,
Your Very Proud Older Sister

From a Miss to a Mrs.

I promise the transformation to wife hasn't killed me........yet.

I have been on one heckuva rollercoaster ride the past few weeks, and I am still trying to play a little catch up. I had initially planned to give myself some time to recover from the excitement of wedded bliss to write a very thorough and detailed description of The Bob's debut as Mr. and Mrs. However, I quickly learned that I should have taken notes. As I attempt to write a spectacular wedding blog full of pictures and special moments from the perspective of the bride, I will leave you with this........

 

...........A picture with three of my favorite people in honor of National Sibling's Day. We may not share the same last name anymore (which those of you who were lucky enough to witness the Maid of Honor's speech know this is somewhat of a struggle for the youngest in the family), but I can guarantee the love and respect I have for these three people continues to grow every day.

 

Huracan, El Aguila, and Dancing Queen - thanks for letting me grow up with you (like you had a choice!) If siblings were noses, I'd pick you.

 

Te amo con todo mi corazon.



Unsolicited Interview Advice

El Aguila has recently been gearing up for super important potentially life changing Med School interviews. Lucky for him, I am an expert in commitment issues and have succeeded in completing quite a collection of job interviews over the last five years.

So here goes........

HOW TO SURVIVE A MEDICAL SCHOOL INTERVIEW

"Tips from a sorta professional in a kinda medical related career field"

Written by Big Boca Bob

1. Browse TMZ's website every morning. Stay up to date on current events (i.e. Kim Kardashian's pregnancy and Justin Bieber may OR may not be smoking the reefer) so you have backup talking points if there is a pause in conversation. It also makes you appear more cultured. .
2. Show up 5 minutes late. It lets your interviewer know you had more important things to do that day. You live a more glamorous life than what some po-dunk medical school could offer you. When they ask why you were late, make up some sweet story about finishing a morning hike up Mt. Everest or running late from a meeting with The Trump himself discussing stocks and sipping on aged whiskey. They should feel privileged to have had the opportunity to meet with you - not the other way around.
3. After shaking hands, when they ask you to have a seat, do so in the biggest, fanciest, rolliest, chair behind the interviewer's desk. Tell him/her you wanted to take your future chair for a test drive. It shows confidence.
4. If you are asked, "What is your biggest strength?" proceed to stand on the desk and strike one hell of a flexed bicep pose. Ask where the gym is on campus because you want to continue to develop your personal strengths. It proves you are motivated for success.
5. Speak in a British accent at all times. There is a misconception in this country that all people from England are members of the royal family. Use this ignorance of Americans to your advantage.
6. Never (and I mean NEVER) wear a suit to an interview. Every other applicant will be wearing black, gray, or navy blue. Steer clear of these colors. Suggestions for attire include neon shades of green and pink paired with your BEST tennis shoes. It shows you are not afraid to break from the norm.
7. Prepare a handwritten resume on wide-ruled notebook paper. The art of writing is dying and employers appreciate your effort in expressing yourself by dotting your i's with hearts and putting smiley faces in all your o's. It shows personality and character.
8. Show your dedication by tattooing the mascot of the Med School at which you are interviewing on your future surgical hand prior to the interview - as long as that mascot is not a donkey. It might create an awkward moment if you shake your interviewer's hand with an ass.
9. If your cell phone rings during the interview, answer it and pretend its the director of a competing PhD program. You should never appear to have only one option.
10. ALWAYS end the interview with an exploding fist pound. Handshakes are for losers. Fist bumps are for winners. YOU ARE A WINNER.

Feliz Navidad

From mi familia a tu familia..........

 

THE DIVA AND SUPER ADORABLE ONE

 

 

THE PRETTY AND EMOTIONAL ONE

 

 

THE SMART AND ATHLETIC ONE

"The Golden Child"

 

 

 THE BROWN AND PEPPY ONE

 

 

THE WHITE AND FUNNY ONE

 

 

 THE TALL AND UNPREDICTABLE ONE

 

 

AND ONE HECKUVA GOOD LOOKING BUNCH

OF MISFITS!

 

Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

 

 

 

My Brother Is Cooler Than Your Brother

El Aguila and I have always been - BY FAR - the most competitive siblings. He was naturally gifted with more intelligence and better athleticism than I, but I have always made an A+ effort in knocking him off of Grandma and Grandpa's little pedestal. This may seem odd as El Aguila is actually 4 years younger than I, but his continued success will always challenge me to be better. Maybe there is something kinda sorta ok about having a little twerp for a brother. Luckily, over the past couple of years, El Aguila made some less-than-mediocre life decisions, and my position in Grandma and Grandpa's spotlight was shining yet again.

HOWEVER -

Listen carefully, El Aquila,

because today I finally throw the white flag. I hang my head in shame knowing that you are truly greater than I. Let's be honest here - I never crossed the finish line 3rd in the state of Illinois after running several miles, I never received a scholarship for entrance into the actual real life United States Naval Academy because I have lightning speed running legs and Einstein-like math skills AND THEN turned down said scholarship because I am just too cool to wear that weird looking boat hat. I have never sent 14,000 text messages in ONE month because I simply have too many people that want to be my friends.

AND I HAVE NEVER STUDIED FOR 6 MONTHS FOR THE HARDEST TEST EVA!!!!

NOR HAVE I EVER CHOSEN TO SIT FOR SEVERAL HOURS TO TAKE "HARDEST TEST EVA" ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

You win - El Aguila - you win!

Every time I have called over the past few weeks, you answered with "What you want, fool? I'm studying."

translation - BORING

Every time I invited you to one of my super cool house parties, you answered with "I can't. I'm studying."

translation - SUPER BORING

And this one time you even turned down going to LAMBEAU FIELD (best place on Earth) because you were studying!!

translation - SUPER MEGA CRAZY BORING

I can't even begin to understand how incredibly dull the last few months of your life have been (because I'm obviously the complete opposite of incredibly dull). I don't even know what the words physics, organic chemistry, and bioecology mean. In fact....I may have even made up that last one. You have been the least cool person I know, and I don't know why, but I'm super proud of you for doing it!

You are smarter.

You are more athletic.

You are you.

But I, my brother, am prettier.
I can still count on my looks to keep up with your awesomeness.

Congratulations on accomplishing something that very few people will ever attempt. KICK THAT MCAT'S GLUTEUS MAXIMUS. Remember that the test score you will receive in approximately one month does not matter. For you - mi hermano - have already proven your focus, determination, and drive for success.

And all of this done by your 22nd birthday.

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS EL AGUILA!

You are the 2nd smartest guy I know.

(2nd to Osama Bin Father, of course)

You make me uber proud every day of your existence.

NOW GO CELEBRATE!

Your super lame reputation needs some serious help after the past few months.

Call me if you need to up your cool factor by hanging out with someone totally better looking than you.

Camera Found

FUN PHOTOS AS PROMISED.........

Pre-race Face

We're going to a race.

We're gonna win first place.

You have an ugly face!

Prior to listening to Dancing Queen complain

about her digestive system for 30 minutes

Running is fun!

And even more fun when you're running with Dancing Queen!

Easiest obstacle of the race?

The Gollywhopper!

Bad thing about going down

is somehow you have to get back up.

 I love meeting people at races.

This bride was getting married the same afternoon as the race.

I'm not so sure I'll be able to sway my bridal party

into an hour of torture on the morning of my wedding.

Post-race,

We survived.

And Dancing Queen found a restroom.

After a quick shower, it was off to wedding festivities.

And although Devin looked beautiful on her wedding day,

I believe this little girl may have stolen the show.

I seriously cannot get enough of Pebbles.

It's a sick obsession.

Sweetest moment of the evening?

Watching this adorable family of three share a dance.

CHECK BACK AFTER THIS WEEKEND

as I'm sure the photos will be much funnier and muddier.

Huracan, Dancing Queen, Big Boca Bob, and Shawnee

GUERREROS!

This Is How I Spend My Weekends

NIGHT ONE

As Officer Bob sits watching football, and I surf the net in an effort to START my Christmas shopping. The holiday season kinda sorta snuck up on me this year!

Officer Bob: "I need a haircut"

Big Boca Bob: "I'm thirsty"

Officer Bob: "Maybe I can just trim my sideburns"

Big Boca Bob: "Maybe I can get a cappuccino"

Officer Bob: "I think I'm going to go to Mom's and use their clippers to trim my sideburns"

Big Boca Bob: " I think I'm going to go to the gas station and get a cappuccino"

ANYONE STILL READING?

Big Boca Bob: "Will you drive me?"

Officer Bob: "Whatever"

Big Boca Bob: "Do I need to put a bra on?"

Officer Bob: "If you expect me to drive you"

Big Boca Bob: "What if I just put a sweatshirt on?" (I frequently use the rationalization that heavy clothing hides the fact that my boobs are touching my kneecaps.)

Officer Bob: "You are embarrassing!"

Big Boca Bob: "Fine. I'll put on a bra. But I'm NOT gonna like it!"

Officer Bob: "You can walk then"

Big Boca Bob: "FINE!"

About 5 minutes and a block and a half later, I realize my stubbornness is inferior to the fact that it is 15 degrees outside, I am wearing lime green pants, a sweatshirt from high school, and 2 year old slippers. So I reluctantly throw my thumb out in hopes someone will pick up a poor, frozen Mexican from the side of the road.

Officer Bob slams on the brakes, throws open the passenger side door, and shouts:

"Hurry up! Get the eff in! My girlfriend can be a real b-word about this shit!"

Apparently he has done this before.

Should I be worried?
__________________________________________________________________

NIGHT TWO

I receive a phone call from El Aguila.

"Can my gf and I come over to study? It's a proven fact that people study better when they go somewhere they've never studied before."

Does this give me an excuse to eat pizza and chips while completely ignoring my poor attempt at another p90x workout? Yes?

"Sure! Come on over!"

Turns out I'm not a great study buddy.

First two hours spent watching 30 Minutes or Less. Movie grade? A. Very funny. Very inappropriate. Totally my style.

Hour number three spent watching cats dance, comedians sing, and incredibly awkward members of society make attempts at becoming viral superstars on YouTube. Fail.

Hour number four spent listening to El Aguila show off his musical talents in the form of TOTALLY inappropriate and offensive lyrics (stolen from other funny people) combined with some pretty rockin' guitar pickin'

Yes folks, the man you are about to see is currently studying for the MCAT. As he could possibly be attending med school. As he could one day be responsible for performing life-saving medical procedures on very young children or the elderly.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING VIDEOS ARE VERY OFFENSIVE AND INAPPROPRIATE. CONTAIN FOUL LANGUAGE. NOT FOR CHILDREN. IF YOU ARE OVER THE AGE OF 25 BUT STILL HAVE THE MATURITY LEVEL OF A 16 YEAR OLD YOU WILL THOROUGHLY ENJOY.

Lesson 1: Math

Lesson 2: Love

Halfway to 42

21 years ago,

On July 27, 1990

A little brown boy entered our family.

It was a good thing Mama Dirt was strolling next to the dumpster that day

and saw his little brown eyes looking longingly for someone to take him home. 

Turns out the stork saw him,

said "screw this!"

and dumped him at the most appropriate place at the time.

Another man's trash became our little family's......trash.

But he was treasured trash, nonetheless.

I, for one, was more than happy to bring a younger sibling into the family.

An hermano that I could tease daily, push down the stairs,

and dress up in my old dance recital outfits.

And now........

That little brown boy.

Has matured into...........

An older little brown boy.

I honestly, truly, am having a difficult time coming to the realization

that my little tiny baby brother is a legal alcohol-consuming,

slot-machine playing, full blown adult!

Talk. About. Scary.

So far in his 21st year of life, El Aguila has purchased his first 6 pack (of Mike's Hard....really, El Aguila?! What a pansy!), lost slightly more that $20 at the casino, and received a long lecture from his older, wiser, and more beautiful sister about bar selection in a college town on a Saturday night.

Sounds to me like he is kick starting his adult life in just the right way!

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS, EL AGUILA!

I love ya little brown dumpster boy.

We've always been Mama's favorites. PLEASE don't screw it up!

We're Not Exactly What You Would Call "Huggers"

Day: Friday, April 1st 2011

Time: 12:30 p.m.

Setting: Mama Dirt's Hospital Room

Text Message Sent To Huracan Ramirez and El Aguila:
"Mom had surgery. They had to remove her gallbladder."

Actual Responses (via text message):

Huracan Ramirez: "Sweet Baby Jesus"

El Aguila: "Damn. Does she get to keep it in a jar? I wanted to name it."

For those of you who actually care more about her welfare than her very own sons, Mama Dirt is recovering from surgery well. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Reason #38 I Better Get More Than The Boys In The Will

Who Doesn't Love a Good Charlie Sheen Reference?

This past weekend, on top of spending quality time with the family, I had the luxury of watching Dancing Queen do what she does best.

Dance.

In fact I watched people dance for 9 hours. Yes I said 9.
World's longest dance-a-thon.

However, being the supportive sister that I am I pretended to enjoy every minute of it. Ok......I really did enjoy most minutes. Especially those minutes when Dancing Queen took center stage. She makes me so proud. But those minutes when the dancers performed what they call "lyrical" translated as "dancing with a face of constipation" were a struggle.

I introduce you to the 4th place team in the state of Illinois.  Excuse the "Oh No" exclamation from the videographer about 30 seconds into the routine. Even I know that dropping a pom is comparable to murder in the dance world. The girls were able to recover well. PHEW!

(Dancing Queen would be the solo gal in the front. She's totally cooler than me.)

I would like to note that Dancing Queen (along with two other girls on the squad) received a Rising Star award. She is truly a jazz-dancin', hip hoppin' Supah-Stah.

I would also like to note that if there was an award for best facials, this girl would win hands down. She puts dignity on hold in order to create facial expressions that no judge could forget.

In true Supah-Stah style, Dancing Queen celebrates victory with a "Supermodel Documentary Hour!" (If you do not get this movie/SNL reference, I apologize. But we think it's funny. Sorry.)  Having been gifted the modeling eye of Tyra, trust me when I say that this girl's got skillz.

I, however, am still a supermodel in training. Perfecting this beauty is not easy.

Following the dance performances, the family continued the theme at the hotel. It has been mentioned before that El Aguila and I are quite competitive. In EVERY aspect of life. Dancing Queen had already proven her dance abilities, and now it was a battle of the siblings. We chose a very important characteristic of dance. Flexibility. I honestly think it is completely normal for siblings in their 20's to attempt feats of flexibility on a Saturday night in a Ramada hotel room while wearing pajamas and cowboy boots. Then again....I also think Gnomio and Juliet is a completely normal portrayal of Shakespeare. To each his own, I suppose.

They say that pictures are worth 1000 words.

The following pictures only say one word.

WINNER!

Once again being the supportive sister that I am, I attempted to assist El Aguila in mastering the flexibility task.

Failure.
Sorry dude......keep working on it.

Turns out both Dancing Queen and Big Boca Bob actually have something in common with Charlie Sheen - WINNING!

Happy New Year (a little late)

I would like to say that my lack of blogging lately has been due to time spent cleaning the house, training for the half marathon (coming up sooner than I would like), or utilizing all my new cooking supplies courtesy of Mama Dirt. However, I regret to inform you that I have been lazy. Not just lack of energy, sorry Gilbert we can't go for a walk today lazy. I'm talking like lay in bed after coming home because my back aches, my feet hurt, and I have a pounding headache lazy. So......I am SNAPPING MYSELF OUT OF THIS FUNK!! This week has been devoted to training runs, healthy eating, and stress management and relaxation techniques. I am happy to report that days 1-2 have been uber successful. Please hold the applause.......Reggie shit in the house this morning and my stress management skills are still a little under developed. I do believe, though, that with a little time and lots of practice, I am on my way to starting each day with more pep in my step.

I would now like to segue into my New Year's blog meant to be posted approximately five days ago. Father time is sprinting these days. Doesn't he know I'm more of an endurance girl?

My transition from 2010 to 2011 was somewhat uneventful, but incredibly entertaining nonetheless.  El Aguila made the trip to Casa de Bob with his girlfriend (yet to be nicknamed) to ring in the new year with his favorite older sister. Sign #364 that I am aging - I call my underage, younger brother and his girlfriend to hang out with me on New Year's Eve.

Aren't they quite the attractive couple?

Theme of the night?

Games.

Fun Games.

While Officer Bob was still protecting the county from drug addicts and prostitutes, El Aguila, his girlfriend, and I started the evening with a fun round of Win, Lose, or Draw. I think it is safe to say that we ALL lack the artistic gene. It didn't help that the game was invented circa 1977 and my fancy TV could barely handle the state-of-the-art graphics. I don't really think there was a winner of this game. We all lose. Note the picture below.......three guesses as to what it is. And I am 99.9% sure that no one will guess correctly. Sorry yet-to-be-nicknamed girlfriend, but you are not the next Da Vinci.

Following Win, Lose, or Draw was a one-woman show on Wii Fit. El Aguila and I are very competitive siblings, and I would like to use this blog as my platform to gloat. I dominated EVERY game on Wii Fit setting new records and high scores. El Aguila sulked in his inferiority. Sorry, man, but yous gots to train fo' next year, bro!!  I not only served as Queen of the Wii, but I also took my role as videographer very seriously. Say hello to the hula hoop! (Which though not documented, I totally dominated. These Mexican hips FINALLY come in handy for something!)

By this time, Officer Bob arrived home from work and we rang in the new year with kisses and bubbly (minus the kisses). Officer Bob would not give in to my multiple requests.

12:01 hit and it was officially time to start the Zumba party! Thanks to CareBear I have become hooked on this game. Titty Baby and CareBear recently had us over for a Zumba party, and it was like giving David Hasselhoff his first beer. I was attached! As a result, I immediately drove to the nearest Wal-Mart to purchase my own copy. For those of you who are unaware of the Zumba fitness phenomenon, I will not enlighten you with words. Instead I give you actual footage................

The topper on the night was Officer Bob agreeing to play as well. Keep in mind that the game does not involve running in place. This is just Officer Bob's interpretation of dance steps. See what I have to work with?

Eventually he got groovin' a little more, but I was only able to capture a still of his magic feet in action.

I know there is also secret footage of the one and only Titty Baby shakin' it in the name of Zumba, and as soon as I can get my hands on that video, you will have entertainment that could last a lifetime.

All in all......a fabulous time spent with fabulous people.

Happy New Year Blog Readers!

Here's to a happy, healthy, and one helluva 2011!