This Is How I Spend My Weekends

NIGHT ONE

As Officer Bob sits watching football, and I surf the net in an effort to START my Christmas shopping. The holiday season kinda sorta snuck up on me this year!

Officer Bob: "I need a haircut"

Big Boca Bob: "I'm thirsty"

Officer Bob: "Maybe I can just trim my sideburns"

Big Boca Bob: "Maybe I can get a cappuccino"

Officer Bob: "I think I'm going to go to Mom's and use their clippers to trim my sideburns"

Big Boca Bob: " I think I'm going to go to the gas station and get a cappuccino"

ANYONE STILL READING?

Big Boca Bob: "Will you drive me?"

Officer Bob: "Whatever"

Big Boca Bob: "Do I need to put a bra on?"

Officer Bob: "If you expect me to drive you"

Big Boca Bob: "What if I just put a sweatshirt on?" (I frequently use the rationalization that heavy clothing hides the fact that my boobs are touching my kneecaps.)

Officer Bob: "You are embarrassing!"

Big Boca Bob: "Fine. I'll put on a bra. But I'm NOT gonna like it!"

Officer Bob: "You can walk then"

Big Boca Bob: "FINE!"

About 5 minutes and a block and a half later, I realize my stubbornness is inferior to the fact that it is 15 degrees outside, I am wearing lime green pants, a sweatshirt from high school, and 2 year old slippers. So I reluctantly throw my thumb out in hopes someone will pick up a poor, frozen Mexican from the side of the road.

Officer Bob slams on the brakes, throws open the passenger side door, and shouts:

"Hurry up! Get the eff in! My girlfriend can be a real b-word about this shit!"

Apparently he has done this before.

Should I be worried?
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NIGHT TWO

I receive a phone call from El Aguila.

"Can my gf and I come over to study? It's a proven fact that people study better when they go somewhere they've never studied before."

Does this give me an excuse to eat pizza and chips while completely ignoring my poor attempt at another p90x workout? Yes?

"Sure! Come on over!"

Turns out I'm not a great study buddy.

First two hours spent watching 30 Minutes or Less. Movie grade? A. Very funny. Very inappropriate. Totally my style.

Hour number three spent watching cats dance, comedians sing, and incredibly awkward members of society make attempts at becoming viral superstars on YouTube. Fail.

Hour number four spent listening to El Aguila show off his musical talents in the form of TOTALLY inappropriate and offensive lyrics (stolen from other funny people) combined with some pretty rockin' guitar pickin'

Yes folks, the man you are about to see is currently studying for the MCAT. As he could possibly be attending med school. As he could one day be responsible for performing life-saving medical procedures on very young children or the elderly.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING VIDEOS ARE VERY OFFENSIVE AND INAPPROPRIATE. CONTAIN FOUL LANGUAGE. NOT FOR CHILDREN. IF YOU ARE OVER THE AGE OF 25 BUT STILL HAVE THE MATURITY LEVEL OF A 16 YEAR OLD YOU WILL THOROUGHLY ENJOY.

Lesson 1: Math

Lesson 2: Love