Greetings, Groupies, and Groceries - Oh My! #burritobeat2015 Days 65,66,&67

DAY 65 - Greetings

Dancing Queen's mystery man flew in from New Jersey to meet the family. Prince Charming hails from a much more urban area of this fabulous country and he was slightly shell shocked at the lack of skyscrapers and noise pollution. I sure do love the Midwest! 

Day 66 - Groupies

Give me a beer and some live country music and my Saturday night is made. Yee Haw! I became a quick fan of up and comer Drew Baldridge not only because his voice is reminiscent of Josh Turner but also because he takes the time to pose for a photo op with a Mexican wearing flannel and cowboy boots. 

DAY 67 - Groceries

I remembered why I never go grocery shopping on weekends. My patience was truly tested in the frozen food aisle today. Don't mess with a woman on a mission for frozen cauliflower.  Shit gets real when you question my intelligence regarding the difference between it and broccoli. Seriously,  WalMart?

#burritobeat2015 Day 49

Woman Crush Wednesday! 

Shoutout to all these tias! What fabulous role models for our little Bobbie Burrito......keep it classy ladies!

#burritobeat2015 Day 9

Welcome Home Tia! We got to surprise Dancing Queen at the airport today as she arrived home from the only place where all your dreams come true. Dancing Queen spent the last 6 months at Disney World and her stories prove the slogan to be true. Only one semester of school and an internship stand in the way of her return to the sunshine state. Dancing Queen made Florida her home during her short stay and though we will miss her if she chooses to make it a permanent residence, I will secretly squeal with joy knowing my vacations are practically planned for the majority of Bobbie Burrito's childhood. Welcome back for now, Dancing Queen! We plan to steal all the snuggles we can while you join us in the chilly Midwest. 

P.S. Airport lighting does wonders for this little blue eyed beauty #nofilter

Bundle up Dancing Queen! Old Man Winter will show no mercy on your warm soul.

From a Miss to a Mrs.

I promise the transformation to wife hasn't killed me........yet.

I have been on one heckuva rollercoaster ride the past few weeks, and I am still trying to play a little catch up. I had initially planned to give myself some time to recover from the excitement of wedded bliss to write a very thorough and detailed description of The Bob's debut as Mr. and Mrs. However, I quickly learned that I should have taken notes. As I attempt to write a spectacular wedding blog full of pictures and special moments from the perspective of the bride, I will leave you with this........

 

...........A picture with three of my favorite people in honor of National Sibling's Day. We may not share the same last name anymore (which those of you who were lucky enough to witness the Maid of Honor's speech know this is somewhat of a struggle for the youngest in the family), but I can guarantee the love and respect I have for these three people continues to grow every day.

 

Huracan, El Aguila, and Dancing Queen - thanks for letting me grow up with you (like you had a choice!) If siblings were noses, I'd pick you.

 

Te amo con todo mi corazon.



Photos/Stories As Promised

Better Late Than Never!

Three Things

1. Getting married is like a 6 month constant party of fun.
2. My Matron and Maid of Honors are the best! :)
3. Mama Dirt rocks too.

Decorations for the bachelorette party were themed, raunchy, and abundant. No worries....I have refrained from posting MOST inappropriate pictures - and believe me when I say there were many.

 

Mama Dirt and Dancing Queen were in charge of fashion design for the evening, and I pulled off one heckuva rockstar bachelorette look thanks to their attention to detail and pristine sewing abilities.

 

Prior to dinner, I of course had to snack on a few appetizers. CareBear's words of wisdom - "they don't really taste like that."  



 

Unfortunately, I have absolutely no pictures from dinner although time spent at the restaurant far exceeded all other events of the night. Here's some highlights:

 

•  Cocktails were plentiful - delicious, flavored, multi-colored cocktails.
• Mama Dirt ordered the following item from the menu: “The Bastacolli” Sausage, meatballs, pepper and mushrooms in a rich marinara over penne pasta and baked with mozzarella and parmesan cheese. You eat it all and receive a Free Basta’s Tee Shirt!
•  Mama Dirt received an extra large take-home bucket of mostacolli and no tee shirt.
• Several talkative females surrounding a dinner table resulted in NO pause in conversation for a straight 2.5 hours.
• The waiter only spilled one bowl of pasta on the floor - pretty good when you consider the distraction of all the fine ladies surrounding him.

Following dinner, the ladies retreated to the party suite for a few phallic treats including but not limited to cake, cupcakes, popsicles, suckers, etc. Even Mama Gin got in on the action. (By the way....Mama Dirt must have had some rockin' party days because she can cook up some delightfully delicious jello shots with a special kick.)

 



 

Gifts followed dessert, and due to my family/friends incredibly inappropriate gift giving, I have no pictures for your viewing pleasure. What happened to the good 'ol days of lingerie gift giving? My family/friends instead chose to gift and RE-gift an entire collection of adult films featuring quite the diverse population of actors/actresses. The Llama should really spend more of her time molding the young minds of the girls she nannies and less time wasting money in the porn crane game at the local watering hole. 

Games Followed Gifts:

First on the list? Banana Ring Toss.

Despite this display of impeccable technique and form, I did not earn the title of Banana Ring Toss champion.

 

 Unfortunately for Liz, the hands-on-hip technique also did not result in victory.

 

 

I'm sure by now you have all noted the naked man in the background of the previous posted photos. Per tradition, the night included a rousing game of Pin the Junk on the Hunk.

 

A lack of blindfold resulted in Bob's Bachelorette Boa as a form of vision blocking. The Llama made a good move.

 

Mrs. E struggled slightly.

 

And Goldie walked away with the title. I think it was due to her "good luck" guide from behind.

 

Following games, the girls headed out for a little casino action. Monetary breakdown is as follows: Everyone lost money EXCEPT for the lucky mother of twins. She was lucky enough to survive delivery of two beautiful boys and her luck continued at the slots.

 

Following a depressing loss of finances, the girls headed back to a little relaxation and skin rejuvenation. It takes work to look this good.

 

A HUGE thanks to all those in attendance!

 

Only 13 more days until the real party starts!



I Like To Play Dress Up

February 2013 has been dedicated to role playing.

 

Get your minds out of the gutter people.

 

I'm talking "dressing like a fool and embarrassing my future husband" kind of role playing. No kinky involved. Real clothes are overrated. I kind of wish my closet consisted of more costumes. I'm not lying when I say that I could totally live my entire life dressing as a different character each day. Am I odd? Yes. Is being odd fun? Heck to the Yes.

 

I give you......

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

 

NOT in that order as pictured.

 

 

Word to the wise:

Never invite Big Boca's family to a theme party.

It is ALWAYS taken literally.

 

Last night I became:

 

Saturday Night Fever

Bachelorette Disco Queen

 

A girl can never over accessorize.

.

Next month, I get to be a princess.

Maybe not one of my most predicted roles,

but definitely much anticipated.

 

By the way:

I know you are all waiting for photos/stories from the bachelorette party. I will not disappoint. Just give me a chance to alphabetize my extensive collection of adult videos I was gifted. I'm a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to my nudey movies.

Feliz Navidad

From mi familia a tu familia..........

 

THE DIVA AND SUPER ADORABLE ONE

 

 

THE PRETTY AND EMOTIONAL ONE

 

 

THE SMART AND ATHLETIC ONE

"The Golden Child"

 

 

 THE BROWN AND PEPPY ONE

 

 

THE WHITE AND FUNNY ONE

 

 

 THE TALL AND UNPREDICTABLE ONE

 

 

AND ONE HECKUVA GOOD LOOKING BUNCH

OF MISFITS!

 

Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

 

 

 

A Belated Birthday for Beans

Keep in mind the party was only 6 days belated, but my poor excuse for blogging is what caused the 12 day delay. :)

Due to geographical location, the Casa de Bob family was unable to party with Beans on the 1 year anniversary of her birth. However, the Belated Beans Birthday was well worth the wait, and my little burrito of a niece was quite the firecracker. This would be no surprise if you have met either one of the poor girl's grandmothers. :)

In order to make the mess slightly more manageable, it was decided that Beans would receive ONE chocolate cupcake for surviving ONE year of direct care by her father. This child could just not contain her excitement at the site of the deliciousness in front of her.

However, the excitement quickly turned to fear/confusion when a room full of Mexicans started singing to the scared child. She better get used to it as I'm sure our family Mariachi band has already booked gigs for future birthday celebrations. 

The confusion soon subsided and attention was again focused on the task at hand. Eat. Chocolate. I never knew so many emotions could be involved in eating a cupcake, but Beans has proven that the art of Cupcake Consumption is quite an emotional journey.

And of course, you could not turn away from the magic. Beans made sure to reiterate that she was indeed the center of attention.

 

Cupcakes were followed with clean-up and the Belated Beans Birthday was concluded by the annual tradition of the presents. Her favorite was obviously her Uncle Officer Bob and Aunt Big Boca Bob's gift - if you define favorite as the gift we forced her to put on and parade around the house. Raise your hand if you are going to be the cutest flower girl in the history of flower girls?! (tied with Pebbles of course)

 

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS, BEANS!

The past year flew by, and you are no longer Daddy's little baby. You are a diva full of attitude who has mastered the art of the "don't mess with this chicana" glare. This makes me proud - but could you do me a favor? Hold off on growing up TOO fast? I want to make these moments last.

 

P.S. Beans was also kind enough to share her fiesta with her second favorite Mexican aunt. (Sorry Dancing Queen but the truth hurts.) TWENTY cupcakes for the TWENTY year old.

 

 

And all de-flamed in one breath. She. Is. Good.

 

I must admit that I'm really loving all the family time I have been getting lately. I feel so spoiled getting to watch my little nieces grow, and it makes my heart happy knowing my time in doing so has just started. This is Officer Bob and I's 8th Christmas together, and the FIRST time we will get to spend it with BOTH sides of the family TOGETHER.  I am extremely grateful for the oppotunity to be surrounded by loved ones during this holiday season. It's a dysfunctional group to say the least, but it's our family.

 

 



Twenty Years Have Passed

 

And I'm still browner than you.

 

Some things will never change.

 

************************************************

 

And that includes my love for my little twin.

 

Feliz Cumpleanos, Dancing Queen!!!

 

Congratulations on officially surviving your teenage years.

(and proving those teen pregnancy statistics wrong)

 

Now take on your 20 somethings like a true warrior!

 

 

Livin' La Vida Loca

WARNING:

The following post is long. Very long.

It should be about 5 separate posts.

BUT

this is proof that I haven't just been sitting around on my lazy bum waiting for something fabulous or funny or completely ridiculous to happen in my life so I could write about it. My life over the past month has been fabulous, funny, and completely ridiculous, and I am just now recovering from it all.

Life Event #1

Small yet Eventful Bachelorette Party in Arizona

We were cute.

(in all the pictures early in the evening)

 But after a few pitchers of adult beverages,

all photogenic qualities went right out the window.

And apparently so did all proper decision-making skills

and abilities to differentiate between appropriate and non-appropriate

ways to act in public areas.

Exhibit A:

Big Boca Bob's extremely unneccessary

"Baby Got Back" choreography.

(although you have to admit, the piano is an exceptional prop)

Exhibit B:

Big Boca Bob's poor decision to remove her bra

and place said bra on the piano player's head.

(Sorry Mama Dirt)

Exhibit C:

Big Boca Bob's constant proclamation

that she "shared a moment" with the piano player.

(he was practically seducing me with his eyes - I swear!)

Exhibit D:

Best Friend/Bridesmaid unable to stand

straight up in elevators.

BUT still able to pull of rockstar poses

in all pictures

And concluding with Exhibit E:

Finding a rock hard kitchen floor as the

most comfortable sleeping quarters for the evening.

(even the dogs couldn't handle it)

So.......what's the best cure for an overwhelming bachelorette hangover?

A little Bailey's in your morning coffee of course!

 And a trip to Margartitaville early in the morning when the sun is shining VERY bright into your squinting eyes amplifying the pounding in your head and instigating nausea.

Followed by mimosas by the pool

(obviously)

And capped off with Bailey's milkshakes in the hot tub.

(DUH!)

Phew!

A whirlwind of a weekend

with some pretty great friends

making some pretty sweet memories.

The end.

Life Event #2

A 6.5 mile tortorous hilly race with two of my three favorite siblings.

(And one pretty cute cheerleader)

Aaron Rodgers? - check!

State Farm Agent? - check!

Discount Double Check Guy? - discount double check!

Trying running for an hour wearing a wedge of cheese on your head.

I had to have burned at least 300 extra calories just trying to keep that thing on.

Remember that cute cheerleader I mentioned?

I honestly was just about as happy to cross the finish line of this race

as I was to cross the finish line after my marathon.

Springdale Cemetary = 2.Many.Hills

 Life Event #4

Halloween.

Beans.

Oompa Loompa.

Adorbs.

The end.

Life Event #5

A fun-filled weekend sleepover with my favorite little Mexican niece.

And just like Pebbles,

Beans likes her Uncle Officer Bob better.

Heart is crushed.

Until I look at pictures like this.

 How can you not smile at that face?

Now.......

you may be asking yourself,

Where was Officer Bob while I was off enjoying life?

Two words.

Video Games.