National news stations make me want to vomit.
For realz.
I can no longer muster up the energy to watch political debates over incredibly nonsense topics.
Watching such debates makes me fear for the future of this country.
At this point, I am seriously contemplating voting for Roseanne Barr for president if she should choose to run. Her methods can be no less irritating and/or frightening than those individuals currently posting ridiculous campaign messages across my television screen.
And don't get me started on the Whitney Houston crisis that has apparently taken over the nation.
Don't get me wrong, "I will always love" that lady (get it?) She blessed many with her amazing vocals, but if I have to hear "ooooo....I wanna dance with somebody" one more time, I am going to rip out my ear drums and feed them to the birds that keep shitting on my car in the parking lot at work.
I'm starting to dream about her funeral.
Seriously.
It happened.
So............in an effort to break away from men in suits and ties debating over the need for an electric fence between two countries and the constant replay of Whitney hits, I ventured over to my backup source of America's finest news for some entertainment.
Thank you, hard-working, detail-focused, writers of WTF News. For you are able to investigate the TRUE news of today's society!
You can't find headlines like this just anywhere:
Jedi' jailed for attacking police with light sabers
Man orders prostitute, daughter arrives
North Koreans. Accordions. '80s song. 'Nuff said
Not only am I able to catch up on all the not-so-popular topics of the times, but I am also able to search the want ads - and boy did I come across a gold mine!
In just over a year, I will be making a vow confirming my role as a Mexican housewife and therefore opening an opportunity for a totally glamorous career as a spandex-wearing, throat punching, bad to the bone Mexican wrestler.
Chokeslam.
Holla!
WTF News - you never cease to amaze me.
Gracias.
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