Big Boca Bob

Sunday, February 24, 2013

I Like To Play Dress Up

February 2013 has been dedicated to role playing.

Get your minds out of the gutter people.

I'm talking "dressing like a fool and embarrassing my future husband" kind of role playing. No kinky involved. Real clothes are overrated. I kind of wish my closet consisted of more costumes. I'm not lying when I say that I could totally live my entire life dressing as a different character each day. Am I odd? Yes. Is being odd fun? Heck to the Yes.

I give you......

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

NOT in that order as pictured.

Word to the wise:

Never invite Big Boca's family to a theme party.

It is ALWAYS taken literally.

Last night I became:

Saturday Night Fever

Bachelorette Disco Queen

A girl can never over accessorize.

Next month, I get to be a princess.

Maybe not one of my most predicted roles,

but definitely much anticipated.

By the way:

I know you are all waiting for photos/stories from the bachelorette party. I will not disappoint. Just give me a chance to alphabetize my extensive collection of adult videos I was gifted. I'm a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to my nudey movies.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Bridal Shower Red Carpet Preview

How many of you can say you dressed like this

on the day of your bridal shower?

Furthermore,

how many of you can say your fiance showed up

toting a baby wearing sunglasses and

looking like this?

Mama Dirt, Dancing Queen, and Mrs. Horn

really are the best party planners!

Officer Bob and I were most definitely showered

with *star power* love.

Wait until you see the rest of the stars that hit the red carpet!

It.Was.Awesome.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Crazy Little Thing Called Life

Things you missed in my absence:

Officer Bob celebrated his 28th birthday.

He's pretty cute. I'm considering marrying him next month. He acts more like he's 15 than in his late 20's. He enjoys making fun of his soon-to-be wife, playing PS3 until the wee hours of the morning, and making funny faces.

Huracan Ramirez celebrated his 29th birthday.

He's kinda OK in the looks department. I'm considering calling him next month. He acts more like he's 21 than in his late 20's. He enjoys making fun of his favorite sister, playing guitar until the wee hours of the morning, and making even funnier faces.

CareBear celebrated her 29th birthday.

She's beautiful both inside and out. I'm considering officially making her my sister next month. She acts her age. She enjoys making a fool of herself in costume at bridal showers, chasing after her adorable daughter, and proving her husband wrong.

I sprained my back tying tags on wedding favors. Is that normal?
The birthday boys and a few tag-a-longs (Big Boca Bob included) celebrated their aging process with a ski trip in Wisconsin. Everyone survived. There were no broken bones. Broken egos? That's another story.
Mary Poppins, Juno, and Elle Woods threw me a Star-Studded Bridal Shower with guests including Tom Cruise, Liz Taylor, The Cat in the Hat, Forrest Gump, Indiana Jones, Super Girl, Two members of the Clampett family, Wilma and Pebbles Flintstone, Olivia Newton John, Jovie the Elf, Katniss Everdeen, and Jennifer Beals just to name a few. Zach Galifianakis even made a guest appearance dressed in his famous role as Alan (baby Carlos included). Several pictures were taken and will be posted soon. It was a BLAST!
I filed my taxes. It's ok to be jealous.
After looking at the February and March calendar, I realized the schedule of The Bob's could not be any more ridiculous/confusing.
Just when I thought life couldn't get any busier - it did - and I like it.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

In Exactly 2 Months.........

THIS MAN
becomes my husband.

Yay for me and
my super hero fantasies!
Too bad this one doesn't have:
A. Super sweet sculpted abs
B. A costume that fits.

My fantasies rarely
become reality.

He's got super sweet white boy dancing skills, though.
So I got that going for me.

Can't wait to say "I Do",
Officer Bob!

Friday, January 18, 2013

The Resemblance is Uncanny

Pebbles.......

I used to think you inherited everything from of your father and your father only.
However, after taking a closer look, the evidence has proven there is really no denying that CareBear is your mother.

Don't see it yet?

Let's take a closer look.

Yup.

She's yours.

Monday, January 14, 2013

It's a Small Town

At approximately 6:20am on a brisk Sunday morning, I receive the following text message from Officer Bob who has just left the house for a day on the job:

"Can you make sure the doors are locked? There is a weirdo guy dressed in all black standing in the alley by the railroad tracks just staring at nothing."

My response:

"Creepy"

(Give me a break. It was my weekend. I wanted to sleep. As a general rule, I have trained my brain to not function at full strength until after the sun has come up.)

A reply from Officer Bob:

"Yeah. I even slowed down to check it out and the creep just stood there."

(This is where Officer Bob and I differ. It may be my lack of law enforcement training, but I would NOT slow down to check out creepy guy. I would drive faster to escape potential danger of the situation including but not limited to robbery, murder, etc.)

End Scene.

Later that afternoon, I am enjoying a nice conversation with my future mother-in-law, Daisy Duke. In discussing the day, Daisy Duke informs me that she was out walking the dog early that morning. I inquired as to if she had ventured near the railroad tracks during said walk. Daisy Duke continues to inform me that she indeed was walking the dog near the railroad tracks at exactly 6:20am. I ask if Daisy Duke also witnessed the potential murderer loitering around the tracks at said time.

Her response? (said with slight hesitation)

"I think it was me."

My response?

Laughter. Lots and lots and lots of laughter.

Daisy Duke continues her story by describing the attire she chooses to wear when roaming the streets of our small town bright and early every morning. It may or may not include tall black boots, black coat, scarf , gloves, and black hood worn in the upright position and tied tight.

In Officer Bob's defense, this attire would provoke some type of "creepy" vibe in the darkness of an early winter morning.

So......here is my warning to citizens of this same little village.

The "creepy guy" givin' you that "I need to notify the police of suspicious activity" vibe who is chillin' by the tracks every morning is no more than a loving mother and wife simply engaging in a little exercise.

She'll be the same lady walkin' in her pajamas pushing a cat stroller once spring hits.

Weirdo?

Maybe.

Thief/Killer?

Not so much.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Unsolicited Interview Advice

El Aguila has recently been gearing up for super important potentially life changing Med School interviews. Lucky for him, I am an expert in commitment issues and have succeeded in completing quite a collection of job interviews over the last five years.

So here goes........

HOW TO SURVIVE A MEDICAL SCHOOL INTERVIEW

"Tips from a sorta professional in a kinda medical related career field"

Written by Big Boca Bob

Browse TMZ's website every morning. Stay up to date on current events (i.e. Kim Kardashian's pregnancy and Justin Bieber may OR may not be smoking the reefer) so you have backup talking points if there is a pause in conversation. It also makes you appear more cultured. .
Show up 5 minutes late. It lets your interviewer know you had more important things to do that day. You live a more glamorous life than what some po-dunk medical school could offer you. When they ask why you were late, make up some sweet story about finishing a morning hike up Mt. Everest or running late from a meeting with The Trump himself discussing stocks and sipping on aged whiskey. They should feel privileged to have had the opportunity to meet with you - not the other way around.
After shaking hands, when they ask you to have a seat, do so in the biggest, fanciest, rolliest, chair behind the interviewer's desk. Tell him/her you wanted to take your future chair for a test drive. It shows confidence.
If you are asked, "What is your biggest strength?" proceed to stand on the desk and strike one hell of a flexed bicep pose. Ask where the gym is on campus because you want to continue to develop your personal strengths. It proves you are motivated for success.
Speak in a British accent at all times. There is a misconception in this country that all people from England are members of the royal family. Use this ignorance of Americans to your advantage.
Never (and I mean NEVER) wear a suit to an interview. Every other applicant will be wearing black, gray, or navy blue. Steer clear of these colors. Suggestions for attire include neon shades of green and pink paired with your BEST tennis shoes. It shows you are not afraid to break from the norm.
Prepare a handwritten resume on wide-ruled notebook paper. The art of writing is dying and employers appreciate your effort in expressing yourself by dotting your i's with hearts and putting smiley faces in all your o's. It shows personality and character.
Show your dedication by tattooing the mascot of the Med School at which you are interviewing on your future surgical hand prior to the interview - as long as that mascot is not a donkey. It might create an awkward moment if you shake your interviewer's hand with an ass.
If your cell phone rings during the interview, answer it and pretend its the director of a competing PhD program. You should never appear to have only one option.
ALWAYS end the interview with an exploding fist pound. Handshakes are for losers. Fist bumps are for winners. YOU ARE A WINNER.

Monday, December 31, 2012

HAPPY.

It's 11:45 PM on the last night of 2012, and I am currently wrapped up in a cozy blanket drinking a hot cup of coffee watching a Hallmark movie. Officer Bob is snoring while snuggled up with my two favorite bed-hogging mutts, and this might be my favorite NYE we have shared together.

I had full intentions TWICE of getting all dressed up and hitting the town this evening. However, my dress and heels are still sitting in the closet, and I am still parked in my favorite spot on the couch.

I'm not sure if it's the Kahlua in my coffee or the super annoying feel-good cheery script of the Hallmark movie I'm currently watching, but I feel happy.

Happy that I made it through 2012 in good health and with somewhat sane mind.
Happy that I survived the Mayan Apocalypse.
Happy to have spent time with my fun-loving family on the last day of this year.
Happy that the family I speak of consists of a happy mother, a happier than I have seen in a long time father, and three siblings who make me very proud.
Happy that in exactly 15 minutes, I will be able to say "I am getting married this year."
Happy that my heart believes the man I will be marrying is my soul mate and true love.
Happy that when that marriage occurs, I will be gaining another set of loving parents and a full crazy crew of brothers and sisters whom I already consider to be some of my best friends.
Happy that the disturbing broadcast of Jersey Shore's finest fist-pumping guidos and meatballs will finally be terminated from the television airwaves leaving more room for SOA's Harley-riding hotties and the living dead to haunt my evenings.
Happy that both Officer Bob and I have found careers that we love and that allow us to financially cover our basic needs.
Happy that the only resolution I can come up with this year is to be equally happy on the last day of 2013 as I am today.

It's annoying, I know. I have recently been described as both obnoxious and peppy, and I have a reputation to protect. I am proud of both qualities for those irritating character traits are the same characteristics that allow me to embrace the positive life around me. Trust me when I say that every day of this past year has NOT been sunshine and laughter. There have been tears. There have been struggles. But there have also been smiles. Lots of smiles. Those are the moments I want to remember.

As I watch the clock strike midnight, I will take a glance at my bucket list scheming ways I can cross off as many items as possible in 2013. I will rejoice in the sound of my fiance sawing logs, and I will sip on yet another glass of Kahlua. Man that's good shit.

Happy New Year to all and to all a good night!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Feliz Navidad

From mi familia a tu familia..........

THE DIVA AND SUPER ADORABLE ONE

THE PRETTY AND EMOTIONAL ONE

THE SMART AND ATHLETIC ONE

"The Golden Child"

THE BROWN AND PEPPY ONE

THE WHITE AND FUNNY ONE

THE TALL AND UNPREDICTABLE ONE

AND ONE HECKUVA GOOD LOOKING BUNCH

OF MISFITS!

Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

A Belated Birthday for Beans

Keep in mind the party was only 6 days belated, but my poor excuse for blogging is what caused the 12 day delay. :)

Due to geographical location, the Casa de Bob family was unable to party with Beans on the 1 year anniversary of her birth. However, the Belated Beans Birthday was well worth the wait, and my little burrito of a niece was quite the firecracker. This would be no surprise if you have met either one of the poor girl's grandmothers. :)

In order to make the mess slightly more manageable, it was decided that Beans would receive ONE chocolate cupcake for surviving ONE year of direct care by her father. This child could just not contain her excitement at the site of the deliciousness in front of her.

However, the excitement quickly turned to fear/confusion when a room full of Mexicans started singing to the scared child. She better get used to it as I'm sure our family Mariachi band has already booked gigs for future birthday celebrations.

The confusion soon subsided and attention was again focused on the task at hand. Eat. Chocolate. I never knew so many emotions could be involved in eating a cupcake, but Beans has proven that the art of Cupcake Consumption is quite an emotional journey.

And of course, you could not turn away from the magic. Beans made sure to reiterate that she was indeed the center of attention.

Cupcakes were followed with clean-up and the Belated Beans Birthday was concluded by the annual tradition of the presents. Her favorite was obviously her Uncle Officer Bob and Aunt Big Boca Bob's gift - if you define favorite as the gift we forced her to put on and parade around the house. Raise your hand if you are going to be the cutest flower girl in the history of flower girls?! (tied with Pebbles of course)

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS, BEANS!

The past year flew by, and you are no longer Daddy's little baby. You are a diva full of attitude who has mastered the art of the "don't mess with this chicana" glare. This makes me proud - but could you do me a favor? Hold off on growing up TOO fast? I want to make these moments last.

P.S. Beans was also kind enough to share her fiesta with her second favorite Mexican aunt. (Sorry Dancing Queen but the truth hurts.) TWENTY cupcakes for the TWENTY year old.

And all de-flamed in one breath. She. Is. Good.

I must admit that I'm really loving all the family time I have been getting lately. I feel so spoiled getting to watch my little nieces grow, and it makes my heart happy knowing my time in doing so has just started. This is Officer Bob and I's 8th Christmas together, and the FIRST time we will get to spend it with BOTH sides of the family TOGETHER. I am extremely grateful for the oppotunity to be surrounded by loved ones during this holiday season. It's a dysfunctional group to say the least, but it's our family.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Twenty Years Have Passed

And I'm still browner than you.

Some things will never change.

************************************************

And that includes my love for my little twin.

Feliz Cumpleanos, Dancing Queen!!!

Congratulations on officially surviving your teenage years.

(and proving those teen pregnancy statistics wrong)

Now take on your 20 somethings like a true warrior!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Dear Titty Baby and CareBear,

This past weekend made me realize that

I love you.

Not in a creepy "I want to have your babies" kind of way, but more in a "I totally respect you and admire you" kind of way.

Titty Baby -

I'm not sure I have ever met a man as hard working as you. You are a proud husband and father who is determined to provide the best life possible for your wife and daughter. I can't begin to imagine the blood, sweat, and possibly tears that you have poured into renovating your humble abode over the past few months, but do know that this slightly overweight brown girl is TOTALLY IMPRESSED. You have made that house a home and you should give yourself one helluva pat on the back.

Care Bear -

Life is full of crazy twists and turns (especially since you decided to marry a man who would sell his mother for a perky profit), but you just go along for the ride. I am amazed at your poise and positive attitude. Sure - there are tears and yelling (some days more than others), but you hold your head high and keep routine for that adorable little girl I call my niece. Sacrifices are made and hours are spent questioning life decisions, but you should be very proud of the home you have put together and the family you are raising. Most of all, I applaud you for maintaining your sense of humor through it all. (i.e. skipping through a Kohl's parking lot at 1:00am with your soon to be Mexican sista)

And to you both -

This weekend was proof to me that I am not the only one who sees all of these amazing qualities. You have surrounded yourself with this incredible support system of family and friends that creep out of the woodwork when duty calls. We may be a little dysfunctional as a group - OK....ALOT dysfunctional - but that diverse crazy crew you call "friends" is a total reflection of the two of you. Thank you for proving to me that love, loyalty, and hard work truly does pay off. You have to get your hands dirty to be successful, but the payout is truly rewarding.

I love your loyalty.
I love your dedication to family.
I love my little(ish) Pebbles.
I love Officer Bob for allowing me to become a part of your lives.
And I. Love. You.

P.S. Titty Baby - this sentimental attitude is most likely going to be short lived. Please don't go thinking I actually like you or anything. Tomorrow I will go back to repeatedly making fun of your cracka ass like its my j-o-b.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Livin' La Vida Loca

WARNING:

The following post is long. Very long.

It should be about 5 separate posts.

BUT

this is proof that I haven't just been sitting around on my lazy bum waiting for something fabulous or funny or completely ridiculous to happen in my life so I could write about it. My life over the past month has been fabulous, funny, and completely ridiculous, and I am just now recovering from it all.

Life Event #1

Small yet Eventful Bachelorette Party in Arizona

We were cute.

(in all the pictures early in the evening)

But after a few pitchers of adult beverages,

all photogenic qualities went right out the window.

And apparently so did all proper decision-making skills

and abilities to differentiate between appropriate and non-appropriate

ways to act in public areas.

Exhibit A:

Big Boca Bob's extremely unneccessary

"Baby Got Back" choreography.

(although you have to admit, the piano is an exceptional prop)

Exhibit B:

Big Boca Bob's poor decision to remove her bra

and place said bra on the piano player's head.

(Sorry Mama Dirt)

Exhibit C:

Big Boca Bob's constant proclamation

that she "shared a moment" with the piano player.

(he was practically seducing me with his eyes - I swear!)

Exhibit D:

Best Friend/Bridesmaid unable to stand

straight up in elevators.

BUT still able to pull of rockstar poses

in all pictures

And concluding with Exhibit E:

Finding a rock hard kitchen floor as the

most comfortable sleeping quarters for the evening.

(even the dogs couldn't handle it)

So.......what's the best cure for an overwhelming bachelorette hangover?

A little Bailey's in your morning coffee of course!

And a trip to Margartitaville early in the morning when the sun is shining VERY bright into your squinting eyes amplifying the pounding in your head and instigating nausea.