The Premiere After-Party

 

If there is one thing the family of Mr. and Mrs. Bob know how to do, it is throw one rockin' party. Seriously. Props to the hosts - Mama Dirt, Osama Bin Father, Daisy Duke, and Grand Puba. The food was fantastic, the dancing was delightful, and the party was one for the ages.

 

Following the vows, the wedding party hopped in the limo for a blissful ride (for most) to the reception hall. 

 

Chasing RumChata with Miller Light was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Absolutely refreshing. 

 Don't let the smile on Officer Bob's face in the picture above fool you. Approximately 20 minutes into the slightly winding rock star limousine ride, I look over at my very pale, very uncomfortable husband of less than an hour. Motion sickness has been somewhat of an issue for the better portion of this man's life and unfortunately it reared it's ugly head on such an important day. An emergency phone call was made to the father of the groom and the new Mr. & Mrs. hopped into a slightly less glamorous ride for the remainder of the trip. I for one did not mind as my large dress in such a small space created somewhat of a cocoon suited perfectly for a beer drankin' passenger.

We made a pit stop with the photog for some candid photos.........

 

and arrived right on time for our grand announcement.

"Ladies and Gentleman, presenting Mr. & Mrs. Officer Bob!"

In true Bob fashion, the reception hall was decorated to the nines. Custom movie posters lined the head table, movie-themed favors and movie-themed centerpieces adorned the guest tables, and thanks to Grand Puba, guests were able to pose in a truly authentic Academy Award head-in-hole cutout. Two words. Sa. Weet.

 

 

The Karate Kid

Top Gun

Nacho Libre



Oscar Winners

The multi-flavored film cake made a beautiful cameo. Which by the way, Officer Bob was surprisingly very polite in his feeding of the bride - a shocking discovery to most.

The Matron of Honor gave a touching speech, the Best Man gave a humorous speech, and the Maid of Honor made an entire room of mothers, grandmothers, and sisters cry. It started with a song and ended in a blubbering mess. Thank you, Dancing Queen. I hope to return the favor some day. 

Dinner was served. The bride and groom made the rounds, and the DJ made the formal announcement for the first dance. This is the point at which I must squash a few rumors. The first dance was COMPLETELY and TOTALLY and ABSOLUTELY Officer Bob's idea. I understand I tend to have a flair for the dramatic, but Officer Bob was the creative mind behind the montage of movie dances ridiculousness. I have yet to receive video documentation (calling all guests), but as soon as I do, I cannot wait to burn that baby and lock it in the vault to be shown at all future family events. My husband is one helluva white boy dancer and ladies - he's all mine! I'm not quite sure the amateur photos do it justice, but they will have to do for now. 

 

After recovering from the marathon of a first dance (I no kid when I say the exact length was 7 minutes and 22 seconds of fast pace footwork), I was able to share a genuinely touching dance with my  proud papa. It's no secret that Mexican men have a natural rhythm. Dancing with my dad will remain at the top of my most memorable lifetime moments. Truly meaningful. 

Officer Bob shared an equally beautiful dance with Daisy Duke and her long gorgeous locks!



Garter removed? Check. Garter tossed? Check. Bouquet tossed? Check. Bouquet caught by beautiful Maid of Honor and sister of the bride? You betcha! Isn't she purty?!

Bullet Points from the remainder of the evening:

• Dancing began with the much anticipated dance-off between Big Boca Bob and Punkin. Punkin had the task of selecting the song. Sexy and I Know It provided the soundtrack to some pretty intimidating moves from Punkin. It was clear from the first cartwheel that she was NOT about to let the bride walk away with a victory just because it was her special day. It was a sweaty battle of kicks, turns, bumpin', and grindin', but ultimately Punkin walked away with the W. Splits just weren't happening in my spanks and Punkin's lack of concern for displaying her undergarments to a room full of strangers gave her an edge up. Punkin was presented with her mirror ball necklace and Big Boca Bob, though slightly disappointed, made an effort to recover from the loss.
• Daisy Duke and Mama Dirt were both groped heavily by a few drunk gentlemen. This is why I love our friends.
• One guest chose to consume the entire stale popcorn contents of at least 10 centerpieces on the second floor.
• The infamous YMCA spotlighted props of all sorts including but not limited to police officer apparel, construction hats, and flower girl dresses worn as head dresses.
• Titty Baby performed his rousing rendition of "Baby Got Back" for possibly the last time at a family wedding.....until Pebbles ties the knot of course.
• Mexicans mingled. Lots of Mexicans mingled.
• Officer Bob spent the majority of the evening reminiscing with old frat buddies..........

• While Big Boca Bob spent the majority of the evening tearing up the dance floor.
• The Bob's were incredibly overwhelmed with the support and true love of family and friends surrounding them.

The red carpet is no longer and the stars are enjoying life as newlyweds.

From the bottom of our hearts........

A sincere thank you to all those that made our day so incredibly special. I am crazy in love with the man of my dreams and I have every single one of you to thank for being party of our insanely beautiful life.

Let's do it again next year! :)

Siskel & Ebert Give It Two Thumbs Up!

Brace yourselves. The much anticipated final review of the premiere of the year is officially published. I have been married for exactly 24 days, and if they are a sign of the rest of my days as a Mrs. I am totally not prepared for this.........just kidding! Married life is bliss. Right Officer Bob?

Without further ado..........

I give you a somewhat complete, occasionally exaggerated, and frequently biased review of SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER (through the eyes of the bride).

*NOTE: Official photography is yet to be released. Facebook has provided the amateur photography you are about to witness. I appreciate your understanding.

Ahem........

We will start by completing skipping over the details of the evening of the rehearsal dinner. I kinda sorta maybe had a hard time keeping my cool as I felt as though I was drowning in wedding details. Here's what you need to know.

• Dinner was delightful (Thanks, Grand Puba and Daisy Duke!).
• Quality time with family/friends was incredibly entertaining (per the usual)
• The eve before my wedding day was spent with the most loving, thoughtful, beautiful people I know and I am truly fortunate to have been able to create forever memories.

Mexican cousins = Love.

Bridesmaids = Family.

Mama Dirt and Dancing Queen gave me a cute little girly sleepover that night and though I can't say I got great sleep, I will admit that the thought of saying "I Do" to the only man that holds my big 'ol Mexican heart kept me in an oddly relaxed state through the hours leading up to the vows. 

 

SATURDAY MARCH 23, 2013

 

Wake up call: 7:00AM - However, it was reported this was slightly earlier in Pebbles's room as she was more than ecstatic to roll down the aisle on her Uncle's big day.....or maybe it was the thought of free movie theatre popcorn. Can you blame her?

 

The lovely ladies headed to the salon bright and early to get their pretty on while the manly men slept in and waited to partake in a 5-star Grandma breakfast served late morning.

 

Dear God,

 

Thank you for blessing me with family/friends willing to consume a few alcoholic beverages at 8:00am.

 

One word. Verdi.



One of the best decisions in the entire wedding planning process? Splurging on the flaw-hiding, ugly face curing, airbrush makeup. To all future brides - DO IT. For realz.

I do updo? Check. Picture posing with beautiful bridesmaids? Check.

Off to the theatre!



Completing Maid of Honor duties, Dancing Queen zipped me into my surprising comfortable princess dress...........

 Handed me a brewski.......

And sent me on my way to the altar.

 

This is where things start to become a blur. I will offer a bullet point list of the memorable moments/things learned leading up to the kiss.

• After prepping for official photos, the wedding party was running approximately one hour and 45 minutes behind schedule. Whoops!
• Itineraries are pointless on wedding days. The groom will do whatever he wants.
• Mexican families can fill up almost half of a small town theatre on their own.
• A movie themed wedding is super fun when the guests get popcorn, candy, and 3D glasses.
• Parents barely know their children in regards to movie trivia.
• When deciding on hostesses to walk children down the aisle, it might have been a good idea to pick individuals who are more kid-friendly.

As a perk to all blog readers, I would like to offer the chance to allow you to view what guests had the opportunity of witnessing on the big screen before the classier moments of the day.

 

REPLAY SAVE THE DATE

 

Be prepared to Awwwww.....Officer Bob was one cute kid!

 

Laughter and oooo's and ahhhhh's filled the theater (or so I hope) as I emotionally prepared to make one of the most important and memorable walks of my life. 

 

Cue the moms who both looked as gorgeous as ever!

 

Cue the groom and groomsmen.

 

Cue the best 6 women in my life.

 

Cue the hostesses/flower girls who greeted the guests with the occasional "HI" while making an entrance stealing the hearts of 99% of the guests. It would have been 100%, but one of the hostesses isn't exactly prepared for motherhood proven when she bribed Beans not to cry by tossing popcorn in her wagon and barking orders to "eat and be happy")

 

Cue the emotionally overwhelmed bride and her strong, proud, happy father. Yes. I said happy. I realize the moment I stepped into the spotlight, my eyes should have instantly met the eyes of my future husband (and they did) but I took a moment to look into the eyes of my father first. It's no secret that being happy is a struggle for Dad and his personal fight against mental illness. At that moment in time, I saw happiness in the depth of his eyes. Happy to be there in the moment with his daughter and family from many miles away. Happy to be alive. Happy to be the Dad I needed him to be at that exact moment. Happy to be himself. No anxiety. No fear. No worry. I will NEVER forget that moment on that day. Items # 5 AND 23 crossed off the bucket list. Have my father walk me down the aisle and witness my dad be truly happy for a day. Whew!

 

......back to the emotionally overwhelmed bride witnessing her super adorable groom sporting a hunky tux and tennies ready to take her hand. Huracan and El Aguila provided the perfect guitar soundtrack to the walk down the aisle, and I promised myself I would pause and truly take in that once in a lifetime moment. Pure magic.

 

 

 

 Rev. Jamsa began the service, and only those in attendance will ever be able to truly understand the raving enthusiasm and true showmanship he offered in his role as officiant. Seriously.

 

He said "I Do." I said "I Do Too." He cried real man tears. I may have done the same. (Only because he started it) And two became one. Officer Bob, mi amor, became my husband. I became Mrs. Bob, and I am still grinning ear to ear as I say it out loud. True love exists, kids.

As our anthem Night Fever blasted through the theatre speakers, the stars of the show exited in true Bob style. The small town streets lined with adoring fans waiting to meet the happy duo and as we made our way back down the red carpet, guests showered us with popcorn and love - which in hindsight, popcorn, though very fitting, may not have been the most practical choice for celebration.I was still picking kernels from unmentionable areas hours later.

 

SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER

Five stars.

A must-see for all ages.

 

 

 

 

 

Next Up? An uncensored review of the post-premiere party. I promise it won't disappoint.

 

 

From a Miss to a Mrs.

I promise the transformation to wife hasn't killed me........yet.

I have been on one heckuva rollercoaster ride the past few weeks, and I am still trying to play a little catch up. I had initially planned to give myself some time to recover from the excitement of wedded bliss to write a very thorough and detailed description of The Bob's debut as Mr. and Mrs. However, I quickly learned that I should have taken notes. As I attempt to write a spectacular wedding blog full of pictures and special moments from the perspective of the bride, I will leave you with this........

 

...........A picture with three of my favorite people in honor of National Sibling's Day. We may not share the same last name anymore (which those of you who were lucky enough to witness the Maid of Honor's speech know this is somewhat of a struggle for the youngest in the family), but I can guarantee the love and respect I have for these three people continues to grow every day.

 

Huracan, El Aguila, and Dancing Queen - thanks for letting me grow up with you (like you had a choice!) If siblings were noses, I'd pick you.

 

Te amo con todo mi corazon.



It's Happening.

Ready or not..........

It's Happening.

Saturday Night Fever rocks the hizzouse THIS weekend.

P.S. I'm ready. Seriously ready.

Today Grand Puba and Daisy Duke celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. Daisy Duke said it best - "Why even think about a second honeymoon......when there's no evidence that we have even finished our first." I sure do hope that thirty years from this Saturday, Officer Bob and I will be able to express the same sentiment. Thank you Grand Puba and Daisy Duke for raising your son in such a loving household. It is because of you that he will have the courage to stand next to me this weekend and start the long winding, twisting, turning, full of potholes road down our own journey of marriage.

 
I knew the day I met him
he had to be The One.

The one that I'd been waiting for
was the one who is your son.

As his mom you gave him guidance,
that taught him how to find
the very best within himself,
and now that blessing's mine.

As his dad you showed him how to treat
the woman of his dreams
with trust, respect, and patience
the love you taught him gleams.

In days gone by you held him
and now you let him go,
If tears fall on our wedding day
I'll understand, you know.

I want so much to thank you
for all that you have done,
for The One that
I've been waiting for
is the one who is your son.

Grand Puba and Daisy Duke -

From the bottom of my heart - THANK YOU.
I will never be able to express the happiness you have given me.
My heart is full because of your creation. God's blessing to you became my own.

---

Photos/Stories As Promised

Better Late Than Never!

Three Things

1. Getting married is like a 6 month constant party of fun.
2. My Matron and Maid of Honors are the best! :)
3. Mama Dirt rocks too.

Decorations for the bachelorette party were themed, raunchy, and abundant. No worries....I have refrained from posting MOST inappropriate pictures - and believe me when I say there were many.

 

Mama Dirt and Dancing Queen were in charge of fashion design for the evening, and I pulled off one heckuva rockstar bachelorette look thanks to their attention to detail and pristine sewing abilities.

 

Prior to dinner, I of course had to snack on a few appetizers. CareBear's words of wisdom - "they don't really taste like that."  



 

Unfortunately, I have absolutely no pictures from dinner although time spent at the restaurant far exceeded all other events of the night. Here's some highlights:

 

•  Cocktails were plentiful - delicious, flavored, multi-colored cocktails.
• Mama Dirt ordered the following item from the menu: “The Bastacolli” Sausage, meatballs, pepper and mushrooms in a rich marinara over penne pasta and baked with mozzarella and parmesan cheese. You eat it all and receive a Free Basta’s Tee Shirt!
•  Mama Dirt received an extra large take-home bucket of mostacolli and no tee shirt.
• Several talkative females surrounding a dinner table resulted in NO pause in conversation for a straight 2.5 hours.
• The waiter only spilled one bowl of pasta on the floor - pretty good when you consider the distraction of all the fine ladies surrounding him.

Following dinner, the ladies retreated to the party suite for a few phallic treats including but not limited to cake, cupcakes, popsicles, suckers, etc. Even Mama Gin got in on the action. (By the way....Mama Dirt must have had some rockin' party days because she can cook up some delightfully delicious jello shots with a special kick.)

 



 

Gifts followed dessert, and due to my family/friends incredibly inappropriate gift giving, I have no pictures for your viewing pleasure. What happened to the good 'ol days of lingerie gift giving? My family/friends instead chose to gift and RE-gift an entire collection of adult films featuring quite the diverse population of actors/actresses. The Llama should really spend more of her time molding the young minds of the girls she nannies and less time wasting money in the porn crane game at the local watering hole. 

Games Followed Gifts:

First on the list? Banana Ring Toss.

Despite this display of impeccable technique and form, I did not earn the title of Banana Ring Toss champion.

 

 Unfortunately for Liz, the hands-on-hip technique also did not result in victory.

 

 

I'm sure by now you have all noted the naked man in the background of the previous posted photos. Per tradition, the night included a rousing game of Pin the Junk on the Hunk.

 

A lack of blindfold resulted in Bob's Bachelorette Boa as a form of vision blocking. The Llama made a good move.

 

Mrs. E struggled slightly.

 

And Goldie walked away with the title. I think it was due to her "good luck" guide from behind.

 

Following games, the girls headed out for a little casino action. Monetary breakdown is as follows: Everyone lost money EXCEPT for the lucky mother of twins. She was lucky enough to survive delivery of two beautiful boys and her luck continued at the slots.

 

Following a depressing loss of finances, the girls headed back to a little relaxation and skin rejuvenation. It takes work to look this good.

 

A HUGE thanks to all those in attendance!

 

Only 13 more days until the real party starts!