My Brother Is Cooler Than Your Brother

El Aguila and I have always been - BY FAR - the most competitive siblings. He was naturally gifted with more intelligence and better athleticism than I, but I have always made an A+ effort in knocking him off of Grandma and Grandpa's little pedestal. This may seem odd as El Aguila is actually 4 years younger than I, but his continued success will always challenge me to be better. Maybe there is something kinda sorta ok about having a little twerp for a brother. Luckily, over the past couple of years, El Aguila made some less-than-mediocre life decisions, and my position in Grandma and Grandpa's spotlight was shining yet again.

HOWEVER -

Listen carefully, El Aquila,

because today I finally throw the white flag. I hang my head in shame knowing that you are truly greater than I. Let's be honest here - I never crossed the finish line 3rd in the state of Illinois after running several miles, I never received a scholarship for entrance into the actual real life United States Naval Academy because I have lightning speed running legs and Einstein-like math skills AND THEN turned down said scholarship because I am just too cool to wear that weird looking boat hat. I have never sent 14,000 text messages in ONE month because I simply have too many people that want to be my friends.

AND I HAVE NEVER STUDIED FOR 6 MONTHS FOR THE HARDEST TEST EVA!!!!

NOR HAVE I EVER CHOSEN TO SIT FOR SEVERAL HOURS TO TAKE "HARDEST TEST EVA" ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

You win - El Aguila - you win!

Every time I have called over the past few weeks, you answered with "What you want, fool? I'm studying."

translation - BORING

Every time I invited you to one of my super cool house parties, you answered with "I can't. I'm studying."

translation - SUPER BORING

And this one time you even turned down going to LAMBEAU FIELD (best place on Earth) because you were studying!!

translation - SUPER MEGA CRAZY BORING

I can't even begin to understand how incredibly dull the last few months of your life have been (because I'm obviously the complete opposite of incredibly dull). I don't even know what the words physics, organic chemistry, and bioecology mean. In fact....I may have even made up that last one. You have been the least cool person I know, and I don't know why, but I'm super proud of you for doing it!

You are smarter.

You are more athletic.

You are you.

But I, my brother, am prettier.
I can still count on my looks to keep up with your awesomeness.

Congratulations on accomplishing something that very few people will ever attempt. KICK THAT MCAT'S GLUTEUS MAXIMUS. Remember that the test score you will receive in approximately one month does not matter. For you - mi hermano - have already proven your focus, determination, and drive for success.

And all of this done by your 22nd birthday.

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS EL AGUILA!

You are the 2nd smartest guy I know.

(2nd to Osama Bin Father, of course)

You make me uber proud every day of your existence.

NOW GO CELEBRATE!

Your super lame reputation needs some serious help after the past few months.

Call me if you need to up your cool factor by hanging out with someone totally better looking than you.

Poor Pebbles

This past weekend, I enjoyed a nice trip a few miles up north to celebrate the soon-to-be Mrs. Llama at her bridal shower. Fun times were had by all, and although I have yet to take a look at all the photos snapped, I can assure you the bride-to-be looked as beautiful as ever.

Serving as Maid of Honor, CareBear supplied the games for the festivities. The "raid your purse" game produced many giggles as well as a moment of clarity for myself.

As I was not so graciously scavenging through my lady baggage in an effort to locate and/or cheat my way through the prepared list (I tend to be competitive), I located this little gem of a photo:

While there is no questioning the amount of love we all share for Pebbles, it became clear to me that this sweet little child is truly lacking in the area of "mature" female role models. This is evident in photo #3 above in which poor little Pebbles is clearly questioning the antics of her Gramma Poke and Aunt Big Boca Bob. I also believe in photo #1, she may be attempting a quick getaway from the "crazy" surrounding her.

I apologize for the radiating immaturity of the women in your life, Pebbles. However, there may still be hope that you won't turn out like one of the goons above. Perhaps the Mrs. or Mimi Daisy Duke can pull through for you. To save you much embarrassment in the future, I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Beans Be Goin' For da Gold!

The athleticism of  her parents has been inherited.

which is evident by the video I received last night via text message from her beaming father.

(who also seems to think Beans calls him by name.....
Tia Big Boca Bob isn't convinced)

The journey to the gold medal podium at the 2022 Olympic Games has started.
The sport of choice, however, is still up for debate.

Unfortunately for her parents,
I'm afraid all of this attention may be going to her head.....

"Oops! Did I just pull myself up?"

"Whatchoo know 'bout bein' a rockstar?"

"Now get me some mo' juice, Pops!"



Diva status has escalated.

Good luck with this one Mama B and Huracan!

Life's A Beach

Vacation is over.

Bummer.

My best friend of over 15 years is officially a Mrs.

Not so bummer.

There is only one word to describe the tear-inducing beach nuptials of this pair.

Beautiful.

I have viewed pictures of friends and family that have attended destination weddings, and I was always not-so-secretly jealous of of their good fortune. I can now consider myself part of that exclusive club, and even though it was never actually an item on my bucket list, I would like to both add it and check it off at the same time.

New Smyrna Beach, FL served as an amazing location for a summer wedding.

Weather = Perfect.

The bride showed no signs of anxiety
as she sipped on a cup of joe in the shadows
of a beautiful sunrise on July 4th, 2012

Often times wedding days are spent yelling at vendors and stressing about details. We, however, chose to sit on the beach and drink alcoholic beverages. I know.....not exactly out of character for me. The day was by far the most relaxing wedding prep I have ever been a part of.

A "few" drinks and a nap in the sun later,
we finally started to prepare for the festivities.

5:00pm on the dot.

The beautiful bride made her way down the aisle
escorted by her proud papa.

Insert a large amount of embarrassing blubbering
on the part of the maid of honor.

Personally written vows were read.

Insert even more blubbering.

A ridiculous amount of pictures were snapped.

 And the nuptials were sealed with a kiss.

Of which I have no photo documentation.

Blame the extremely amateur photographer (Officer Bob)

He was too busy taking happy snaps of himself.

I always regret leaving him in charge of the camera.
Will I ever learn?

I DID get him to pose for ONE single picture with me on the beach.

AND he even put his arm around me.

Almost like he actually likes me or something.

Talk about torture.

Thank you, Mrs. and Mrs. Horn for allowing us to be a part of your

very special,

very beautiful,

very romantic

day.

 

Stay tuned for the not-so-sober reception photos.

The end.